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Please help me support my lovely boy

(9 Posts)
DionChappie Wed 30-Dec-15 08:46:31

Sadly he's regularly excluded by his friendship group. There is a pattern of it being the holidays and friends don't involve him in meet ups or events. He spent the entire summer without his friends. He started spending more time with another group of boys but he ended up gravitating back to his old friendship group. I don't know what the issue is. During term time the boys spend most of their time together with no issues. He's been so sad over the Christmas holidays and feels very rejected. It breaks my heart. I feel he's spent his childhood suffering regular rejection. His father also regularly rejects him. I've encouraged different hobbies, groups etc but he's outgrown most of them and now at a stage where he wants to socialise and naturally be accepted by his peers. Is there anything else I can do together him?

mygrandchildrenrock Wed 30-Dec-15 17:24:36

Sorry I don't have much advice but didn't want to read and run!
Do you try and invite his friends round to your house, for specific things e.g. watching a film, having pizza etc. Sometimes it's easier to get together for a reason rather than just to 'hang out'.
Do you live near the other boys? We live in a rather isolated location and my teenagers can't do things spur of the moment, they have to be organised with lifts etc.
My 18 yr DS is involved in Chess and Scouts so is busy at least twice a week, often more. Are there similar things like that that your son could get involved with?

DionChappie Thu 31-Dec-15 17:43:19

Thank you. Yes, we live near the other boys. I could cry for him tonight because all his so called friends are going to a party and he's not invited. He's being very nonchalant but I know he's upset. I feel very helpless. I don't suppose there's anything I can do about it. He's not interested in team or group activities. I think he's learned just to be independent.

mygrandchildrenrock Thu 31-Dec-15 18:07:46

Independent is no bad thing. Do you do things together that you both like? I have got really into Game of Thrones watching it with my son, before that it was The Supranos and Breaking Bad, none of which I would have watched on my own but enjoyed watching them with my son.
We also cook and bake together, not often but it's good fun when we do.
It sounds like hosting friends at your house might be a good move.
Does he have one good friend from the group that he could text/call and sort of invite himself along (maybe not tonight but for future meet ups). Sometimes quiet boys just get overlooked but not deliberately so.

MyballsareSandy2015 Thu 31-Dec-15 19:07:05

How old is he

WildStallions Thu 31-Dec-15 19:14:03

Is he sure he isn't invited?

Sometimes being told about the party is the same as being invited.

Sometimes the host is happy for everyone to come and is expecting the invitation to ripple organically.

DionChappie Thu 31-Dec-15 19:42:36

He's only 13. We do lots together and he seems happy enough. I probably suffer more than he does. Yes, he's not been invited to any of their get togethers. They been in the park when I saw them, they've been in to town, they've been round each others house's and tonight they're at a party. This happens every school holiday. They didn't speak to him the entire summer holiday. I just don't understand. Sadly, he's also not welcome at his dad's house which just breaks my heart. Honestly, he seems to be coping with it better than me. I'm so proud of how he manages himself.

BabyGanoush Thu 31-Dec-15 19:57:02

I have a 13 yr old DS, his friends communicate through the X box (which he does not have) and Whatsapp (which DS doesn't have)

His social life is still arranged by me confused and Luckily twoof his friend's mums are friendly with me and invites DS

I know they should be more independent by now but my DS isn't there yet.

Can you invite his friends to yours?

DionChappie Thu 31-Dec-15 20:18:04

I don't think it's appropriate for me to get involved. He's asked them directly why they've excluded him and there's always an excuse. There seem to be girls involved. I just think kids can be very cruel. He's ok. He's on his gaming pc with a friend tonight. I've tried encouraging him to get involved in other activities but he's always drawn back to these boys. I guess he's just not very popular. He will come in to his own eventually. He's a lovely little thing.

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