DS 13 - anxious about everything - where can we get help?

[skinnyamericano]

My DS is 13 and, sadly, is anxious about so many things. It ranges from dying (himself or one of us), the 'end of the world', injuries in his sport (which stops him wanting to play) - even going upstairs in the dark!

I am quite an anxious person, although wasn't at his age. I think mine possibly stems from having a critical father, and I am ashamed to say that I can be a v critical mother at times.

Is there any help available in schools or perhaps outside? Or are some of these just normal teenage worries?

[ShebaQueen]

I can't help I'm afraid, but watching with interest as I also have an anxious DS, mine is 14. He worries about almost everything although I encourage him to talk about it and I find he can be quite rational when he has a chance to talk things through, he just loses perspective when he bottles things up. Will your DS talk to you?

My DS has an older brother who has always been very laid back and confident so I don't think it's anything to do with his home environment, but everyone is different and reacts differently to circumstances.

[skinnyamericano]

Sorry you're in the same boat. DS will talk to us, which is great. I have had CBT for anxiety and have tried, in an amateurish way, to use those techniques with DS. It has helped a little with the sport issue.

His form tutor is great and he talked to her quite a lot after my DF died. Perhaps I will contact her to see if she can put us in touch with someone at school.

[Starface]

For generalised anxiety issues, CBT can be very helpful. This includes for adolescents so skinny you are on the right track. There is a huge raft of training going on atm to skill up a larger workforce to offer this, who I suspect will sit in CAMHS. Exactly what services look like will vary in different areas, (in some places tier 2 camhs, which this may be viewed as appropriate for, depending on details, can be accessed via schools) and some may have waiting lists. But you can either go via pastoral care at school or via your gp to access services. They should know the local layout better and be able to advise on referral pathways. Its possible there are self referral routes too but depends on local set up.

There are likely to be books available to draw on too. I know the adult stuff better - the Overcoming series is good, I'm pretty sure they do one on generalised anxiety. They are self-help CBT. Re the over critical parenting skinny, you might want to consider if the underlying issue is anxiety or low self-esteem, and choose your book accordingly. I couldn't say which over this forum, but with that history it's another possibility I'd be considering. I wonder if as parents these books might give you a better understanding of the issues and basic CBT techniques for yourselves anyway? I know as a parent I like to be informed. Skinny I know you'll have a good idea with your experience, but the books are useful for structure and clear explanation.

[skinnyamericano]

Thank you so much for your very informative reply starface. I will certainly have a look at that series of books. I'll also look into the self-esteem possibility. Hopefully school will have something to offer too.

Thanks once again.

[Starface]

My pleasure. Best wishes for you and your DS on your journey of understanding yourselves.