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18 yo DS very shy and not enjoying life much

(10 Posts)
Elenismyname Wed 23-Dec-15 14:37:30

Title mostly says it. He is a lovely boy quiet but kind and good-hearted. Not much into sports more film/music. He has been 8 years at an all boys school where he has some good friends not loads but nice boys like him. But I can see he would like to be more outgoing and don't know how to encourage him. He is going to uni next Sept and worried about fitting in there etc.

Millipedewithherfeetup Wed 23-Dec-15 14:52:10

Does he have a part time job ? Super market shelf filler etc ? That sort of job will bring him into a wider social circle with girls too ! And after work trips to the local, birthday get togethers are frequent ! As for university, most of them find their way, so many clubs and societies to join. The higher education uni threads have lots of helpful advice.

Sparklingbrook Wed 23-Dec-15 15:26:10

YY I second the P/T job.

DS1 is a very shy quiet 16. He got a P/T job in retail and it really has made a difference to his confidence etc.

Mehitabel6 Wed 23-Dec-15 15:34:01

I think that it is very common, especially among boys. Volunteering is also a good option- something where he needs to communicate and work as a team.

Elenismyname Wed 23-Dec-15 15:38:24

He has had a couple of jobs in fact he has one now-he is working in an off licence not too far away. He has come out of himself a bit but he still speaks really quietly, you can't actually hear what he says half the time. He prefers doing the behind the scenes work like lifting boxes as he is shy about speaking to customers etc. but I have tried to encourage him to go on the till so he gets used to mixing with people. He helps out his friend doing mobile party disco type things too which sounds very social but again he prefers the lifting and van driving and setting up the gear part to plating stuff or whatever they do. I suppose things will change at university but atm everyone seems more confident than him. His DSIS is 16 and out all the time.

Mehitabel6 Wed 23-Dec-15 16:03:42

He is making a start - it isn't easy and it takes time.
Joining an activity he really liked is another option.
We hear so much about university and the 'lad' culture that it masks
the fact that many young men are shy and lack confidence.
What subject does he want to do at university?

Elenismyname Wed 23-Dec-15 16:16:30

Degree subject will be Economics probably. True re: the media stereotypes vs reality. I know it is a small sample size but DD and her friends are much more outgoing than DS and his. It wouldn't bother me only I was shy myself at this age and it can feel like a physical pain. He hasn't exactly said it but seems to be terrified of girls and always seems to "make alternative plans" when DD brings hers around. I guess they are just different personality types.

Mehitabel6 Wed 23-Dec-15 16:44:21

He will probably meet like minded people on the course and it is a good idea to join clubs that really interest him once he is there.

mudandmayhem01 Wed 23-Dec-15 16:58:13

He sounds lovely, hard working, ready to help friends, interested in film and music. He has got a job which isn't an easy thing to find these days. I hope my daughter is interested in boys like your son when she is older. It was a revelation to me when I went to uni and got to know quiet, interesting, geeky boys rather than being interested in the laddish types that it was considered cool to go out with at school.

Mehitabel6 Wed 23-Dec-15 17:03:57

You will find that it is very common- speaking as the mother of quiet boys and being shy myself. The fact that he is out doing things is a good sign. We need introverts- they are underestimated!

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