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Do you still do things as a family with a teenager?

(32 Posts)
tumpymummy Thu 17-Dec-15 11:14:22

Bad start to the Christmas holidays! When the kids were younger we used to do a lot of trips/activities in the holidays. We live in a city so there is always plenty going on, but I have always combined this with plenty of downtime, tv time, and friends time so kids get a chance to recharge their batteries. DS has never been enthusiastic about doing things, but always once we go out he then has a good time. My question is when should I stop dragging him out?! He's now 14, when he says he doesn't want to do something do I still insist he does? Today I arranged for us to go ice skating. Could be anytime the kids wanted, not too early so they could have a lie in/relax. Now DS says he doesn't want to go. I really thought ice skating would be one activity that he would be happy to do. I even said he could bring a friend. Hubby says I should leave him and just take DD (who thankfully still wants to go), but I am sad that he wont come. I guess I just have to accept that teenagers don't want to hang out with their parents anymore?!

Philoslothy Thu 17-Dec-15 11:15:46

Yes but not all the time, sometimes they want to stay at home to stare at the TV and empty my fridge. Other times they come on a family day out.

Lancelottie Thu 17-Dec-15 11:19:25

Yes (DS1, 19)
No, shudder, god do I even have to have parents (DS2, 16)
Yes (DD, 14)

The middle one worries me least, to be honest.

Maryz Thu 17-Dec-15 11:22:42

We do with two of ours, the third wouldn't be seen dead with us since he was 14.

But what we do varies, and often it's just one of them at a time (dh might take dd to the cinema, I might go to a match with ds, that type of thing).

I wouldn't force him now, but what I would do is sit him down later, when there is no time pressure, and ask him to commit to two or three family things this Christmas. Pencil them in on the calendar (with a let-out clause for emergency clashes).

The problem with him going ice-skating with you and dd is that someone might see him [shock horror] and his street cred would never survive. Restaurants and cinemas are more explainable.

wigglybeezer Thu 17-Dec-15 11:29:09

Occasionally, if it doesn't involve getting out of bed, or a long car journey with his brothers. A slap up feed at some point also helps. DS1 refused to come on holiday ( camping)this year (17). But was happy to come on a city break to Berlin. definitely avoids anything involving walks or visits to museums etc. or sensible shopping.

So, he will come to the cinema, visit his Grannies, or go out for a big meal but that's about it. he is 17 though, my 14 year old is more flexible.

Socialaddict Thu 17-Dec-15 11:42:01

Yes, but I do not force her (DD15). Luckily she is still keen to go to the theatre, museums, holidays with us etc. Art galleries she does with her friends only though. The cinema is DH's responsibility and she likes going with him.

However, I plan everything really well and make sure it is definitely something she would enjoy, otherwise stand no chance.

She also has a very busy social life with her friends, so it does not feel that she only does things with her parents.

bigTillyMint Thu 17-Dec-15 12:02:18

Yes, sometimes as a whole family and sometimes in different combinations - generally meals out/footy matches /cinema/shopping /meeting up with family friends. When we can find a time that suits us all!

SheGotAllDaMoves Thu 17-Dec-15 15:26:44

Yes.

Sometimes all of us (two adults, two teens).
Sometimes two adults, one teen.
Sometimes one adult, one teen.

Activities vary.

But not all the time. They socialise with friends too (DD currently watching Christmas telly with mates before they get ready for a Christmas curry and DS out watching the new Star Wars with mates). And they slob around a lot at home too. Plus the endless nuisance of school work!

JustDanceAddict Thu 17-Dec-15 15:56:54

Depends on what the activity is, but always better if we are meeting friends. There are some things I wouldn't expect DD (13) to be seen with us - ie, cinema for a 'teen' film, but fine for a more adult-themed film early evening (like Suffragette). This past year we have been to theatre, shopping, meals out, trampoline park (we were away overnight) as a family. With friends of family she would do things like swimming, adventure playground type of stuff. She's not keen on museums unless we are meeting someone else!!
DS (11) - he'd do anythign with us still really, esp if food is involved as a bribe.
Ice-skating is more of a 'with friends' activity at this age I would say.

Sparklingbrook Thu 17-Dec-15 16:02:05

Very rarely as a family. DS1 (16) and DS2 (13) bicker A LOT. DH and I take them out individually quite a bit.

DS1 won't be seen with me unless absolutely necessary. DS2 quite amenable and likes to go out with me for coffee etc. I am clinging to it in case that stops too. sad

That said we are all as a family going round to my friends for Christmas jolly japes on Saturday night and I can't wait. wine

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 17-Dec-15 16:04:30

It does depend on the child, and the activity involved, i think, whether we can get ours to come along.

Ds1 now 19 would pretty much do anything with us still. He just likes being busy. Ds2 aged 17 doesn't want to do anything with us, including coming on holiday. Ds3 ages 15 is somewhere in the middle of the two.

Dh and I have always made no allowances for wider family events; they have to come. Although post 18 that would be difficult to enforce. Other than that we just plan things they can't resist, we will all go together to see Star Wars for example, and family holidays are what they will enjoy e.g. America or Japan for a couple of weeks.

But gradually, basically, you have to let them go.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Thu 17-Dec-15 16:16:12

Occasionally, usually if she thinks there's something in it for her.
She's nearly 15yo.

So shopping trip to a big city, yes.
Few days away in London, yes.
Cinema trip for a film she wants to see, yes.

Going out for a dog walk together, no
Going to anything resembling a museum, castle, etc....no.

She wasn't happy last oct half term when I took her away for a couple of days to the Peak District. I think family holidays are probably a thing of the past sadly. I can't afford to go abroad and she doesn't want to come caravanning. Would rather stay home and play on the computer.

Sparklingbrook Thu 17-Dec-15 16:25:17

Oh yes Who absolutely no castles or museums or going for a walk for no reason.

Top holiday requirement is WiFi. Not a popular thing to say on MN but true for us.
No idea whether a family holiday is in the offing in 2016 but at present I would say not.

SecretServ1ce Thu 17-Dec-15 16:29:35

A trip to the pictures at Christmas is a bit of a tradition. I used to do it on Christmas eve when they were little and bursting with excitement over the Big Day. We've seen some dreadful films over the years and the awfulness is a standing joke.

I'm going to see Star Wars tomorrow with DS19 and DS17 grin. Wouldn't be my entertainment of choice but hey there won't be many more years of this and I treasure it.

BackforGood Thu 17-Dec-15 16:29:37

Whole family - no, not really, unless it's a big gathering party of everyone over Christmas or something - then that's to see GPs and cousins not us.
Individually, each of my teens will come some places with me, but they don't want to be traipsing about as a whole family unit, no.

howabout Thu 17-Dec-15 16:30:57

I have 13 and 14 year old dd. As they are so close in age they generally go off and do skating and other sporty things together and / or with friends - I would be embarrassing / embarrassed as they are much fitter and more competent than me.

Theatre trips etc I tend to take whoever really wants to go and leave anyone else behind.

BoboChic Thu 17-Dec-15 16:42:17

Yes. For example, DP is going ski-ing for a week with DSS2 (18) in January, just the two of them. Will involve a lot of black runs, very fast, and huge amounts of food.

DSS1, DSS2 and DP go to the gym together (a lot).

Cinema, restaurants etc are pretty popular.

DSS2 likes hanging out with us in the sitting room, lounging, whereas DSS1 stays in his own room more.

bigTillyMint Thu 17-Dec-15 16:51:21

We managed a few long walks/hikes (with either or both the teens happy to do them) on holiday last summer, but only because it was NZ! Normally they are hated like castles and museums, etc unless we are with family friends with teens their age and even then that is very rare!

TBH , I quite enjoy the freedom of it being just DH and I/friends/on my own with no offspring whinging that it's boring going for a walkblush

myotherusernameisbetter Thu 17-Dec-15 17:13:36

Depends what it is. Two DSs 15 and 14. There are some things that are "traditions" and so just things we do and they happily join in. Such as we always have a family meal/cinema night out before Christmas and we are going this Saturday, no moaning or anything. If it's a nice day and we suggest a trip out for fresh air etc, DS1 will not want to go but wont complain, DS2 resists, sometimes he can be talked round with the offer of food, sometimes not.

TheSecondOfHerName Thu 17-Dec-15 17:25:11

There are still some things we do as a whole family (children aged 11 to nearly 16):
Carol concerts
Cinema (Spectre, The Force Awakens)
Occasional meal out (they all like Wagamama)

VulcanWoman Thu 17-Dec-15 17:26:16

No fsad

TheSecondOfHerName Thu 17-Dec-15 17:28:50

I think many 14 year olds would prefer to go ice skating with their friends rather than their parents.

Hedgehoginthegarden Fri 18-Dec-15 09:36:11

Ds18 will do pretty much anything with us but dd16 would rather poke pins in her eyes than take part in a family activity at the moment. She will go to theatre with me but won't even go shopping with me, even though she will get things bought for her.
She is not getting on with dh after another row over nothing so anything involving him is a no no.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab Fri 18-Dec-15 10:26:31

I wouldn't expect to be included in an iceskating trip and would look very out of place if I went. Our local rink is full of teenagers in the evenings. There are no parents around.

Our DDs will do things with us on holiday (walking, stately homes, art galleries) but cinema and shopping trips at home are done with friends.

sylviassecrets Fri 18-Dec-15 14:44:56

Depends what it is. Ds 14 comes to the gym with me, will go shopping with me and out for food. No to dog walks, any places of historical interest and probably not ice skating or cinema.

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