I've posted about dd1 before, a while back now. We went through the whole gamut of awful teen stuff including destruction of property & serious, near fatal self harm.
She has turned her life around 180 degrees in the last 10 months, not a single drama in that time. Her boyfriend slightly less so, it's only one week since he was hauled off a local suicide spot and assessed on a 136 (this is the first time he's done this that we know of).
He proposed last night, she said yes, they're both 18, they've been together since March.
My initial reaction once I'd picked my jaw up off the floor is that they're playing house, trying it out for size.
When I pulled myself together (a minute or so) I apologised for not immediately being excited about it, explained simply that it was her age which gave me some time to think.
I've already talked about whether or not he's in a good place psychologically to even make this choice, the answer to that one was so shockingly immature; he's been better 'for the last few days' apparently (!) if he was drunk when he asked (a little) and that if they're meant to be then there's no hurry, she agreed thankfully, they're thinking about in 7 years or so (phew).
It's nothing to get my knickers in a twist about is it really?
I do feel bad about my reaction though, I had a near engagement at the same age and ran a mile when it got close, thank god, but if my mum had given it large about the practicalities and realism I would have probably married the idiot faster than the banns could have been read.
Meanwhile dd1 is setting up a Pinterest board with ideas for dresses, cakes, bridesmaids outfits, flowers, etc etc. She's running away with herself with excitement, this is her, she will calm down. (There's no daughter wedding fund sitting in an offshore account)
She's not actually going to marry him, is she? Are we allowed, as parents, to gush all over this thing in a reverse psychology way or will that backfire?
I'm preparing my talk with her about how marriage is not just a party, or attention but a whole lifetime of companionship and that they have to talk to each other about money, raising children, pension funds, who is going to clean the bloody toilet and worst of all which of them is going to get out of bed when the 3yr old cries at 4am just as you're getting used to sleeping at night again.
But that's me doing the realism thing that I mentioned earlier.
My girls have a good role model in terms of relationships, me and their father are very close after 25yrs, it's not perfect but it's kind and considerate with no abuse and we love each other, I don't think there's much more you can ask for in a marriage.
3 or 4 more years and I would just go with it and wish them luck!
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Former wild child announces engagement.
8 replies
tsonlyme · 12/12/2015 02:28
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