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Self sabotaging/destructive behaviour in 13 yo dd.

(4 Posts)
SasherinSuite Fri 11-Dec-15 13:30:33

I could have seen this coming but now that it has I dont know what to think or do.

Two years ago dd1 was diagnosed with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome (CPRS), a condition that requires treatment on a physical, medical and psychological level. She has self harmed and suffers from OCD, depression, anxiety, and is generally very unhappy. She self-neglects and would go unwashed and in dirty clothing/underwear if we didn't push her to have a shower, change her clothes. Her room is chaotic and she can have violently angry outbursts. She has been seeing CAMHS for the last few months with no real improvement so has an appointment with a psychiatrist after Christmas to be assessed for anti-depressants.

She has a tendency to get very close, very quickly, with friends to the point where they get put off and distance themselves from her. She has never had what I would call a "best friend". We have tried to tell her that she needs to back off and give people space but she is an all or nothing kind of girl.

When she started secondary school she seemed to have made friends with a group of girls. There were the usual teen spats but they blew over eventually. Recently though she became closer to one particular girl (let's call her Sarah). To start with I was quite happy with this friendship as Sarah lives a couple of minutes away and they could walk to and from school together. Sarah generally seemed ok and I wasn't concerned. However, it became apparent that dd was following the same path as before and getting dependent on Sarah's friendship. Eventually dd told me she thought she was a lesbian and was in love with Sarah. I told her that to have those feelings was normal but it wouldn't be a good idea to say anything to Sarah as she might not deal with it very well as at her age some girls aren't into either boys or girls.

The next day dd tells Sarah and Sarah freaks out. This is just before half term, so at a time when she could have been spending time with her, going into town etc, she was being ignored.

Since going back to school Sarah has seemingly dropped dd as a friend and doesn't want to have anything to do with her. I do think Sarah is being unfair to dd but at the same time I think dd should have left it alone. Needless to say this is not helping dd's depression sad.

Does anyone have any advice? dd seems to have a self-destructive streak that usually results in some form of harm or sabotage to herself.

Sorry for the huge post blush.

SasherinSuite Fri 11-Dec-15 23:14:08


SasherinSuite Sun 13-Dec-15 21:36:59


Peebles1 Sun 13-Dec-15 22:12:30

No experience of this *Sasherin so not much I can offer but huge sympathy. It sounds like classic looking for love, really (aren't we all) but going about it the wrong way. Maybe just have some long talks with her about it? She must be hurting. Let us know how she goes. flowers

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