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teen party/alcohol

(10 Posts)
petem484 Sun 08-Nov-15 17:13:31

I am feeling a bit conflicted this morning because a few days ago I ran into an old friend who has a daughter a few months younger than my own daughter. While we haven't spoken with each other in quite some time I do consider him to be a close friend as we usually spend holidays together and both came from the same small town where we knew each other as youths. He mentioned a birthday party he was throwing for his daughter and invited me and my daughter to come over. I declined as I was scheduled to work at 5 a.m. the morning after the party and needed to sleep early but I told him my own daughter would probably show up with a friend or two. There was never any mention of alcohol and since his daughter was turning from 16 to 17 the thought never crossed my mind that there would be. My daughter had never drank but did so at this party, though only a few beers and she was not drunk but definitely buzzed when she called me at 1 a.m. to tell me she was spending the night. I became upset at the fact that my friend had allowed alcohol to be served to minors so much so that her friends could not drive her home as they had drunk too much. When I arrived at his house to pick her up it turned out that it was a HUGE party with cars lining the street up and down before I could even see his house, neighbors standing outside and four police cars waiting outside his house as they had been called due to the noise. I was furious. I went into the house and all the kids were drinking and my daughter told me later they were even charging admission to attend! There were at least 75-100 teens crammed into my friends house and I could not locate my daughter or my friend or his wife. I was beyond angry. A few of the kids were standing on top of the kitchen island yelling at everyone else to calm down and be quiet as the police had arrived. It was a crazy scene. I went back outside and told the police that there was alcohol being served and at that point they moved up to the house and opened the door and began shining flashlights at everyone. the place started to clear out. Then I seen my friends wife as I went back outside talking to one of the officers and she was clearly drunk. A police officer had located my daughter by some stroke of luck and we got into the car and left. When we arrived at the house I called my friend and told him that I would have never allowed my daughter to attend if I knew there would be alcohol present. He said that he assumed I knew there would be, after all it was a high school party. Excuse me but I don't know any parents who would knowingly throw that wild of a party for their 17 year old daughter. That was the kind of party teens throw for themselves only when parents are out of town for the weekend. The general tone of our conversation was him taking the position that it was okay and I was the old fuddy duddy who forgot what it was like to have fun. Everyone was having a great time and no one had gotten hurt (yet) and from the kids view it was an absolutely epic party. Anyway,I didn't get back to bed until 2 or 2 in the morning and did not make it into work today because of that whole scenario. What I am conflicted about is telling the police officers about the alcohol being served. Although my friends actions were deplorable to my sensibilities, a part of me feels that I should not have told the police officers about the alcohol. I feel that was, as the kids would say, totally uncool and I should have just collected my daughter and left the scene. thoughts, anyone?

shutupanddance Sun 08-Nov-15 17:31:18

Your dd is 17? Chill out.

petem484 Sun 08-Nov-15 18:27:42

after reading up on English laws it does seem that this wouldn't have been a problem at all if we lived there. You see, I live in Texas and as such, things are a bit more uptight around here about this kind of thing, and many others. Americans can't drink until 21 years of age. Its a serious offence to provide alcohol to minors here in any circumstance or situation.

TheSecondOfHerName Sun 08-Nov-15 19:08:07

I think that in the UK, 17 is a somewhat grey area as young people are almost of an age to legally buy alcohol, and are allowed to drink alcohol within a private home.

In the US, this would be blatant underage drinking condoned by two adults who were in a position of responsibility.

shutupanddance Sun 08-Nov-15 19:35:25

Talk about drip feeding

putcustardonit Sun 08-Nov-15 19:45:07

Most of the 17 year olds I know drink alcohol. Its a cultural norm round here, rightly or wrongly, and I don't think the Police would be very interested.
Plus, wouldn't it embarrass your DD enormously?

bobsalong Sun 08-Nov-15 19:53:11

teenage me is thinking, that sounds like an awesome party.

rogueantimatter Sun 08-Nov-15 20:00:13

It's done now....

I'd be annoyed if a friend didn't mention that it was going to be a party with lots of alcohol too. DD's best friend's mum asked me if it would be okay to let DD have a couple of bottle of beers there one Saturday evening. She didn't assume. DD wanted to give another friend a bottle of fizz for her 17th birthday to have before they went out for dinner - there were five of them, so I asked the mum if that would be okay and she said no. I'd never assume it was okay to give other people's underage DC alcohol without having checked with their parents first. Your friend was very off to criticise you for not wanting your DD to drink, but perhaps he'd have been more apologetic if you hadn't shopped him to the police. However, it would have been very obvious that the teens were drinking anyway so I doubt you made much difference to the course of events.

Having said that, I'd be very surprised if there wasn't (a lot) of alcohol at a 17th birthday party. That's normal here.

GloriaHotcakes Sun 08-Nov-15 20:02:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

titchy Sun 08-Nov-15 20:20:23

Perfectly normal in the UK for a 17 year olds party to involve large quantities of alcohol vomit. So I'd say chill.... awesome party that teen is going to be legend

Maybe different in US though....

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