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Leaving 16yo DD home along for two nights??

(14 Posts)
HearTheThunderRoar Tue 03-Nov-15 23:53:26

DD is 16, I have been invited to my niece's wedding 2 hours away at the beginning of January, DD has not been invited thats another thread

I already said I would go to my brother when we got save the date invitations months ago thinking DD would be invited. I need to go as (a) it would like sour grapes if I don't go, (b) I've already accepted and most importantly someone needs to look after my elderly mother who's in a rest home as my brother will be tied up with wedding duties and my other brother will be pissed by the time of the sit down meal.

DD doesn't want to go, she'll have to sit at my brother's house all of Saturday afternoon by herself and she has commitments on the Sunday which she doesn't want to miss out on. Apparently there is a family gathering Friday night so I have to go up on the Friday and as it's mid afternoon wedding I will probably have go home Sunday.

She is sensible and we live rurally but I still feel uneasy about it. Thoughts??

HearTheThunderRoar Tue 03-Nov-15 23:54:13

Sorry thats meant to be home alone in the thread tittle blush

AnyFucker Wed 04-Nov-15 00:00:56

Could she stay with a friend ?

I am sure you will get loads of people piling on to say "I was married with 3 kids, holding down a full time job and writing my first novel at that age" (slight exaggeration) but I wouldn't be comfortable doing this

crispytruffle Wed 04-Nov-15 00:08:07

My parents used to go away for a weeks holiday and at 16 I would stay at home because I didn't want to holiday with them by then. I was very mature though and would have a friend stay over.

ZombiesAteMyBaby Wed 04-Nov-15 00:15:52

If you think she's mature enough I would. Can she have a friend stay over? We left DSD for 3 nights when she was 16 and she was fine, she had a couple of friends stay over. I left home when I was 16 and spent many nights on my own.

steppemum Wed 04-Nov-15 00:16:29

I think it depends if you trust her not to wreck to place, and if she feels confident being on her own for the weekend.

HearTheThunderRoar Wed 04-Nov-15 01:38:29

Thanks for the replies guys and like ppl say, people have left home by 16. She could probably get her friend to stay over for one night so she's not all alone, just depends how busy her friend is etc. Am glad I am not over reacting though!

Like I said, we live rurally with no bus service so I don't think she will trash the place as generally she is well behaved and only has a few close friends.

Aargh, I don't even want to go to this bloody wedding hmm

Sundance2741 Wed 04-Nov-15 06:47:03

Could you not just go for the wedding? I don't know why your dd isn't invited but she is your family too - can't you miss the Friday do or at least travel back Saturday evening, depending on how late the wedding is? I never spent a night alone at 16 as I had younger siblings so can't comment whether it would be ok - how does your dd feel about it?

Savagebeauty Wed 04-Nov-15 06:49:55

Yes I would leave her as long as she was happy.

HearTheThunderRoar Wed 04-Nov-15 08:41:18

I accepted presuming that DD would be invited but apparently 'no cousins are invited' (DD would probably the only one who would come!) even though they know DD is probably going to have sit at my brother's house on her own 5 miles away whilst everyone else is having a good time hmm She doesn't want to go as she thinks she will be bored up there (no wifi, no one to hang with etc) and think she will be unwelcome.

I have to go to the wedding at least, as some is going to have to responsible sober to look after my mum otherwise she won't be able to get to and from the wedding. Oh and ex SIL is there so if anything kicks off, I will have to play peacemaker. You can tell this wedding is going to be a barrel of laughs? grin

The wedding is at 3:30pm with the reception starting at 5:30pm, so the earliest we could bail would be 7:00, then I still have to take my mum back to the rest home, sort her out etc, leave town at about 8:00pm and back home at 10-11pm. Friday do I could skip if mum doesn't want to go so I up Saturday am.

DD feels fine for one night but I think two might be hard so hopefully she will be able to have a friend over for one night otherwise she may have to come.

purpledasies Wed 04-Nov-15 11:37:55

I would leave her, if she's sensible. But find a local friend - or parents of a friend of hers, and ask them to be kind of on call for her in case of emergency (burst water pipe, injury, etc). My DSD stayed home alone for the odd night from 16 up.

iwantgin Thu 05-Nov-15 11:33:29

I have been leaving DS home alone for a while now. I think the first overnight might have been when he was 15 actually. ?

but he is perfectly happy with his own company and is mature enough to know who to contact in emergency.

Why not just go over on the Saturday ? That way your DD will only have to be on her own Saturday afternoon and night. No long stretches of time when she may have time to feel lonely/anxious about being alone.

BackforGood Fri 06-Nov-15 00:02:23

I certainly wouldn't take her to your brother's house - apart from the fact that would be extremely boring and unfair on her to miss her Sunday thing, it would look like you were trying to make some kind of a point.

As to if she can stay or not, it depends so much on the individual. At 16, I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving my ds, but about a year ago we too went to a wedding, and my then 16 yr old dd wanted to stay here, so the 13 yr old went to friends, and the 16 yr old was fine for 2 nights here. That said, we live in a City, have lovely neighbours, and various 'responsible adults' she could have called on if needed, within a 15min drive.
If you decide not to though, definitely let her stay with a friend, or have a friend to stay - don't drag her down to near the wedding to sit with her nose pressed against the glass and a Daily Fail sad face on.

itsthecircleoflife Fri 06-Nov-15 00:06:09

She will be fine. Just be prepared for her to want you to do it all over again grin

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