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A parents worst nightmare happened to me.

(105 Posts)
Crapgaz Sun 01-Nov-15 22:00:34

I was a dad to three big healthy boys, 21 yrs, 20 yrs, and 18, but I am now stuck in a nightmare as my youngest has just died.
He became ill with meningitis, and died of septicemia all in about 12 hours. The usual signs that you are supposed to look out for, ( and my wife and I have been aware of them since my eldest was born..neck ache,light hurting eyes,spots that don't go when you press a glass on them etc ) only began to appear 3 hours before he died.
Now we are preparing for his funeral, but things have slowed down as there is to be an inquest. I blamed myself for not getting the ambulance earlier, but my doctor said there was no way I could have known how serious it was. I was going through his room yesterday looking at his things, his clothes, his game controller on the floor where he left it. Picking up a few odds and ends I saw some old letters crumpled up in a corner. One of the letters ,about a year old, was from our surgery. When they grow up I thought it best to try and treat them like adults..give them any post that comes for them, and try not to be nosy, hoping they will tell you about anything important. It was a letter asking him to come and get his meningitis and septicemia vaccine, he must have ignored it.
I should have been nosy, or even thought about it myself, but my family have had a few problems lately, and things slip your mind.My doctor did ask if he had had the vaccine, and when we said we weren't sure she said it probably wouldn't have helped much anyway seeing how fast it took hold. So now I blame myself even more,which is why I have just joined Mumsnet, so I can perhaps make a few parents aware of just how terrible a thing like this can be, and maybe get as many of our kids vaccinated as we can.
One last thing, we have found a lot of support with Meningitis Now trust.

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 01-Nov-15 22:04:03

My heart goes out to you. Please don't blame yourself. Wishing you strength to get through these next few days.

HoneysuckleAndJasmine Sun 01-Nov-15 22:04:34

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. What a brave thing to come on here and warn us.

Do you want to talk about your son?

Littlefish Sun 01-Nov-15 22:04:49

I'm so very sorry to hear about the death of your youngest son.

stealtheatingtunnocks Sun 01-Nov-15 22:05:13


namelessposter Sun 01-Nov-15 22:06:15

I am so very very sorry for your loss.

stealtheatingtunnocks Sun 01-Nov-15 22:06:17

And, I'll be sure to follow up on vaccination letters when they are old enough to be dealing with that sort of thing themselves. I'd never thought about that.
<another hug>

Leavingsosoon Sun 01-Nov-15 22:06:22

I can't imagine how you must be feeling, Crapgaz, but please, please don't feel any sense of guilt or responsibility, please.

You probably already know that it's so normal to feel guilt at a loss but there is no way you could have been the wonderful dad I am positive you were and poke around in an adults room.

Meningitis is so awful and hard for this reason, it takes young people and I know I would have ignored a similar letter at 18. This was no ones fault but a tragic, tragic loss and my heart goes out to you, and your family.

I wish I could say something that might ease this pain for you as I really am incredibly moved by your post and your loss, I'm just so very, very sorry. flowers xxx

MrsBungle Sun 01-Nov-15 22:07:18

I'm so sorry. There are just no words. flowers

Mrstumbletap Sun 01-Nov-15 22:07:38

So sorry for you. flowers

mulberrybag Sun 01-Nov-15 22:07:48

All the love in the world to you.
I can only imagine the pain you are feeling.
Thank you for posting your message, it will surely touch someone to whom it will be of use x

timelytess Sun 01-Nov-15 22:07:48

I am so very sorry.

Cookingongas Sun 01-Nov-15 22:09:40

His death is not your fault. Your life will forever be changed by it- but it's not your fault. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. I lost a son. My son. I can't express , and I know that nor can you, the depth, cruelty , horrific, awfulness that is what I felt. Guilt needn't be added to grief. Please grieve, but please do not feel guilt. X

ladygracie Sun 01-Nov-15 22:10:05

I am so very very sorry for your loss.

FiveShelties Sun 01-Nov-15 22:11:30

Cannot find any words, other than to say that I am so very sorry for your loss.

luciole15 Sun 01-Nov-15 22:12:20

thanks for you and your family.

shoopshoopsong Sun 01-Nov-15 22:12:39

Really sorry and absolutely not your fault

Wineloffa Sun 01-Nov-15 22:13:28

I am so very sorry for your loss but please know this is not your fault flowers

DragonsCanHop Sun 01-Nov-15 22:13:56

This is not your fault, life is shit and shit things happen.

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

How are his brother, your sons coping?

PinPon Sun 01-Nov-15 22:13:58

I'm so sorry to hear of your son's death. Thank you for the warning - it's kind of you to do so. My thoughts are with you and your family.

DiscoDiva70 Sun 01-Nov-15 22:14:21

I'm really sorry for the loss of your son flowers

DelphiniumBlue Sun 01-Nov-15 22:15:02

So sorry, it's what every parent dreads. Our thoughts are with you and your family.

LimitedSedition Sun 01-Nov-15 22:15:04

So sorry for your

Shakey15000 Sun 01-Nov-15 22:16:35

I am so sorry for your loss.

Quietlygoingmad67 Sun 01-Nov-15 22:16:54

Sending love and strength for you and your family x

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