18 yr old away at uni and been diagnosed with depression

[nerfqueen]

DD been at uni (3 hours drive away) for 4 weeks now.

Boyfriend finished with her 5 days before she left stating it wouldn't work with them being at different unis. She has taken this really badly, as she cant understand how he can go from loving her to being happy being single (he posts loads of photos/statuses on facebook showing this). The relationship was 6 months long and her first 'proper' one.

She struggles to make friends and isn't into the clubbing/drinking scene.

She is finding the course harder than she thought it would be.

She messages me / phones me several times a day, often crying.

She cant get over the ex boyfriend. She is still messaging him daily, firstly trying to hold onto the past but he has since said there is no chance of them getting back together. But still she messages him, despite me telling her not to.

Obviously moving to uni and all that entails is tough for anyone but she is really struggling.

Ive suggested she comes home for a visit but she doesn't seem to want to (partly because she would have to share a room with her 14 yr old sister)

I cant get to her at the moment due to work, other children and the costs involved.

I finally persuaded her to see the gp who has diagnosed depression and has been prescribed anti-depressants which will obviously take a while to kick in.

It tears me apart with her being so far away.

Any advice?

[Olivepip59]

Poor you what a horribly worrying situation.

I think maybe try not to make any knee jerk decisions.

Take each issue separately.

Can you talk to her course tutors?

Is there counselling available for her?

I'd contact the pastoral team and try to get her local support. Keep listening, but try and help her to take each day as it comes.

I can assure you that it's possible to start a term like this and five weeks later feel that everything has fallen into place.

Hope it works out for you both, you sound like a lovely kind mum.

[dontrunwithscissors]

On a practical note, tell her to contact her personal tutor and submit a doctors note so that this is 'on record'. Most uni's have counselling services that she can access. She needs to do this---as a lecturer, I wouldn't speak to a student's mum about the situation.

[SilverdaleGlen]

I'd bring her home. But that's coloured by personal experience. DSIS similar ish situation sank like a stone when left at uni with depression. It's taken over 10 years for her to move on and be stable. She should never have gone it doesn't suit everyone.

Nor saying that will happen but being depressed and taking medication is very very hard. Doing that effectively alone, among people you cannot yet really know or trust and who are all "succeeding" and having fun. Feeling the weight of responsibility about completing a course. All way way too much imho.

She sounds like a home bird. Lacking confidence. Bring her home. Tell her it just doesn't bloody matter if Uni doesn't work. She can attend college locally from home or just go straight into work. There are other routes.

[nerfqueen]

Thanks for your replies. I'm taking each day as it comes, trying to offer support over the phone. She has had some brighter days which is good but in general she seems quite down.

She knows she can come home whenever for a visit or for good. But I believe the decision needs to be hers, and at the moment she is not ready to leave (uni was always the dream).

[nerfqueen]

She has also been referred to student services and several of her tutors are aware of the situation. A doctor's note seems a good idea, she already has one on file as she had glandular fever in may this year and at times the tiredness can still be an issue for her.