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DD wants to get a train on her own

(38 Posts)
twiglet59 Tue 27-Oct-15 14:35:35

Am I mad. DD has asked me if she can go and meet a friend she hasn't met before through snap chat. I said that it would be ok if I spoke to her parents first. It is also quite a journey to get a train up to London and then a coach from their. In all about 4 hours. I was going to take her upto London and then said she could get a coach the rest of the way. She is only 14 and has not travelled on her own before. I worried about her at the moment too. She is struggling with friendships at school. She had a very close friend and they have recently started to drift and dd is trying to break into other friendship groups.

Tokelau Tue 27-Oct-15 14:38:19

I have a 14 year old DD and I would say no, definitely. No, she can't go and meet a friend on her own that she hasn't actually met before. No, she can't go to London by train on her own at 14. No, to all of it actually. What if you went with her? Would that be a possibility?

NotAMamaYet Tue 27-Oct-15 14:38:22

Yes you are mad.

Everything's you have written screams 'danger' imo

Chopchopbusybusy Tue 27-Oct-15 14:41:33

No I wouldn't allow her to go. She knows nothing about this person.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 27-Oct-15 14:42:30

I thought this was going to be a train to the next town to meet a known friend.

This? No way shock

twiglet59 Tue 27-Oct-15 14:42:35

I was thinking it was mad too. Am going to say only way is if I come with her.

chrome100 Tue 27-Oct-15 14:42:57

I'd be fine with the train bit, she's 14, not a baby. But not with the meeting a stranger part. Can you go with her for the first time?

TigerFeat Tue 27-Oct-15 14:43:21

No. But once you have spoken to the parents and ascertained she is another 14 year old girl, why don't you and dd meet up with her (and possibly her mum) in London for an afternoon out.

ruddynorah Tue 27-Oct-15 14:43:32

Why is your dd meeting people on snapchat? Surely she should only be adding people she knows, not strangers.

Katymac Tue 27-Oct-15 14:43:36

Er no

I let DD go to the next city by herself at 14 -but we did the journey several times together and she was going to a class that would inform me if she didn't arrive

But to meet someone 'unknown'? no chance

bloodyteenagers Tue 27-Oct-15 14:45:12

I don't have an issue with travelling on her own.
But meeting a stranger. Are you mad? Cannot believe anyone thinks that's a reasonable question tbh.

NoSquirrels Tue 27-Oct-15 14:46:18

Going on a train at 14, probably not a problem (depending on maturity etc.)

Going on a train to the capital city, then transferring to a coach, at 14 = not unless no other forms of transport were available and she'd done the journey before a few times accompanied

Going on a train to the capital city, then transferring to a coach, then going to meet someone she's only "met" on the internet, on SnapChat, at 14 = NO WAY IN HELL.

Please don't even consider it. Invite the SnapChat friend to your place, or take your DD to meet her somewhere in the middle and supervise from a distance i.e. coffee shop together at separate tables etc.

BertrandRussell Tue 27-Oct-15 14:46:22

The train bit's absolutely fine- my 14 year old DS has already travelled from Kent to Edinburgh twice to visit his big sister.

But making a journey like that alone to meet someone she doesn't know? Absolutely, categorically, not!

waitingforcalpoltowork Tue 27-Oct-15 14:47:04

this? nope to meet regular friends yes but strangers? no

bloodyteenagers Tue 27-Oct-15 14:47:08

Can I also recommend that you sign up with CEOP. The site has lots of useful info for you both to stay safe online

HeteronormativeHaybales Tue 27-Oct-15 14:48:59

With the others in seeing far more of a problem with the 'unknown' friend than with the train.

I'd go with her, drop her off and actually meet her and the parents, then (if happy with the whole set-up) take myself off to a cafe/shopping/for a swim for a few hours and collect her later. Appreciate that with such a long journey this might involve an overnight stay somewhere with her afterwards, but if practicable, and in view of her struggles with friendships, I would make a weekend of it with her - dinner and a night in a hotel/B&B after collecting her from the friend.

NotCitrus Tue 27-Oct-15 14:50:55

Journey bit - fine.
Random stranger who could be anyone even if you speak to their "parents"? Hell no.

Go with and meet somewhere neutral in London.

FeelsLikeHome123 Tue 27-Oct-15 14:51:33

Yes Mad, Crazy infact, letting your 14 year old dd go off on her own to meet some randomer off the Internet. Anything could happen to her, it could be anyone there waiting for her and she'd be there all alone if it were to go wrong. Please find other ways to help your dd make new friends such as hobbies/similar interests.

VimFuego101 Tue 27-Oct-15 14:52:47

getting the train - fine.

Meeting up with someone she only knows via snapchat? absolutely not fine.

rogueantimatter Tue 27-Oct-15 14:52:53

How do you meet someone through snapchat? I thought you have to know someone to exchange snapchat 'addresses'?

And how would this friendship have any chance of being sustainable when they're so far away?

Better to get into new friendship through shared interests IMO

f1fan2015 Tue 27-Oct-15 15:08:04

This might not be in AIBU but I was going to say YABU then read it was someone she has never met let alone you not having met them.

YANBU to say no but if you want to let your daughter go and you go along - make sure you meet somewhere very public. Please educate your daughter in internet safety, you can never trust that the person on the other computer is who they say they are.

Helenluvsrob Tue 27-Oct-15 15:27:43

4hr train journey at 14? No problems, We can do that ( with a bit of education and practice).

Meeting " friend" off the internet at 14- no way- even if they were round the corner!

And ... I'd be especially wary if she is feeling friendless and " needy" . She's a groomers dream customer.

twiglet59 Tue 27-Oct-15 15:44:54

Thanks for all the answers. Don't know why I even contemplated it. Lot's of good advice.

IHaveBrilloHair Tue 27-Oct-15 15:49:59

No, and I let my then 13yr old travel four hours on her own to see her bf, but she had met him in person, he was a friend of my friend's dcs and my friend was in the same town should dd need help.

sarahsarah34 Tue 27-Oct-15 15:57:20

No. DD 14 does get the train to London (50 mins from here) with friends and I'm fine with that.

However I would not let her travel alone to meet someone she's never met before. I'd be concerned about why she wants to and how she added a stranger anyhow and why!

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