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y8 friendship issues - yeah i know!

(2 Posts)
manechanger Thu 22-Oct-15 14:40:59

i know this is par for the course and reading through titles in this section a really little problem but I'm not sure if I should get involved or not.

we moved here when dd was in y5 and went to new school. friendships were tricky in first six months she was gossiped about by other parents and complaints were made to me by a parent who made me realise how futile it is for parents to be involved in their kids friendships. In y6 she made a lovely friend who dramatically improved her time here, both seemed to have the right balance of involvement and understanding of personal space.

They are at the same high school, different forms. Looks like dd's friend is in a form with some of the girls that caused trouble before and she is being left out so seems to have started to lean heavily on dd. Suddenly the balance is shifting and dd feels suffocated. She wants to get some of her own time back with her new secondary friends but her friend isn't taking any hints and has started to send mildly paranoid messages. This is irritating rather than helping. I think dd sould be more sympathetic but also understand that she needs some space, wasn't like this in y7 so wonder if something new is happening to make friend change her behaviour.

I'm concerned that dd will get more irritated and they will fall out, leaving friend alone. Not sure if it's worth talking to her mum, don't know the woman that well so difficult to guage how she'd take it.

BabyGanoush Tue 27-Oct-15 09:06:12

Best to stay out of it at this age.

With my 13 yr old, I am there for advice but leave him to figure out friendship stuff by himself. I guess it is part of growing up to manage these kind of situations.

My 11 yr old has some friendship issues, and with him I am sympathetic if he is sad but again leave him to deal with it by himself . I would step in in case of bullying though.

In your case I would not speak to the mum (realistically, what would you say?) but just help your DD to find a way of dealing with this herself, without adult intervention.

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