Teaching teenagers the value of money(69 Posts)
So, DSD is 15 this month, and like some teenage girls has a little bit of a sense of entitlement and had a bit of an unfair moan at her dad last month. The basis of the moan was that all her friends have Michael Kors handbags, Marc Jabobs phone cases, so and so's dad is going to buy her a brand new car when she passes her test etc. Instagram and Snapchat (which she's heavily into) just magnifies this showy obsession.
She also had what I thought was a bit of an unreasonable go at her dad for having a Ralph Lauren hoodie in his wardrobe, something that he didn't get until his early thirties. We explained to her that neither of us could afford anything vaguely designer until we were much older than her but it did no good at all. Her response was "well you could have spent that money on me Dad, I was born before you bought it"
She's a lovely DSD on the whole but constantly pressuring for money, her pocket money (Direct Debit into her account each month, £10 from both sets of Grandparents and my DP) is always saved for relatively high end high street purchases to keep up with her friends. That means that she is constantly complaining of no spare money for lipsticks, music downloads etc.
We stick relatively firm on not bailing her out but will occasionally treat her to the odd tenner once a month if she's been nice to her brother and we're out shopping.
She doesn't really have any concept of the value of money, regardless of how much we tell her and she's still a little bit too young for a part time job. I've read up on this and there's conflicting theories online about how to teach them through chores etc. Does anyone have any tricks that they have tried that have worked wonders?
I'm toying with the idea of taking a weekend budget, splitting it 3 ways then asking her to contribute equally to everything we do from food shopping to petrol and coffees, treats etc. Is that a good idea or will she starve herself all weekend and walk away with £40?
I think that maybe a job really is the answer. Round here 15 would definitely be old enough to babysit, and it's quite a good lesson in that it's pretty well paid but you have to give up your Friday or Saturday night when you could be going out with your mates!
She isn't too young for babysitting if she wants high-end goods. I would also pay for chores she isn't normally expected to do - I'm going to instigate this in my house too although mine are a bit younger.
A job does seem the right way to go tbh, they can work on markets from 14, they can busk, wait on tables but not serve alcohol, collect glasses, paper round, baby sitting.
From an early age ours were involved with our monthly budget and could see the income and outgoings on the sheet.
from tots I'd show them the money in my purse, tell them what we needed and let them work out if there was anything left for sweets or a treat.
If she has to earn her money the designer stuff will be a thing of the past.
but who has raised her to compete with peers and be so materialistic?
If it's her Dad well you can't blame her for the comments about his designer wear.
"If she has to earn her money the designer stuff will be a thing of the past."
Either that or she'll work hard and earn the money for it - which would be equally fine in my book.
Earn some (doing chores, baby sitting, gardening etc)
Designer goods are luxuries
Does a 17 year old really need a brand new car ?
I think if you look at the stats alot of young people have accidents
Would it not be better to buy an old banger
When will she be 16? Up until then it's paper rounds and babysitting.
£30 a month pocket money isn't much at 15 so that in itself must teach her to budget.
I gave mine an allowance around 15/16 to cover all clothes, entertainment, birthday presents, phone. (they only had old PAYG).I worked it out using as a guide the amount I had spent on clothes in the previous year.
Both DC saved most of it and begrudged spending anything on clothes.
Part time jobs are very hard to get in some places until you are 16. Both of mine got little jobs at 16 and before that I would pay them for big chores (fence painting, log chopping etc).
Fundamentally though it's her materialistic attitude that is the problem. If she has grown up thinking that expensive handbags are something to aspire to there is a problem. at the idea of DH having a designer anything in his wardrobe. Most of his clothes are older than 19 year old DS.
Thanks all for your replies, I think Ifitoldyou has hit the nail on the head, at her age I was getting excited about saving up for a Rimmel Heather shimmer lipstick and making sure I had enough money to go whatever disco of the month was on! I definitely didn's have any aspirations of owning mid to high end designer goods!
The influence is definitely from her friends and social media though, her "crowd" are very much keep up with the jones's, her mother's family are the complete opposite of flash spenders and her Dad rarely spends any money on himself, if he does it's never brands. The one hoodie he has wasnt even bought by him I don't think.
I guess when she gets some sort of job it might mean a bit more, she's only just 15 so there's a way to go yet.
I have to confess though that while neither DS is bothered about clothes or iPhones they are envious of the many friends who get a car for their 17th birthday.
This is nothing to do with wealth or keeping up with Joneses it's because we live in a rural area with no public transport. A car means freedom. It also means parents are released from lift duty (which I suspect is the main reason for such generosity).
I never say no to lifts at any hour but still I can see how a car would be wonderful from the point of view of a 17 year old living in the country.
I'm a bit at the entitled, grabby comment "You could've spent it on me!" on finding a designer item in her dad's wardrobe. I also have a dd who's friends are given all the bling in the way of designer bags, new Minis on passing their tests etc.. but instead of feeling entitled, dd saves all her birthday/xmas money and is now looking for a job to save for these things. Hopefully when your dsd turns 16, she won't feel outraged at the suggestion.
I was a little bit fuming, well no that's an understatement!!
We've told her that when it comes to cars we will match whatever she manages to save, that's it. When I was a teenager I lived in the middle of nowhere so my dad bought me a banger at auction. And it got me from a to b but I had to pay him back £60 a month until I paid all the money back. Only then was it mine!!
Her dad is an incredibly hard worker in a very noble but not brilliantly paid job and he never buys anything nice for himself so that comment was hard to swallow.
hence the reason why I'm trying to find a solid grounding effort for her!
Please let me know if you succeed with your dsd, i too have a very entitled dsd age 16 who is increasingly pay-per-view, and the price and demands goes up monthly. If dh suggested she got a job I doubt he'd hear from her again.
Mine are still young, 6, 2 and 6 months. 6 year old DD has a list of chores she helps with so she gets pocket money for cleaning her room and helping with keeping the house tidy, she doesn't get pocket money for laying the table, helping with the dishwasher, making her bed or putting her washing in the basket. These are chores that help as a member of the family and need done regardless.
When I was a teen not that long ago I'm only 27, I got £10 a month for helping around the house, my parents bought me any clothes I needed etc. I wanted more money so as soon as I turned 13 I got a job in a hotel waitressing at the weekends and more during the holidays which gave me the extra money to go out more with friends and buy treats I wanted. So I would say a Pt job is the way to go. I also saved up and paid all my own driving lessons and the stuff for my car (parts,tax,insurance etc) which really showed me the value of money. Parents bought me my first car, an old N reg Clio I loved that car.
I agree no 17 year old needs a brand new car
Dont worry, she's definitely not getting a brand new car!! But there's always one kid at school who makes all the other parent's jobs harder.
We have teens with parents who spend a lot on teens .a new car and 2 grand is what one just got for doing well in a levels .
We didn't give our son anything as what do you do if they fail ?! We celebrated .
We are not mean .we just didn't want to put money value on pass or fail .
What we do with our family is give an allowance each .we pay for all food etc and toiletries .then we have a clothing allowance each month .we take it in turns to access it but sometimes also based on need .eg if someone needs a jumper then they get it .however - which is mostly the case- we take it in turns to get what we need / fancy .eg ds need s jumper this month but not bothered about anything else so the rest of allowance up for grabs .it helps them to plan .
As for the you should have spent it on me comment - sounds like she's under pressure from her peer group - maybe help her see not all teens have this .also it may be the teen ego brain and it may pass!
But if it's one parent making it harder then surley they are in the minority ?explain that ?
She does sound grubby but also her allowance is very low. What her grandparents give her is really nothing to do with her dad so essentially he gives her 10 a month. That is mean. We were never into big spending but gave our teens their age in money per week so in our house she would have got 15 per week. Ours usually spent it on cinema books and relatively cheap clothes. Leaving her so short can build resentment so l would definitely up her money.l would be interested to hear what other teenagers get as mine are early twenties now. She doesn't have enough now to buy anything. 2.50 a week!!On the other hand when they got part time jobs they decided they needed nothing new and saved like mad as it was their own money.
My 17 year old gets £70 a month to cover all clothes, phone (£7.50) and entertainment. I don't take away their allowances if they get part time work.
I agree £30 a month is low. But what does she have to buy with this? What "extras" do you provide, if any? Would you be prepared / able to increase it, if she did more household chores, for example, and she was responsible for "everything", apart from maybe any school related costs and "essential" clothing?
£10 a month pocket money from you and her DF is down right mean TBH, unless you're on the breadline. That's not even a new top from new look, and is barely a lip gloss it a cinema ticket.
OR a cinema ticket that should say! When I was 15 I got £10 a week and that was in 1997!
Job, 100%. All of mine have had jobs here and there since they were 13/14 (and an allowance). Her allowance should come up a bit if possible and she can work for the rest.
One of my children is extremely materialistic, far more so than his siblings, he was like this, he got a job (at a florists) when he was 13 (16 now) and is hooked on working, he loves it, goes and earns money every opportunity he can to buy more crap. He's more materialistic than ever but he's a bloody hard worker and it's translated into other areas of his life like his school work.
She needs to understand that, whatever you have in life, there will ALWAYS be someone who has more - bigger, better, more often, more 'trendy', 'latest' version of whatever. She can spend her life envying them, or she can choose to enjoy / appreciate what she's got. It's only her that's going to end up bitter. After all, for every person that gets the things she covets, there will be others who don't have a half of what she does. Maybe she needs to think about that a bit.
I would continue as you are - she has plenty of pocket money by the sounds of it - she needs to decide if she'd prefer to save each month until she can afford a 'designer' this or that, or if she'd rather have cash to spend each month.... just the same as most of the population do.
Stick to your guns. My 14yo has £30pm and my 16yo £50. I buy their clothes on top of that (DH earns six figures, to put this into context). If the older one wants more he gets a holiday cover paper round to top it up. Your DSD is old enough to deliver papers or babysit. The more you give her the more she'll want, going by what you've said.
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