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Attention seeking? How much should I tell school?

(6 Posts)
BooToYouToo Sun 04-Oct-15 17:02:58

Had a worried call from mum of DD's friend saying my DD (13) said she is depressed and thinking of suicide.

I managed to read her texts to her friends and it does seem to be attention seeking as she asks one friend to tell the others and then chases her to make sure they all know. Then she gets a stream of texts from her concerned friends saying how wonderful she is and they love her etc.

MY DD says to her friend she can't tell me as we are always arguing (not true, in fact I've had a cold this week and she's been really loving). She says she told her dad she was depressed (true) and that he will talk to his sister who has experience of depression (he didn't say that).

My guess is as one of the quietest of her group of friends she got worried when a new girl came into the group. She also hates her appearance and was down about having the school photo this week. And having just started year 9 she is worrying about all the GCSE talk.

So, do I tell her after she told her dad she was depressed I read her texts and ask about the suicidal thoughts?

Think I will let school know about the GCSE worries but do I mention what she texted her friends?

mrstweefromtweesville Sun 04-Oct-15 17:07:43

Does she have any professional help? It sounds like she needs it. Go through the GP right away.

By all means inform the school of her concerns.

The term 'attention seeking' suggests you think she doesn't really have a problem - that might be why she isn't talking to you. She has told her father and her friends that she really needs support.

I wouldn't tell her you've read her texts. She will feel violated.

Asking for help when you need it should be encouraged. Please believe her and support her.

BooToYouToo Sun 04-Oct-15 17:34:04

Thanks mrstwee, will call GP tomorrow for advice.

EvilTwins Sun 04-Oct-15 17:39:10

I would definitely contact the school - do they have specific pastoral care people?

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sun 04-Oct-15 17:43:36

I think you should tell the school and speak to your gp about getting her an appointment.

She is expressing her distress and current state of mind, it's harmful I think to see it as attention seeking. She is reaching out to others, that's a positive thing. It doesn't mean that she isn't at risk of harming herself in some way though, so you do need to act. I'm sure the school would be able to access some counseling support.

You should take her seriously and try not to read too much in to her saying she can't talk to you etc. I think that can be pretty normal for teen girls!

BooToYouToo Sun 04-Oct-15 18:38:57

Thanks for all your advice. I guess because she didn't seem unhappy at home (snuggling up watching TV, laughing with bro at old videos and dancing around) I thought it was maybe exaggerated for her friends. She's always very keen to talk about her day with me good and bad.

I used a newspaper article today about teen stress to have a chat about the worries she has and she said it was mainly GCSE but didn't want me to talk to her teachers as her friends would know. I talked about cutting and harmful thoughts (without mentioning her texts) and she said she was fine so I couldn't think of a way to get school/GP involved. However, as you say, she seems to be looking for help so I think I'll say that I was worried that she'd told her dad she was depressed and had to act.

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