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It's getting out of hand

(10 Posts)
Everythingzrosie Thu 30-Jul-15 22:05:49

Ds1 is just 17. His gf is also 17. They have known each other a long time as school friends but started a relationship in March.

I am trying my best to let him get on with having a controlling gf but things feel like they are spiralling out of control and I fear my ds will not cope.

She is trying to get pregnant. Something my ds assures me is something he does not want. (& has plenty of condoms to prevent it!) She is also saying she will get engaged to him-he hasn't asked her. She has even chosen the rings and the baby's names.

I have discussed with him the implications of having a baby so young and also the cost (she doesn't work, ds works part time) both live at home.

I know it's not my place to get involved with their relationship but I have a huge fear my ds is about to get trapped.

Having just read another poster describing how she is fearing her ds controlling gf, I feel it is more common than I thought but the whole baby thing is worrying as its life changing.

What do I do? Stand back and be there for him or intervene & talk to the gf?( who by the way stays away as she knows exactly what she is doing)

Littlepinkpear Thu 30-Jul-15 22:07:35

How is your relationship with her parents? Do they share your fears?

VegasIsBest Thu 30-Jul-15 22:12:25

I don't see how you can stand back when this affects your own son. Personally I'd be sending him off to boarding school! Not realistic I know, but you need to help open his eyes to options in life.

What he is thinking of doing next? Could you get him really interested in thinking about university / apprenticeships etc so he is thinking actively about a different future?

Everythingzrosie Thu 30-Jul-15 22:14:27

Where's the difficulty-I worked with one of her daughters for 3 years and we got on great. Until my ds started going out with her daughter. She was encouraging my ds to leave home and was going to charge him money to live there. When I asked her not to do that she criticised my parenting and told me that I don't respect my ds, that I need to let him do his own thing (he was 16). So approaching her will be fruitless I feel. I have no idea if she knows what her daughter is trying to do. There's only so many times I can ask my ds to make sure he is wearing condoms!

coffeeisnectar Thu 30-Jul-15 22:14:45

If he's using condoms then there's not much more you can do. I really would not talk to the gf as this could back fire on you. I would hope that as your son seems sensible he will end this with her sooner rather than later. But make sure he's got enough condoms.

Everythingzrosie Thu 30-Jul-15 22:15:12

Here is* not where. iPad correcting me!

CordeliaFoxx Thu 30-Jul-15 22:18:33

Without sounding alarmist - make sure he is control of the condoms, years ago when I was at school a girl pulled the old "pin prick" trick, and was successful.

Everythingzrosie Thu 30-Jul-15 22:18:54

He's already thrown away an apprenticeship that( I have no proof of but think she might have had some hand in him quitting it) When I try to talk to him about what he is planning on doing ie college, work, he tells me 'he's sorting it' and shuts down. He has this dream of being a DJ but I have tried my hardest to explain how difficult this line of work is and that he has to start at the bottom. He seems to think people on Twitter has his golden ticket to being a VIP DJ...

Everythingzrosie Thu 30-Jul-15 22:21:14

Yes this is another thing I am concerned about- the pin trick or the 'it's the safe part of the month for me' she is constantly ringing him and texting him. It's all consuming (I was a teenager once I get it but this is on stalking levels).

CordeliaFoxx Thu 30-Jul-15 22:37:09

Having 3 DSs I dread the coming years, my eldest is 12 so it's approaching rapidly. Friends say "at least it's not girls", but a silly mistake/decision can effect boys just as much.

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