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15yo DD lying and being deceitful

(11 Posts)
fessmess Fri 24-Jul-15 07:45:57

How do you cope with this? It's driving me nuts, if she doesn't like a rule she then sneakily breaks it or blatantly ignores it. She thinks she's in charge and it's making our home into a war zone. Christ, it's so tough. I'll give you an eg, we turn router off at night she gets up and sneaks it back on. There are consequences given, she just thinks she can win this.

It's exhausting!

dexter73 Fri 24-Jul-15 07:56:14

Change the router password each day. If she is a pita don't give her the password that day.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 24-Jul-15 07:58:53

Change the password to "my house my rules"
She is trying to show she is adult by breaking your rules. Stay calm-explain why the rules are there and stick to them. And to use another MN adage-choose your battles. Good luck. (Veteran of 4 now almost all adults)

fessmess Fri 24-Jul-15 08:03:55

Thanks, I agree with "pick your battles" it just feels like she's upping the ante. It just feels like we're digging trenches and donning tin-hats and my youngest is being affected by all the arguing. I am calm(as much as possible) she screams like a Banshee. I think some teens just need to push and feel the boundaries are still there, it makes them feel secure.

On a practical note we did try the change password thing but it was inconveniencing the rest of the family.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 24-Jul-15 08:09:30

Take the router (or the cable) to bed. I take electronic devices off them at 9, if they refuse to give them up they're grounded and I take the router instead.

The key at this age is to have as few rules as possible. We've got about 5 rules which have zero flexibility.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 24-Jul-15 08:12:31

Mines the same, screams like a banshee. I just ignore it and don't argue back. I just take the router (or whatever it is) away.

I took the phone charger once til the phone ran down and didn't give it back until she handed over the phone (was becoming obsessed) - once she handed over the phone she only actually lost it for 24 hours. The two days of her refusing to hand over the phone was much more hassle (which I ignored).

specialsubject Fri 24-Jul-15 11:40:48

I second taking the router to bed with you.

remove all toys, remind her that those that want 'respect' need to give some back and ignore all tantrums as you did when she was a toddler. Remind that yelling and shrieking is for two year olds, if she wants to be treated like a two year old, fine with you. Bed at 7, no screen time, no going out alone...

Gymbob Fri 24-Jul-15 13:30:00

we have our WiFi settings on the EE server. we have some devices go off at 9, then others change to a different network so are unaffected. the adult devices change to that and the kids WiFi is off. does that make sense?

there is no way they can change the password or even find out what it is as its set from our home pc, and that is set up like fort Knox. and anyway you need a password to get on to EE.

Gymbob Fri 24-Jul-15 13:31:46

oh and btw, my DD is queen of lies and deceit, sorry. want to compare notes? grin

OccamsLadyshave Fri 24-Jul-15 14:00:14

Against the grain here, but assuming you are on school holidays now, does it matter if she's on the internet at night?

My DD is 13 but she is actually pretty good at self-regulating. She doesn't want to be online all night, but she rages like the best of them if I try to actually prevent her.

They do need to learn some self regulation and I would think that during summer holidays at age 15 isn't a bad time to learn it.

Obviously if there are any bullying or other mental health issues this might not apply but you might be surprised that once she stays up until stupid o'clock one night (and you HAVE to hoover right outside her room at 8am the next day!) she might decide that sleep is not overrated!

SanityClause Fri 24-Jul-15 19:18:19

Get the teenage manual, Get out of my life, but first take me and Alex into town.

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