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DD14 lying about having a boyfriend

(13 Posts)
lazymaisy Sat 18-Jul-15 05:58:19

I've discovered that my DD who's 14 has been seeing a boy from her class at school for the last couple of months.
He seems like a nice boy but I'm very concerned that she's lied a couple of times about where she was going and met him.
She denies it when I've asked her about it even though I know for sure she's lying! I'm more worried about the lying than anything else.
Not sure how to proceed really. Any advice?

Euphemia Sat 18-Jul-15 07:57:35

Teens lie. They just do. You're not going to be able to stop or control that.

I'd be more concerned with whether she's being safe - have you had that conversation?

lazymaisy Sat 18-Jul-15 10:52:00

Thanks for the reply. She's very switched on about safety so I'm sure she wouldn't do anything reckless. I think I'll try and talk to her about it again though. It's difficult because it just seems so young at 14 still to me.

Bonsoir Sat 18-Jul-15 10:54:24

She's concealing the truth because she is worried about your disapproval. Try to be more open minded so that she trusts that you won't be judgemental. It's OK to have a boyfriend smile

lazymaisy Sat 18-Jul-15 11:31:22

Thanks. Yes I'm not sure why she feels the need to hide it. I thought we had quite an open relationship.
I haven't got a problem really with the boyfriend, he's in her year at school lives very close to us and seems very nice. It does worry me a bit that she could be pressured into things though. She is very bright and confident so I'm hoping not but it's thrown me that she's been lying.
I'll try another chat later.

Bonsoir Sat 18-Jul-15 14:39:13

I really think that you need to move on from the idea that your daughter is "lying" to you. She isn't "lying" - she's concealing the truth in order to maintain her privacy as best she can. You will find it very difficult to navigate your DD's maturation into an adult if you do not respect her right to privacy and condemn attempts to preserve it as "lying".

YeOldTrout Sat 18-Jul-15 16:26:18

I don't often agree with Bonsoir but she has a point. Why should your DD have to tell you? Privacy is a big deal to teens.

DD's peer group were often pairing off before end of primary. The relationship consisted of nothing more than sly looks and public recognition. 14yo isn't that young at all. The yr8 group have now progressed to the point that kissing isn't uncommon but it's still a big deal.

sillygiraffe Sat 18-Jul-15 18:31:32

Dd16 wouldn't tell me if she had a boyfriend as she thinks I am too nosy and interfering. Its probably a bit embarrassing for your dd to talk about such things to you. I haven't really got any advice but my dd would be exactly the same.

titchy Sat 18-Jul-15 21:43:34

I think euphemia was talking about safe sex by the way, not crossing the road carefully....

lazymaisy Sat 18-Jul-15 21:46:08

Yes I think you're right. I'm still trying to get used to the idea of her as a young adult who needs privacy.
I know I wasn't always completely honest with my mum at her age and she does get easily embarrassed.
We're going away on oliday this week so I'm hoping the enforced distance will give me a chance to have a proper talk with her.

Bellemere Sat 18-Jul-15 21:46:16

How did you find out she was "lying"?

lazymaisy Sat 18-Jul-15 21:47:30

Thanks titchy I knew what she meant!

lazymaisy Sat 18-Jul-15 21:49:02

I saw a message flash up on her phone and she was seen with this boy.

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