Found drugs in DS room.(62 Posts)
DS, 17, has just gone away for a week. On the side in his bedroom he has left a plastic bag with the remains of some drugs in it. It's probably a 'legal' high. A parcel arrived for him recently so he clearly bought it online. We have a five year old so I'm also furious, in addition to any damage he may be doing to himself, that he would leave something like that lying around.
He is back next week so we have plenty of time to set out our reaction.
I would really appreciate any insights or experiences.
I'm sorry. No experience here but bumping for you
I'm probably not the right person to be answering this for you but...
Both my DW and I are 'casual' users of cannabis. We are very discrete about it but our eldest (15) knows we smoke.
Fast forward to Monday...whilst putting socks away my DW smelt grass in his drawer and on investigating further found a joint.
Now, we have not been angry, that would be hypocritical. But we have had a word with him along the lines of;
What it can do to a 'young' brain
If your going to do it do it with people you trust implicitly
Where did you get it from
How it would make him feel, both the good parts and the bad parts
What bad effects on life it can have
It's 2015, the 21st century and things are different from when my wife and I grew up in the 70's and 80's.
We would not stop him from doing anything, this will just drive this sort of thing underground so it's done in secret. I'd rather know what he is up to so we can advise him appropriately. If we don't know we can't advise.
So...my advice....don't blow up, do your research and have an adult conversation with him
I can't believe the post above... Patents smoking drugs.. Child caught with drugs.. What the hell!! I experimented in my youth and early twenties but would I be taking drugs as a parent.. hell flipping No!!!
Absolutely shocked! Do you think that's normal behaviour and good parenting taking drugs.. Of course your children are going to end up on drugs! Awful parenting!
OP drugs have changed so much since my younger years when I experimented. They are now full of god knows what chemicals and harmful ingredients. I think you come down hard! Print off recent headlines and news stories of all the poor teens that have died (the ones that show pictures their parents have released of them in comas wired up to machines in hospital) I would shock the hell out of him and make him realise how dangerous it is. Also call Frank (Google them) them are drug experts can advice. What ever you do don't let it go.. As you will never forgive yourself not coming down hard or trying everything in your power to stop him ever doing it again if something god forbid happened to him.
Most kids will experiment and most parents experimented too. To say otherwise would be hypocritical.
My worry would be that the drugs of today are much stronger than any that were around in the 1970s or 1980s and that the parents may not be aware of the greater risks.
Also the crap ordered from the internet is the worst!! Comes from god knows what country, containing god knows what harmful dangerous lethal chemicals. Even if it's packaged or advertised as coming from uk.. It's mostly likely not. Not trying to scare you... But you and he both need to know how dangerous it is.
And no, I wouldn't come down hard on my kids as that just drives the drug taking underground. It's much better to discuss it up front providing you listen and don't judge. As long as the kids are willing to talk, they may listen to your pov.
Just because you take drugs DOES NOT MEAN your kids will take drugs!! FFS do your research .....
Going off your head helps no one !
I thought the above response from the non hypocritical parent was fantastic.
Be calm, open up & make sure not to push your kid away.
Legal highs are terrifying, a whole new breed of nightmare as no one actually knows what they are, they're easy to get & cheap.
I have had a real shady past, don't take drugs now & would be so upset if my child did but I would not be hitting the roof & causing them to put up a brick wall!
I have nothing useful to add except that I agree with the point made about having a serious conversion about the dangers and about your 5 year old being under the same roof.
I hate to say it but if they want to do it then they will (I remember my teenage years and smoking / drinking / ocassional joint and my parents were so strict that it made me all the more determined to rebel)
I hope you are ok OP.
Newtobecomingamum I think you have a hard lesson to learn should your DC ever sadly find themselves in such a position. It's incredibly tough dealing with drugs & DC's, coming down hard on them has the total negative effect - there is huge research into this
My dh and I drink much more than is sensible. We have a Ds who is teetotal, possibly because of our drinking.
It does not mean because parents did something the kids will automatically copy them!
Don't listen to the second poster. They mention FRANK, but heir advice is different, do check out their website. Don't be hysterical, be open and truthful. No point scaremongering.
So you are all condoning is ok for parents to take drugs! I didn't say that all parents taking drugs means that children will.... The poster said their child knew about their drug taking so being a child thinking it's ok for their parents to do it they are doing it too in this case.
Having a nicey conversation about the negatives of taking drugs blah blah isn't going to stop them.. Never stopped me or my friends when our parents had these chats. However, had I had been exposed to the images, stories and what the media had exposed now this would most certainly had stopped me! At the end of the day it's not lies, it's hardcore facts and if this scared the shit out of my child taking drugs again id bloody do it. However, my parenting and the way I raise my children this doesn't meant that they can't approach me about things.., I had am amazing open relationship with my parents talking about EVERYTHING and this is the way I am with my children.
But when it comes to drug taking, hell yeah I'm going to be hard.. It's not like theft, bunking school etc... They can go to prison, get expelled but at least you will see them again. Taking one drug can end a life!
I find it interesting how people conveniently forget that alcohol is a drug when discussing these things...
Also, how alcohol has been proven scientifically as physically and psychologically worse for you than other (illegal, non-taxable) drugs.
I suggest you read the website you have recommended. They have a different approach to what you suggest.
If you consider the number of people that take drugs every weekend, if there was a real risk there would be deaths reported every Monday morning.
Statistically it is possibly safer now than ever before. However you can always get a bad batch or have a reaction. But scaremongering to the youngsters ain't going to help. Once they are over 16, you have virtually no control and over 18, it's their choice.
I didn't say that Frank would suggest my approach. It it a useful site to find out more about drugs etc and said they can help advise. Never once said Frank recommends my views
I don't condone drug use but as a parent I hope I have a realistic outlook on the issues.
I'd be wary of legal highs. Judging from the concern in your post you know legal doesn't = safe, if anything they can be more dangerous as they're stronger because they're not cut with as much shit as the illegal stuff on the street is. I'd tell him it's not okay at all. It wasn't all that lol ago that mephedrone (mcat) was legal and that turned out so badly.
It's not only about the deaths Jane. Don't be so ignorant.
As if the media has time to report every death etc with all the stuff going on in the world.
A death is a death at the end of the day. Real children dying, real parents suffering... That's not scaremongering... It's facts.
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