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"It's not WHAT you say, mum, it's the WAY you say it."

(7 Posts)
wanderings Thu 09-Jul-15 10:51:32

Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I remember vividly that I was always happy to do chores and be helpful, on one condition: that I was asked in a neutral manner which befitted an adult. (As a teenager, and even as a child, I valued every bit of independence I had: I longed to be an adult, and now that I am one, I am in a very happy place indeed, even at the age of 35. After I was at university, I moved back in with my parents for a few months, and found the resulting loss of independence very hard indeed.)

Whenever my mum used a voice which was at all naggy, or whiny, overly concerned, or sounded like she was addressing a naughty child or disobedient dog, I remember I used to resist fiercely whatever she was asking me to do; or if she asked me about my school day, or homework, or test results while sounding or looking worried, I remember refusing to say anything. But I was always happy to answer if the question was asked in a neutral tone. (I do realise now this wasn't easy for her; sometimes she used to get other members of the family to ask me important questions, as I think she found it difficult to keep emotion out of her voice. Bless her.)

I'm just wondering how normal this is. Do you have a teen who insists on being talked to as an adult (deservedly or otherwise), or do you remember being like this yourself?

FenellaFellorick Thu 09-Jul-15 10:56:00

I think it's common for teens. When they grow up they become more rational. I was a total brat as a teen. grin my mum and dad couldn't breathe in the right way!

FenellaFellorick Thu 09-Jul-15 10:57:45

Meant to say it's common re being ott re 'tone' and having a strop if you don't get talked to 'as a grown up'

FenellaFellorick Thu 09-Jul-15 11:00:26

And adults don't talk to each other in a toneless neutral voice so it's not reasonable for a child to expect that

My phone keeps deciding it's time to post. Sorry.

VenusRising Thu 09-Jul-15 11:02:43

Wanderings I think that's entirely normal.

Indeed, I think it's difficult to listen to any adult or child who whines or whinges. Can't be arsed even listening. I just think "wtf's your problem" <rolls eyes>
It's a skill that's helped me weed out many a manchild though, so not a bad thing at all!

Tbh I was ready to leave home at 15, but stayed until I had finished the first part of my education- left for uni. without a backward glance.

Livvylovess Wed 15-Jul-15 16:56:56

My DD loves to hate me just be cause she can. Loves to moan grown etc just because she can. Will stand up for herself and her sister and cause big arguments because she can. I just laugh at her, tell her I love her and to stop talking Sh**T. I can out talk her SH88T any day. laughing at her she just stamps her feet and hides in her room till I get .. Muuuuummm you know... or muuuum can I....... or muuumm........ would you. They have a short memory span and a shorted attention span.

Their world revolves around them.

Vickyy1976 Thu 16-Jul-15 18:45:37

If by "talked to as an adult" you mean being talked to with respect and courtesy then yes, I'd say it is normal for a teenager to expect that.

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