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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

DS has rescued a teenage girl who lost her friends. Now what?

142 replies

CQ · 04/07/2015 23:52

He's in town with a group of friends, big event in our town this weekend so lots of teenagers milling about. Friends (all boys) coming back to stay as arranged. All 16.

DS has just called to ask if it's ok for a girl to come and crash. She's 16, he knows her from school, she's lost her friends in town and can't get home.

I've told him she needs to call her parents and give them my number so they can call me and verify.

But how will I know she's done this? I can put her in a spare room but I won't be able to hear if there's any 'corridor creeping' going on after I'm in bed.

As the mother of a girl I really want to talk to this girls parents. What if she doesn't want me to? I can hardly chuck her out, I want her to be safe. But she might really not want her parents to know she's been so daft. But I would want to know.

WWYD?

They are on their way now - about 15 mins on foot.

I'm putting pizzas in the oven to soak up the alcohol.

OP posts:

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Smellyoulateralligator · 04/07/2015 23:54

I'd speak to her parents when she gets to your house. Then they've got the option of collecting her.

Blu · 04/07/2015 23:56

where is she supposed to be spending the night?
Or how was she supposed to get home?
Have she and her friends not got phones?
When she arrives, get her number and call her parents!

SavoyCabbage · 05/07/2015 00:01

I don't think you can just keep her!

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 05/07/2015 00:08

When she arrives ask her to call her parents so you can check with them that it's ok.

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 00:09

Sounds like she was always invited otherwise she'd just be sorting out getting to wherever she was supposed to be (and wherever she told her folks she is)

antimatter · 05/07/2015 00:11

I remember similar thread from few years ago here and the consensus was that if the girl was to stay the night she was to sleep in the same room as another female in the house.

nooka · 05/07/2015 00:14

I'd start by feeling proud of my son and his friends for looking out for her (I've a 16yr old son and we've talked about this sort of thing). On arrival I'd look to chat with the girl and figure out what has actually happened, get her to phone home and ideally be picked up by a parent.

BumpAndGrind · 05/07/2015 00:37

Did they get back safely OP?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 05/07/2015 00:41

Surely she could be taken home or put in a cab? It sounds contrived Imagine if her friends ring her parents to say they can't find her, has she got home OK.

CQ · 05/07/2015 00:55

They are all back. She seems lovely - a bit dippy but not totally off her face. They are all sensibly drinking lots of water and eating pizza.

She is having DS's room and other friends all dossing on the floor.

I would have put her in with my DD but she's already asleep so wouldn't be fair on her.

She was supposed to be staying with a friend so her parents are not expecting her home tonight anyway - after they got separated she couldn't get hold of friend, she wasn't picking up. Friend and her have now been in contact - I've seen the texts - and they have a plan to meet up in the morning so this girl can get her stuff from friend's house before they all go to work.

I will be staying up until they are all safely in their beds. Nobody looks bad enough to need a sick bowl so I think we've got off lightly.

DS knows that I would never turn away someone who needs a bed, so yes I am a bit proud of him for coming to her rescue. Have to make sure they all just go to sleep now.

OP posts:

ClaudiusMaximus · 05/07/2015 01:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 01:25

Do her parents know where she is?

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 01:27

Speaking as the mother of an almost 16 yo girl, I would be bloody livid if neither she nor the adult in charge of the group of boys that had befriended her whilst she was drunk had told me where she was staying overnight.

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 01:29

Especially if I was expecting her to stay at a female friends house and she did not. Don't enable their shenanigans by listening to the 'oh they aren't expecting me home anyway, I don't need to call them' routine. Trust me, as a gal's mother, she needs to call them.

chippednailvarnish · 05/07/2015 01:37

DS knows that I would never turn away someone who needs a bed or call their parents to make sure that they are telling the truth...

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 01:40

'Coming to her rescue'. Lol. There was obviously a really good reason why she couldn't call her own parents. Most likely reason is that they had told her not to drink, and only stay at x's house.

Smellyoulateralligator · 05/07/2015 01:51

So her parents don't know she's at your house?

GirlDownUnder · 05/07/2015 02:29

I am surprised at how blasé people are being about a group of 16 yo out drinking and getting off their faces. Is this normal now?

I'm more surprised that there are venues serving alcohol to minors. Are they not worried about their liquor licence? Or are are these minors also using fake ID?

Misslgl88 · 05/07/2015 15:05

Oh my I remember getting a little over enthusiastic with drink at 16 after exams finished. I was at the friends house I said I was going to be at and thought it would be fine by next morning, my mum picked me up and first thing she asked was if Id been drinking she could smell it on my breath! Never did that again after the grounding and removal of priviledges!

Sorry total derail but brought back memories!

TongueBiter · 05/07/2015 15:15

Listening to the tales my 16 yo DD regales me with after parties, I can confirm that some 16year olds drink to the point of not being able to stand up Lots of parties where the house is trashed, police called etc.

Or the boy who had been kicked out (?!) for a couple of days, parents away for the weekend, boy finds spare key and lets himself back in with half a dozen mates .....

TRexingInAsda · 05/07/2015 15:21

If it was my 16yo I'd be very grateful - what else would she have done, slept in a doorway? To the people saying they'd be livid, erm, I wish you a swift recovery from your recent lobotomy.

madwomanbackintheattic · 05/07/2015 15:29

What else would she have done? Called home, I expect, like any other sensible teenager? Except for those who are trying to hide something?
There was no reason for her not to...

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 15:30

She couldnt go home because her parents werent expecting her back? if you believe that you're a fool! What parents are going to turn away their daughter just because they werent expecting her home! More likely she wasnt supposed to be drinking and knew she'd get in trouble at home. You should have insisted she called her parents and spoken to them yourself. I have seen teens being declared missing under similar circumstances because no-one knew they'd gone off with someone else!

PotteringAlong · 05/07/2015 15:32

They're 16! Why on earth were you making pizza to soak up the alcohol at gone midnight?! Why were they not at home asleep and sober at midnight?

SurlyCue · 05/07/2015 15:32

And @ you being proud of DS for 'rescuing' her! You are a mug indeed.

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