How can I encourage very shy 16 yo ds to get summer job(20 Posts)
DS finished GCSEs 2 weeks ago, he did a school-organised beach activities course last week & is now on holiday until September.
We have discussed him getting a summer job several times - he has something big he is saving for - but now the time has come he just refuses to discuss it with me, saying he 'needs time to think about it.'
He thinks I am nagging him, and I am, I want him to learn some independence and not spend the next 2 months playing FIFA on X box.
I work, and have offered to help him get a job either a casual one or with one of my clients, but everything i suggest he says "I wouldn't enjoy that."
I'm at my wits' end. He gets a tiny amount of pocket money and I have told him now he is 16 he has to buy everything he wants apart from school essentials himself.
Well I think there is an argument for allowing them to have some down time after exams, especially if they are going on to do A levels next term. But 3 months of Xbox... no way!
Clearly the lack of pocket money doesn't overcome his shyness/laziness so I am wondering is it possible his shyness actually crosses the line into a full blown social anxiety problem that needs to be addressed (i.e. counselling)?
Is he low on confidence and does he go out and about with friends to socialise at all outside of prearranged activities?
What does he do around the house, are there any responsibilities he could take on there?
He is borderline ASD and so just has a couple of good friends. With whom he plays Xbox a lot. But I don't think he needs counselling. Lots of people are shy- I was at his age.
He has responsibilities around the house which he does, and I pay him to do extra chores, but he needs to get out of the house and earn some proper money.
I have similar problem with my 16yr old...quite shy and lacks confidence..and a couple of friends only..2months off Sch is a long time so I do look out for jobs for him...but really have to nag to get him to fill in application forms....hard isn't it...
I have the same problem with my DD, but she's not 16 until the end of the holidays so can't get a job. I'm trying to find ways to fill her time.
I came on here as I have the same problem with DS1, although he is 17 and has just done his AS exams. He needs to apply for university soon but has no confidence. No job, no real interests, just playing video games and socialising with friends.
Watching with interest.
What about volunteering ?
It may be too late for a summer job, people would have been applying months ago. But no harm in trying to apply or ask for half term or xmas holiday work.
As I have said before on other posts volunteering and or working is not just about the money it teaches you about; time keeping, meeting other people from all walks of life, opens up new opportunities, sharing, managing money, respect etc
Join some local clubs
It is great to have something extra put onto your CV
At 16 I worked part time & volunteered & it has been a great foundation for me
As an adult, the company I work for actively encourages each employee to volunteer & contribute to charity. To support our local and wider communities.
XBOX is inside, the real world & real people are outside !
I would stop giving him any money at all, if this does not encourage home to get a job nothing will.
Sorry, I forgot to say I worked part time, volunteered & attended college...
When you are young you have huge amounts of energy !
I'm surprised at these replies.
16 and just finished GCSEs. What about a bit of down time? And pocket money. Sheesh!
I remember being very shy at that age and being relentlessly bullied by my mother into going into every shop on the High Street to ask if they had vacancies - of course all thr jobs were snapped up by then.
I agree with the volunteering idea. Can he volunteer with the library 'summer reading challenge' or work in a charity shop? Both would seem to provide skills which would be useful for finding paid work later on.
Thanks for the various bits of advice. He worked in a charity shop last year as part of his Duke of Edinburgh's award, the only time he has really been outside his comfort zone. Although he really needs to earn some money, I would be happy seeing him getting some practical experience through more volunteering but he doesn't have the confidence or inclination to push himself forward for things like that.
And I can only nag him so much - I do at every opportunity. Today we were in Costa together and I asked the barista if they ever took on temporary staff and she said no, which he seems to think proves a point.
Do a car boot sale with him to sell off some old stuff? Does he have old games he could sell off at fares? Could look into that.
Unless you live in a holiday town I don't know where you think he's going to get a job for two months to be honest. Yes, shops etc have a few more hours going spare what with staff taking leave, but they're usually snapped up by the kids and students who work there throughout the year and are off school/uni. The vast majority of High Street stores and coffee shops have centralised recruitment; the days of handing your cv in and the manager calling you back are long gone unless it's an independent retailer.
Two months isn't that long either. If it's obvious he's only doing it to keep you happy and intends to leave once he starts his AS levels then I don't know where would want to waste their time and energy hiring and training him for the sake of a few weeks. Just accept it's too late this year. If your keen for him to get work experience getting him in somewhere at Christmas as temp staff will be far more realistic and you've got a few months to encourage him in that direction.
I'd work on getting him a low numbers of hours, a Saturday job or similar that he can continue with, rather than just working over the summer. Next tend to have large numbers of low contract hours jobs, rather than a few with more hours, which might work. Or newsagents.
My shy DD got a job last summer, when she was 16, in a local park close to our house as she really wanted a bit of money of her own. To her credit she really got stuck in and found she really enjoyed it and made loads of new friends of all ages. I watched her confidence blossom.
This year, at age 17, she is back in the same job for the summer and looks so comfortable and in control. I hardly recognise they shy girl from last year.
A summer job really can do wonders in bringing a shy teenager out of their shell - if it is the right job and they really want to do it!
Years ago I was a retail manager and we had an informal rule that if a parent came in to ask about part time jobs or to request application forms on behalf of their teen they would not be a successful applicant.
I suppose the reasoning was if they didn't have the confidence to come and get an application form themselves it didn't bode well for their suitability to do a job working with the public. On occasion a parent would be speaking on behalf of the teen when the teen was stood there in the background.
Cashewnutty that's exactly what I'm hoping will happen to dd, luckily she says she wants a job and most of her school friends have one but there's nothing we can do until she turns 16, just a week before they go back to school.
Durham - that makes total sense I'd feel the same way.
I wouldn't be too hard on your son. I don't know where some of you are based but were live, the part time/saturday job has all but disappeared. Those kinds of employers now only offer zero hours contracts so young people who are just available during the summer or at a weekend are of no interest.
I am well aware that he needs to do the job-hunting himself, and am not going to do it for him. When we were in Costa I asked a general question about whether they hired summer staff, to try and give my son a few hints, I certainly was not applying on his behalf.
Saturday job not an option unfortunately as he has school on a Saturday morning.
Fair enough if there are no temporary jobs available any more, but he won't find out if he doesn't ask.
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