Would you make a 15 year old see his dad?(8 Posts)
Situation is this:
Parents split when their son was about 7 (never married so no divorce).
Dad has seen son at least one evening a week and every other weekend since then. Also takes son on holiday every year.
Dad recently married. New wife and son get on fine - not close but no problems at all. Dad still sees son with same regularity, and ensures 'father and son' time is had regularly. Wife quite often ensures she is out, so they can get quality time together.
Son decides he doesn't want to stay over at his dad's any more (would have to share room with much younger step-brother, so fair enough). Also decides he doesn't really want to go to see his dad at his house
no gaming pc there, will only see him if dad goes to him (live in different towns half an hour apart), or if they go fishing.
Son has now said he can't be bothered to go fishing and has rejected all other suggestions of things to do, so won't be seeing his dad at all, and will be spending the weekend in his room on his computer as is currently the norm. Dad will probably go over for a bit and attempt to communicate with him, as he obviously wants to see his son.
At 15, would you make him go and spend time with his dad? Or would you let him make the decision? There are no issues between them by the way, nothing in particular that makes the son not want to see him. It's just that the son can't be bothered, he'd rather play computer games.
I don't know that there's much to be gained by making him. At 13 my DD decided she didn't want to see her DF (who admittedly was being a w**nker at the time) I didn't make her, and my solicitor said courts would let her make her own mind up, if it came to that. She decided eventually to maintain contact with him. Maybe the marriage has unsettled him a bit more than it appears?
Nope, fairly normal at this age.
Does he really spend any time with you?
If your comfortable with your ex being in your home suggest that he visits him there.
If not then let them organise their own relationship.
My parents split up when I was young and my dad also saw me regularly just the same as your situation. I can remember that as I got to that age i didn't want to go over anymore.
Looking back I think it was because the parent child relationship was wrong. Normal relationships at that age is doing odd stuff together the rest of the time the teen sees friends or does their own thing. It was odd spending entire weekends having quality time with a parent. I was at the age that I needed to separate and become independent and that situation didn't let it happen.
The compromise was my D took me out for a meal midweek every week. That worked fine and kept the relationship going. Perhaps if he stays over occasionally could he take his play station with him. It's so tough to get it right at that age.
OK, sounds like it is quite normal and fine then!
Thanks for your replies, they have been helpful.
Good point about the parent/child relationship being different now son is older. Also, the marriage may indeed have unsettled him more than he lets on, especially as not only is there another adult in his life, he now has a younger stepbrother. He's an only child, and isn't used to having other young ones around.
My friends son 14 is only willing to go visit his
sad loser father two nights a fortnight because the broadband speed is faster there and he can spend all night playing Minecraft.....
I think that it's probably important to try and figure out a way for your son to spend some time with his father to keep the relationship open, but it may be a very different arrangement than they have had in the past. It should be for the dad to figure that out, or at least to make sure that he is showing his son that he still cares very much about him.
My dsis and h divorced . He saw dds every weekend. Then they became teens and busy with own stuff . He began taking them for meal out once a week .They are now in late twenties and still do exact same day. They have own places now and he visits them there but they still continue meal once a week together . He pays still! All teens love food. Also could they follow a local team and go to matches together or dad get Netflix and he pop over to watch some box set. Dad needs to be creative as he would if at home. Could they go on father and son weekend away.
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