stressed out over a 17 year old

[starlight15]

Not sure where to turn, my 17 year old is a pain. She is rude, stays out all night. don't know where she goes. She believes she has had a rough time and her brother had everything. In fact she had it all, every school trip, hobbies, two horses, etc. Im paying for her driving lessons, but its not appreciated. She dropped out of college so has a dead end job, which she hates, She wont go back to college. She lies, drinks when she is out. Wont tell us where she is. when we return from work she is often out but god knows where. Frightened to tell her off in case she self harms which she has done in the past. She has over a barrel. I want to run away myself.

[shadypines]

Hi Starlight15, I am sorry to hear that you are going through all this, it sounds horrendous. CAn you see anything that might have taken her down this road eg any friends who have lead her astray or given a bad example? Does she have any reason to think her brother has been treated better?

The things that stand out a mile are the fact that she is so rude and uncaring of the hell she is putting you through. She needs to realise that the world is not revolving around her and she has a mother who is worried sick. I think the best way of you doing this is to stop all this paying for stuff right now until she starts behaving better. I mean who is going to buy her a car and insurnance? YOu? Then she'll be out even more places at night and maybe driving after she's been drinking. I'd be straight down the line with her and say she's is putting you through all this worry etc and the money is going to stop coming her way. Please get tough OP for both your sakes.

[Newtobecomingamum]

The first thing that jumped out at me was, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh... That she sounds very spoilt.

I had to work to pay half towards my driving lessons and parents would pay the other half. Two horses!! If she's so bad tell her how ungreatful she is and threaten to sell them!! Stop giving her money and paying for everything.

When I was 17 I was at college and working. I still had to pay my parents £25 a week rent (which I didn't know at the time they were putting aside for me as savings for when I was older). I learnt valuable life lessons through my patents not giving me everything (they could afford it) and I always respected them and appreciate the value of things and money today.

She can not rule you with the threat of self harming as you are right she will always have you over a barrel.

Obviously you know the ins and outs of your daughter self harming, but were the triggers in relation to discipline etc or non related?... If non related then it doesn't mean she will do it again. There are a number of support organisations out there which can help give you advice.

It's not helping her, helping you or your family to allow her to carry on acting this way.

Good luck and be strong