DD's friend seems to be a narcissist

[diane434]

Right DD has been friends with a girl for around 4 years. At first it was more acquaintance however they became closer (ssiiiggghhhhhhh). I try not to be judgemental but this girl is a nightmare whichever way its dressed up. She does the following -

• Snogs DD's boyfriends (but she does it for her to show they aren't trustworthy)
  
• Goes ballistic if DD makes friends with ANYONE else. To the point she messages whoever the new friend is telling them to not speak to DD if they ignore her request she poisons them by saying DD has said XYZ about them.
  
• She loves to make people feel uncomfortable-asks me about my sex life!!! Bends over in front of men and says "Were you looking at me".
  
• messages me when DD has had a bitch about me to let me know what's she's said (despite me telling her I really don't care then ignoring further comments).
  
• She lies about various serious illness's
  
• She lies about every aspect of her life. Pretends she is from a very "rough" family or is in foster care.
  
• If DD doesn't pick up her phone she calls me, DDs dad, all DD's friends to track her down. We don't pick up so she messages.
  
• She has regular fights so most girls are quite intimidated by her so give her the air time she constantly demands
  
• She has to ruin anyone else's occasion to make it all about her. Generally by fabricating a story of trauma so everyone has to spend their special day providing her with support.
  
  Her parents are lovely they have two other girls, one boy. They are at their wits end and at a bit of a loss as to why she behaves like this and get very emotional about it. They have tried private therapy etc but she puts on a charming front. She can be nice/charming at time but I just find her company un nerving now so don't allow her round. DD is so used to it she is quite unphased now and seems to have the role of her carer. Short of moving abroad how can we get her to back off?!

[Wishful80smontage]

Oh god your poor dd. how old are they op?

[SunnyBaudelaire]

she sounds as though she has been sexually abused from what you say. IMO.
Honestly I would everything I could to put a stop to this friendship.
Sorry, crap advice, I know.

[diane434]

Nearly 15 . She has definetly got worse with age!

[Chillyegg]

How did she get your personal number? Id block her phone/social media for a start.

[diane434]

I have tried DD is good at saying no to her so DD still does what she wants but I don't think its fair to expect people to put up with it. At first I felt sorry for her but enough is enough.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

why did you feel sorry for her?
Honestly if you know her parents then phone them and tell them to tell their daughter to stay the fuck away.
She sounds dangerous, honestly.

[diane434]

I think initially she was charming if a bit over confident but i had no reason to doubt her stories initially. Now I know its all crap and shes upped the anti. I speak to parents and have brought up how stressful it is. They cried and apologised said they were at their wits end. Ended up feeling bad for them but they have made a bit of a rod for their own back, she has no boundaries/ sanctions they are just praying its a phase that will end!

[Northernsoul58]

This girl is using manipulative behaviour which has no place in a friendship. Her problems are not your responsibility. Instead I would suggest you talk seriously to your DD about this and let her know she needs to see it for what it is - exploitative and manipulative and unhealthy. Then make a conscious choice to distance herself mentally and emotionally if not physically (I presume they are at school together or otherwise share a social group).
I agree with Sunny though I would express it like this. Treat this girl as an allergen to which you have an allergic reaction - like hayfever. Stay away and you won't sneeze!

[diane434]

Haha thank you. Believe me I have and it is working gradually.She has cut her out of anything out of school but can't avoid her in school. I'm clinging to the hope she'll be excluded soon she has had about ten last chances but she always seems to turn things around till they decide to try again.
DD is much more tolerant than me I think they are so used to it its expected which is good and bad. Good as DD doesnt get upset/anxious as she used to bad that they didnt get rid of her altogether. DD is so used to her its a bit like having a child i think. She started on the wrong people but rather than let her get a slap(God I feel evil) she waded into rescue her. In an awful way she needs a knock or two to get over herself.

[Northernsoul58]

diane, it sounds as though your DD has a kind and sensible head, enough to cope with this behaviour but not fall victim to it. All to the good.
My DS (15) had/has a similar person in his social circle. When he was younger I was really worried about him being exploited and patronised by this child. But now he's older DS just rolls his eyes when he relates the latest incident. He makes a joke of it which is cool. I still advise him to avoid said 'allergen' as much as possible, which to be fair he does. Still, sometimes I think it's best they come across these kinds of people at school when we can help, and not when they are older away from home and get dragged into some mad cult or other abusive relationship by a manipulative schemer.

[diane434]

DD is the same. I get more annoyed on her behalf. Some people are just so manipulative they become almost untouchable and its just not fair!