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Advice please about 17yr old ds

(5 Posts)
swimmer4 Thu 14-May-15 22:48:20

Tonight I came home to find DH really angry as DS had 'hidden' from him - he couldn't find him and thought he'd left the house. DH thinks it's because he'd hidden phone from DS as he was supposed to be revising.
I tried to defuse rift by talking to DS - he said he felt 'hyper' - which is his expression for when he feels anxious - and he then displays odd/immature behaviours. He had calmed down and said 'sorry' to DH before he went to bed. (DH refused to accept/acknowledge apology)
Our discussion once DS had gone to bed did not go to well. DH thinks DS is beyond help and thinks once he goes to Uni it will be their problem?!!! I'm still clinging on to the fact that there is still support we can provide and we could improve DS' communication to help ease his anxiety behaviours and avoid these kind of incidents. DH didn't want to hear my suggestion that he shouldn't need to hide the phone - I remove it in agreeance from DS and leave it in a visible place downstairs so when he has a brain break he can access it. We are still prompting DS and supporting him to get on with work for exams etc (thought we'd have stopped this by now but maturity and personality of DS has led to discussions and him agreeing he still wanted us to be there to prompt and support) - we had support for his anxiety from CAMHS when he was 14 but DS won't use all of the suggestions or even try to see if they will help.
Where do we go from here - I can't make changes unless ALL of us are willing to have a try and what on earth do I suggest?

ancientbuchanan Fri 15-May-15 22:51:05

Which year is Ds in ? Not that it matters, it's pretty stressful the whole time with exams and hormones.

Your DS sounds pretty normal to me, tbh. Or at any rate, mine seems quite like him!

We used to have a rule that we didn't let the sun go down on wrath, so we said if not exactly sorry that we all still loved each other, no matter what.

I'm afraid I expect to be supporting DS this time next year too! But I expect him to support me when I'm 70...

swimmer4 Fri 15-May-15 23:07:15

Thanks ancientbuchanan, I feel better after a nights sleep & for your helpful comments.
DS is in year12 & had a much better day - he tried hard with small talk as O was giving him lifts and was even civil to DH. DH is reading 'how to talk to a teenager so they will listen, and how to listen so they will talk' so hopefully things will improve ;-)

ancientbuchanan Fri 15-May-15 23:35:09

Off i could get DH to read that I would be so self congratulatory I would be unbearable!

ancientbuchanan Fri 15-May-15 23:35:58

I think it's a shit time...

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