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I am so disappointed in dd

(27 Posts)
Noeuf Sat 02-May-15 14:53:31

I know it could be 100 times worse. Prom.
So I found a lovely dress shop full of dresses for proms in a lovely village and told Dd we could go to try some on etc. Suggested Saturday.
Get back today and she's not dressed, doesn't fancy it, then decides she will and then doesn't get ready. Now it's a screaming match from the bathroom as she refuses to go again.
I know it's up to her but I really wanted to go and see her try stuff on and choose together rather than me just pay for everything as usual.
I can't believe how upset I am .works hard, money's hard, kids are hard. Just thought there'd be a nice bit to my weekend.

chocolatelife Sat 02-May-15 14:55:13

when is prom?
does she really want to go
very annoying I agree
where did you get back from?

perhaps start nagging her earlier in the day might work?

3littlefrogs Sat 02-May-15 14:57:12

Leave her to it and go out and have a coffee in peace.

When she has calmed down you can talk.

Is she worried that she hasn't got a boy/group of friends to go with?
Has something happened to make her anxious about the prom/
Is she worried about her weight/skin/period starting?

Anything could have happened to upset her and she just isn't communicating.

Noeuf Sat 02-May-15 14:59:21

June, she really wants to go.
Now she's appeared and is doing some weird gas lighting thing about me

Esko Sat 02-May-15 15:11:10

Prom is an incredibly stressful time for them. My elder daughter turned into a grunting zombie on our shopping trip. She wouldn't try anything on and in the end bought the first dress she tried. It was a nightmare.

I bought my younger daughter a dress that she really seemed to like, but she was in tears a few days later about it as she thought it made her breasts look too small!!!! I was flabbergasted. She had been shopping with her friends for their dresses and they seem to model themselves on the Kim Kardashian look. DD1 sat her down in front of 'miss represention' on Netflix and she seemed to have changed her view after that.

chocolatelife Sat 02-May-15 15:11:15

what is weird gas lighting?

chocolatelife Sat 02-May-15 15:12:04

it is a very stressful time, dd didnt even enjoy the day, the build up and the dress and shoes and everything was far more exciting.

strawberry01 Sat 02-May-15 15:13:38

Maybe she wants to go with her friends. I understand that you'd like to make a nice day of it choosing together but she might just not want to.

Noeuf Sat 02-May-15 15:16:15

No definitely not with her friends - I have no idea what's going on tbh. She is under pressure to look good I suppose - she is just beginning to do modelling - maybe she's worried about that? <straw clutching>

measles64 Sat 02-May-15 15:16:20

Sitting here shouting at teenage son who has 3 subjects to revise for mocks next week. Wondering if I should just take all technology off him and throw it in a sink full of hot water. So stressed.... Teenagers really are a pain in the butt. angry

Noeuf Sat 02-May-15 15:17:12

Btw thank you all - this board is very kind.
Gas lighting is reframing events to make the other person doubt what happened.

Noeuf Sat 02-May-15 15:22:26

Oh yes we have GCSEs too. And I recognise the buying stuff and then finding out they hate it. We have several shoes etc and Blazers that have never been worn

jeee Sat 02-May-15 15:25:26

I tend to think that my children should disappoint me on occasion. After all, it's not their job to provide me with permanent boasting rights.

And if your dd has managed to disappoint you purely because she's not overly keen on prom dress shopping, I'd say she's probably practically perfect.

TeenAndTween Sat 02-May-15 20:05:50

She might be getting stressed about GCSEs; now that May has arrived they are really close. DD says the teachers at school keep going on and on about how important they are and they need to work really hard etc etc. I'm spending a lot of effort to lower stress levels as when they get too high she can't work so it's all a bit counter-productive.

(We got DDs dress pre-owned from ebay at Christmas.)

Noeuf Sat 02-May-15 20:33:51

Yes it might be the gcses, just disappointed that something nice went sour

Travelledtheworld Sat 02-May-15 23:48:15

I am in the same situation. DD spent weeks researching prom dresses on the Internet. I refuse to buy online. Tell her she has to try things on. So we go to lovely shop in nearest city, try on loads, find three she likes ( all,far too expensive IMO) but she doesn't want to buy one of those.

Since then she has shown no interest in the prom at all and will not discuss it.

My theory is that the whole dress/ shoes/ hair thing is too much now and she is just in denial about the whole event. [SIGH]. GCSE's in 10 days too.

Leeds2 Sat 02-May-15 23:51:14

Would there be time to go after the GCSEs have finished? Or is it on the day of the final exam?

Gibble1 Sat 02-May-15 23:57:00

My DD does stuff like this. Only year 8 but today's gaslight ing is that whenever we go out, nobody includes her in conversation (she was walking along a canal towpath reading a book on her phone!) but she then changed that to we all bully her when we are together (she wears skinny jeans which won't stay up as they are too small but she says they're too big) sigh.

cathyandclaire Mon 04-May-15 11:52:16

I know sometimes (and my DDs are the same) i just don't feel good enough for trying on dresses and looking in the mirror and assessing myself. I may be bloated, spotty or just feeling crap about myself. DD1 barely comes out of pyjamas or a men's Matalan tracksuit at exam time, she's clean but that's as far as grooming goes. Maybe your DD was feeling bleuuurgh but being a teenager had a strop instead of asking if you could go another day.

CamelHump Mon 04-May-15 11:56:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaMyBags Mon 04-May-15 11:57:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleham Mon 04-May-15 12:07:03

I've got two daughters going to prom this year (year 11 and year 13). I gave them a budget & drove to the largest shopping centre. Then I parked myself in a lovely coffee shop / went shopping by myself and asked them to text me when they had found their favourite top three choices.

At that point we met up and they tried the dresses on to show me. The top choices were both beautiful so I bought them. Happy all round and much less stressful! smile

chocolatelife Mon 04-May-15 12:46:06

good idea littleham

which shops did you buy from?

RobynClare23 Sat 09-May-15 13:36:28

There is book called Girls uninterrupted, it is a great insight into this crazy prom machine we and our daughters have been caught up.

Noeuf Sat 09-May-15 14:06:45

Gosh thank you this just popped up again. If there were two (shock) I would love to do the shopping centre idea. And yes, it may have been period/fat/spotty day that affected it all. It just feels very tense and silly and there are lots of rules I don't understand like x is wearing navy so she can't. But they are all wearing simple so she can't do frills. And my taste is so far removed from hers it's hard.

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