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Help! I just don't know what to do next :(

(9 Posts)
Cygnet44 Tue 28-Apr-15 16:24:44

I'm hoping someone on here has had a similar situation and can offer help/advice. I received a phone call at 1am this morning from the local police station to say my 18yo DS had been arrested and would be held overnight. He wouldn't allow the officer to disclose the reason, needless to say I was worried sick all night. I phoned the custody suite this morning and they let me speak with my son. He told me he was caught in possession of cannabis and also a bladed weapon, which was in the car he was travelling in. His two friends were also arrested. He said he's been a complete idiot and I believe/hope this is the short, sharp shock that needs to turn his life around. I knew he has been smoking cannabis,, something I'm not happy about but cannot stop. He has also stolen money from me and told lies about money I have given him in good faith to buy clothes, food etc. Generally he is a good lad, never been in trouble before to my knowledge. He didn't do well at school, rebelled against the system and we had some awful problems at home with my STB exH for a number of years. My DS has in the past been diagnosed with depression. The problems at home have stopped now because I called time on my marriage last year and its just me and my DS at home and things have settled down or so I thought until all this recent behaviour. My DS recently got some work and was really enjoying it, but it's on a self employed contract so he has to wait for the work to be available so it's not regular. I'm so sick with worry and beside myself. I've never had to deal with this and don't know what to do for the best. At this moment I'm still waiting to hear what's going to happen to him, he's still in custody. When I get him home I'll probably want to scream at him and lose it but this probably won't help or get us anywhere. I can easily get him help for his cannabis use if he wants it (I work for an addiction charity) and I will stop giving him money for things he doesn't then buy. Other than that I do not know what else I can do. I feel so sad right now, he's my only child and I try my best to help and support him. I feel let down and that he's let himself down.

pushingupdaisies Tue 28-Apr-15 20:49:15

i don't know what advice to offer as my DSs are younger, but wanted to hand hold until someone wiser and with more experience comes along to help. You sound like a lovely mum and I guess supporting him and giving him your love and wisdom is all you can do at the moment.

Cygnet44 Wed 29-Apr-15 07:26:08

Thank you pushingupdaisies, yesterday was tough. Today I'm feeling numb. My DS has been bailed and has to appear in court next month. He's upset with himself and I'm upset for him. I really didn't want this for my DS sad

Ledkr Wed 29-Apr-15 07:46:02

Unfortunately you can do no more than you are.
He needs to want to stop smoking or no amount of help for that will be effective.
I guess with the blade you need more detail before you talk about it, I wonder if the police will refer him anywhere for education about knife crime, it varies. In different areas.
Just keep the communication going so he knows he has your support whilst at the same time obviously voicing your disapproval as to his behaviour.
Most of them come out of this eventually.

Floundering Wed 29-Apr-15 07:52:41

A night in the cells might be the shock he needs to get his act together, its not a pleasant experience. All you can do is as pp have said, is be there for him & reiterate you love him even if you don't like what he had done.

Sounds like you've both been through a tough time, hope things start to improve for you both x

mummytime Wed 29-Apr-15 08:07:47

Do talk to him, and see if he has even considered he could be addicted to Cannabis. The skunk that is smoked now is far more addictive than the Cannabis smoked when I was young (I was listening to a radio program about it, its all to do with one chemical hardly being in it anymore and another being much stronger).

AgentProvocateur Wed 29-Apr-15 08:11:32

This happened to an ex of mine, many many MANY years ago, when we were both 18. It was the motivation he needed to sort himself out, and I hope it's the same for your son. It sounds like you've both come through a tough time. Hope things improve for you both.
Also, be aware that if he wants to work anywhere where he needs a CRBS (or whatever it's called in England) the possession of a knife will probably scupper his chances for many years.

Cygnet44 Wed 29-Apr-15 16:00:07

Thank you everyone, I will support him in any way he needs me to. He hated being in a police cell overnight and the best part of yesterday and is very remorseful. He just wants to put this all behind him but realises that he has consequences to face first. I hope this has really taught him a lesson, a tough one but one that will kick him into getting back on track with his life. It is hurtful and disappointing as a parent though

Floundering Fri 01-May-15 23:40:55

Hope the rest of the week was better for you both OP, have you had time to have a good chat?

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