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How can I just get over it already

(25 Posts)
RainBearr Mon 27-Apr-15 23:18:49

Firstly, I'd like to apologise. I am not a parent, I'm merely a 16 year old. I have posted before and (admittedly) I lurk sometimes. I know I probably shouldn't be here but I guess I need advice.
I am confused about how I feel.
Backstory:
I have suffered badly with anxiety and depression. I self harmed for 3 years (over a year clean now). I had no support and did it all entirely by myself.
I have a close group of friends. There's 4 of us. We've been friends since year 7 and although we're not alike in anyway, I adore them. However, 2 of my friends like to stay at home. They get a lot of pleasure from TV programmes and staying in. My other friend and I like going out. Therefore, 'other' friend spends the most time with me. I feel like I am constantly 3rd wheeling (She's done nothing at all with boys but she gets a lot of attention.

Anyway, I eventually saw someone I like. It was stupid and he worked in a shop near by. He always smiled at me. I found out his name and added him on snapchat. We got talking, he asked for my number etc. I really like him, really. I don't fall easily and I liked him so much. I could write you paragraphs about things he did and the way he annoyed me and everything but I was besotted. He probably wasn't the best match for me; 21 years old and a father to a 3 year old. But he took me out on drives (also stupid thing to do meeting him for thefirst time at 10 pm and getting in his car). and he was so respectful. I was warned that he was a player but there was something I can't put my finger on. He was different. Sorry for rambling, to cut a long story short he had a girlfriend and ended the relationship (been with her 3 weeks). Said he couldn't wait for us to be an item etc anD then suddenly he stated ignoring me. He messaged me one day to remind me "he was still here" and the last thing he said was "I still want to see you". I see him when he's at work all the time.Yet he's never messaged me. Never replied to my texts etc. Some days I cried over him for 8 hours (evening until morning). I didn't even know it was posable. It's been almost 5 months and he ignores me. Everything is so much better but I still miss him and feel I wouldn't have went to uni (not to drip feed but I have ambitions to be a vet) to be with him.
It's ridiculous at 16 to feel this way and it so getting better but how can I completely stop missing him?
I still get ribbed for it at school and his name is my nickname from the boys. We did nothing at all btw so no idea why I have this attachment when I've atleast kissed other boys (He didn't want to rush me and I thought I had forever). I'm not madly upset over it.I just keep thinking what if but I'm jor sad. Am I pathetic? I sound pathetic. I hope I haven't been a nuisance. Sorry for the mistakes and it being very long

RainBearr Mon 27-Apr-15 23:20:14

The back story was meant to mean that I felt like someone finally liked me and I was serious about them. Also that I know I'm not depressed because I've been there before..sorry for not being clear

DragonsCanHop Mon 27-Apr-15 23:28:08

Firstly, please don't apologise for being here, all are welcome.

Are you making a ppint in going into where he works? For your own sake, if you are, stop doing this.

Nicknames at school and boys knowing your business makes me thing he is bragging tk younger friends/older friends that have siblings in your year.

For your own well being, stop messaging him and stop going to where he works, this wil make you feel better.

Life can at times be shit!

RainBearr Mon 27-Apr-15 23:32:18

I haven't messaged him for months but he smiles at me in person and sometimes speaks to me. Its a chain shop where I have to go with my parents (they are unaware that we even know each other) to get food otherwise there'll be nothing for me to eat. (major eating issues with textures of foods and vegetarian)

DragonsCanHop Mon 27-Apr-15 23:43:26

It is your first crush. He isn't really for you and I promise someone more suitable will come along but from what you have writen he isn't interested.

Take time to make you well and feel better, learn to love yourself and it will all full in place.

Be kind to yourself and your family and everything else will happen.

I feel cheesy but have a DD your age and like to think you feel better for posting

usualsuspect333 Mon 27-Apr-15 23:50:50

Hang out with your mates and forget him.

RainBearr Mon 27-Apr-15 23:50:59

It's the fact that I was warned about him during the months I was meeting up with him and was always the one to message me first. I'm not just saying this, it was him definitely. He always asked to meet up etc. HE said he wanted us to be more. Then he just dropped me and my friends all kinda said "I told you so". I've liked people before but not like this.
I just don't understand how I could kiss the same boy so many times (different boy) and us both feel nothing for each other and then feel everything for someone I haven't kissed. He did ask to do things but I said no.
He was probably way too old anyway. I guess I'm just glad that he dropped me at the start of the year and not now (exams).
But he made me meet his parents etc? I just feel like it was all my fault and I messed up

noblegiraffe Tue 28-Apr-15 00:01:18

He's a 21 year old with a 3 year old son. Hopefully he realised that it would be completely inappropriate to start a relationship with a 16 year old school girl and has backed off (or maybe someone told him to?).

Anyway, you have a crush on him. It's a teenage thing, like girls who go mad for Harry Styles and have posters on their bedroom walls and hang around outside hotel rooms hoping to catch a glimpse. You will get over it, and you may well with time find it totally embarrassing to remember how much head space you gave him.

Springtimemama Tue 28-Apr-15 00:05:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

textfan Tue 28-Apr-15 00:20:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainBearr Tue 28-Apr-15 07:25:33

Thank you everyone, the replies are appreciated.
I don't think my mother would be much help. We've never really talked about anything like this.
As time's gone on I've found myself wondering more and more about what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough and thinking less about him as a person if that makes sense.
My sister was two years above him at school and she told me to stay away when I said I was friends with him and since we stopped talking I found out he was sleeping with 3/4 other girls who all thought he was committed to them (Goodness knows how he managed it). And girls have actually contacted me to tell me that this is what he does, he messes people about. But I still can't seem to understand what I did.
And now I've realised that I don't have the confidence to get close to anyone again. A couple of months ago two other boys both tried to 'talk' to me and I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to get close again, I still don't.
Also, as for the MH, I don't feel like I need help anymore. I was assessed etc Jan 2014 and they signed me up for help BUT I never got the referral letter. I'm actually the happiness I've been for years and this is what's confusing me. Missing him no longer makes me sad? It's used to for the first month or so. But it doenst make me sad now. The only thing that makes me sad/ frustrated is that I don't know what I did wrong. I'm now at the point that if he contacted me I wouldn't agree to see him because I don't want to ever feel like that again But I'm still not 100% and I need to focus on my exams

Springtimemama Tue 28-Apr-15 07:47:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springtimemama Tue 28-Apr-15 07:48:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainBearr Tue 28-Apr-15 07:55:43

Spring, I know he's not worth it now but he felt like it. It actually makes me quite angry because him leaving me led me to fall back into disordered eating and ny grades to slip. I am predicted A*s and I answered a history source paper without putting any sources in?? I could have 100% sworn I had. I annotated them and everything but I must have been stressed anD not put them in. My teacher said it would have been an A but she couldn't give me anything without the sources. I got a D. I've never failed before. Luckily, it was a mock and I can hopefully do well in the real ones. I feel like if I wasn't so caught up in him I'd have done better.

Springtimemama Tue 28-Apr-15 08:07:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainBearr Tue 28-Apr-15 08:15:45

Thank you. The school counsellor hates me and my mother just says "Shush shush shut up" all the time. You can tell I'm not PFB and I was almost definitely unwanted/ not planned. She's way older than 40, she's 58 and doesn't seem to want to talk to me. She just wants me not to let her down (My oldest sister got Ds but she'll be disappointed if I don't get all A*s. Admittedly, I will too, but I know that's because of my high aspirations. She just wants me to not let her down when the other person being let down by bad grades would be me.

twentyten Tue 28-Apr-15 21:32:54

Oh rain bear. So sorry you don't have the support you deserve. You did nothing wrong. Just be kind to yourself and go for it with your exams. Start of a new life. Good luckthanks

RainBearr Tue 28-Apr-15 23:09:11

Thank you so much. There's just been a huge argument tonight because my knee became swollen (it does it a lot but the Dr's have no advice) due to stress and apparently I was being lazy. It was almost double the original size! Also my Spanish teacher is begging me to do a 5th A level. He's new, he doenst even know me and I doubt I'll manage with 4. He kept me behind to ask me to do it- So that's extra stress and I was 16 marks off an A* in maths so I'm not even improving (125 marks needed for an A and 157 for an A*). I just feel like I'm getting no where. If I hadn't been chasing boys maybe I could achieve something for once. I've worked so hard since primary to be a vet and I've fallen at the final hurdle.

twentyten Wed 29-Apr-15 10:52:47

Hey rainbear. Are you yr 12 or yr 13? It ain't all over!! Stay calm and take one thing at a time. Who supports you in rl? Is there a teacher you trust? One of my dad's teachers was wonderful when she was having a hard time. You can do this. brewbrew

RainBearr Thu 30-Apr-15 16:56:04

I'm in year 11 still. I think my teachers are preoccupied with getting everyone through exams

twentyten Thu 30-Apr-15 17:23:33

Oh rainbear. You have plenty of time- don't get hung up on a levels yet. Just focus on the next few weeks and plan some nice things for after the exams. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself- find something that relaxes you- walking/ music- anything. Good luck

Springtimemama Thu 30-Apr-15 21:03:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainBearr Fri 01-May-15 18:04:34

Thank you everyone smile
I got presented my DofE certificate today and for once my parents seemed proud and I also stayed back after school revising for 2 hours. I'm going to have a break tonight but I'm not going to where he works (I usually go to buy chewing gum etc)

Springtimemama Fri 01-May-15 18:43:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainBearr Mon 04-May-15 10:09:44

Thank you, I actually saw this 21 year old the other day because my mother made me go to ASDA to buy a newspaper because I was in it. But I wasn't as upset as I expected to be when I saw him, I just walked past him whereas he usually speaks to me.
Now I'm watching My Little Pony because my parents have gone out grin (I'm a bit weird) and they'll be back in about half an hour so I'll have to revise.
I'm glad I wasn't as upset over him as I expected to be.

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