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Shocked...! Teenage pregnancy...'This IS happening'! I really need support....

(18 Posts)
smileyforest Mon 26-Jan-15 05:39:44

Hello everyone...One of those senarios where you hear of other families having to cope with this...now in reality its happening to me...
I've shed my tears...I've looked at my son and thought 'He is only a child himself'..
Someone tell me it will be OK..what else can life throw at me??
They had put off telling me (my 30y old has had first baby 4months ago)
Due in June...already know ..its a girl...
On the positive side I had already noticed a difference in my son...working hard for A levels...so is gf...not amongst a crowd anymore..not doing weed...They intend to continue with education...they have enquired about this...They are both bright young people...(ive had problems in the past with gf)
I will do what I can to support...I will love my gd the same as gs..
Oh my though....how young they are....not much sleep last night...xxxx

Thumbwitch Mon 26-Jan-15 05:44:13

How old are they? 17, 18?

Wonkyparsnip Mon 26-Jan-15 06:25:34

Smileyforest you must be so worried. But you are obviously a supportive parent and by the sounds of it they understand how big this responsibility will be. Perhaps you can arrange to sit down with them (without telling them off for not telling you etc) to talk them through their plans and how you can help. Work out their financial plan and offer any help you can. Good luck.

smileyforest Mon 26-Jan-15 06:45:38

DS is 18.5.GF is nearly 18y.
Yes I'm meeting up with both soon and no, wont be angry or anything like that....it's pointless...Just want to hear what the plans are..xx

Noteventhebestdrummer Mon 26-Jan-15 07:03:23

It will be ok! And although it's a shock it sounds like the new parents have reacted really well? It's good energywise to be a young mum, dad or granny isn't it?

Singleandproud Mon 26-Jan-15 07:14:54

I think the most supportive things you can do is to help them fill in forms and start helping them stockpiling the things that they will need. It doesn't need to be expensive, look on eBay and free cycle, help them look in to reusable nappies and wipes that will be cheaper in the long run.
Ignore the stigma and try and get them on the council housing list, private rent will cripple them.

They will be able to continue their education, some Universities offer family apartments.

Be prepared that they might split up, it is very likely in that age group as it is so stressful and if this happens help them with access.

Travelledtheworld Mon 26-Jan-15 13:09:14

Smileyforest my heart aches for you, you have often given good advice in this forum.

And thanks for the reminder that our Sons need wise contraceptive advice just as much as our daughters do.

Hugs
brew

ChillySundays Mon 26-Jan-15 13:24:20

Once our children get to a certain age it could be anyone of us in this situation.

All you can do is support them emotionally and if possible some financial support.

As has been said in other similar threads - it says a lot about you that they have told you now rather than leave it

PeaStalks Mon 26-Jan-15 14:00:32

smileyforest Oh I do feel for you. It's like the end of what might have been.
Yes it can be done and they will cope, but at the cost of education, career and youth.

As others have said it could happen to any of our sons. In a short term relationship they may use condoms regardless of what the girl says (that has always been my advice) but in some ways it can be harder for boys in a long term relationship. Do they continue with condoms when GF is on the pill just in case she forgets or is ill?

Best of luck flowers

glammanana Mon 26-Jan-15 14:12:39

How I feel for you my DD was 19 when she told us and she had a brilliant future ahead of her which at the time I thought was lost to the trials of being a young mum,I was so mistaken and she the father managed very well and continued their education they are not to-gether now but even with planned pregnancies things don't work out do they ? Your boy sounds very grounded as to the future and well done you for bringing him up that way he sounds a credit to you.I found it easier to keep my feeling to myself and my mouth shut (a first for me) but to be available for any problems that arose.

smileyforest Mon 26-Jan-15 14:16:12

Thank you for support, Yes it goes through my mind already that they may split under the pressure..they are both 'hippy' type..and quite alternative...But I have a gd who will be born and she will part of us and our lives forever...
Naively , never think this won't happen....She was on the pill...Both will have to grow up quickly...
Worse part was telling my parents....xx

EbonyIck Mon 26-Jan-15 14:21:00

OP I did my A levels pregnant. Worked hard. Deferred entry to uni, went to a top uni and got a first. Hard work but my baby was motivation like no other.

Together we have travelled, I am now happily married, thanks to good relationship with DC's father (we split but he had regular contact), I still had nights out with mates in early 20s.

Now that baby is a teenager, doing well at school, happy.

It will be okay. Sounds like your DS and his girlfriend have good heads on their shoulders. Of course it's a shock and my parents were horrified at first (and a lot less reasonable than you), now DC is apple of their eye and they have a really close relationship.

Lots of brew and thanks

Heyho111 Tue 27-Jan-15 00:02:52

This might sound shocking but one of my teens becoming a parent isn't in the top ten or twenty of things that would be awful to happen to them. Don't get me wrong I don't encourage it and I know life would be a little harder. But what I'm trying to say is , it will be ok. I a years time you won't be able to imagine life without your GC. He will be able to continue his education. Just the uni choices will be smaller and local. This does not stop his future it just takes it on a slightly different path.

smileyforest Tue 27-Jan-15 06:27:08

Wonderful people..I so appreciate all your wise kind words.xxxxx

JL456 Thu 29-Jan-15 22:18:24

Help. May be over worrying this.... DS almost 16. Had issues lately with poor behaviour at school, mood swings, usual grumpy tantrums that is part of teen life. He has exams looming that he us ill prepared for and me nagging him isn't working/helping. A while ago we had some issues with smoking...finding tobacco hidden in his room. We were very upset as we are very anti, but acknowledge teens and the world they are in. Things got better but sad to have found Secret stash tonight in his room. Do I turn a blind eye for now to save the drama and knock on effect on GCSEs or act....???? Tempted to bin it all, but then he will know u "snooped" and trust is out the window at a delicate time. What would you do?

Haffdonga Thu 29-Jan-15 22:28:11

JL456 You'd get more answers if you start your own thread. (This is someone else's and they need their own support)

Above add a message is start a new thread in this topic

JL456 Thu 29-Jan-15 22:57:15

Genuine mistake, listed here in error

mygrandchildrenrock Mon 02-Feb-15 19:49:31

smileyforest Many years ago I had a baby when I was 16, he was the best thing to happen to me. I did go to Uni but not until 8 years later, by which time I had 2 more babies!
If your son continues to have your support, that will be great. Life can take a different path but it doesn't have to be a sad/bad path.

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