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need help

(5 Posts)
ktb077 Tue 20-Jan-15 18:44:44

My teenage son has just turned 16 and has a girlfriend of 2 months, his been slowly ignoring doing his jobs around the house (bringing his washing down, walking the dogs, clearing the dishwasher and tidying his room) yes he would moan before but now his blatantly refuses to do them, it all came to ahead and he packed his bags and run away from home only to go to his girlfriends house which they took him in and said he could stay the night to calm down!!!!!! I went to get him the next morning from his girlfriends house and he said that he is not coming back as he has a right to leave home now that he is 16 and that he had looked it up and there was nothing i could do about it!! this really upset me and he did not seam to care, he seemed to have the confidence to be like that to me in front of his girlfriends family, it took the girlfriends father to persuade him to come home and talk it through, which he did.
we had a talk said our piece and he said his, we've asked him to interact more with the family instead of locking himself away in his room playing games and texting his girlfriend all night
my son just seems to be bold over about this girl and is taking in all that she says and wont listen to reason, i seem to be walking on egg shells as to not rock the boat but my son is just trying to cause an argument to have an excuse to leave again.
i don't know what to do he is still at school and has another year 1/2 to go until he finishes his exams.
i just want to know what rights do i have as a mother how do i get him to stay at home until his finished school?

Heyho111 Tue 20-Jan-15 22:16:38

Read - get out my life but first take me and Alex to town. It will help you enmormously.
He is being a normal rebellious teen. Don't worry about him not doing chores , him sitting in his room all night and no interaction with the family. They all do this to some degree some worse than others.
If he's working at school and no real problems otherwise leave him be. Sanctions and rows will just make it worse.

chocoluvva Wed 21-Jan-15 11:40:37

I completely agree with Heyho.

FWIW his gf's parents sound as though they acted very sensibly in this situation. They helped him when he was upset and did the right thing by encouraging him to talk to you.

Try not to worry about your DS' relationship with this girl. The relationship probably won't be long-lasting, unlike your relationship with your him.... You will have to practice smiling and nodding when he tells you things she has said that have impressed him. He won't appreciate you questioning his choice of gf or criticising his beloved gf. Your role now, hard though it is, is to be there for him when it comes to an end.

Does your DS eat at a table with the family? If he does that then you're not doing too badly. Try to make it a pleasant time. Otherwise I'd leave him be except for inviting him to watch a film with you if you think he'd enjoy it or to join you in an occasional trip for pizza, walk in the country etc. But he has the right not to want to. Don't push it at the moment - he will return to wanting to spend more time with the family in a year or two.

It's hard at that stage - difficult to accept they're no longer children. IME 14-16 is the most difficult stage. Take heart - you're nearly there.

ktb077 Wed 21-Jan-15 13:40:15

Hi chocoluvva, thanks for that but my son tried to leave home again today by getting ready for school and packed a few things in his bag and going to see his gf after school!! I've just had a call from school now as his talked to a teacher about leaving home.
What are my rights as a parent trying to guide him through school and exams then he can leave if he still wants to.

chocoluvva Wed 21-Jan-15 14:10:40

You have no legal right to make him live with you now that he's 16. Not in Britain anyway.

You have a right to know how he's doing at school and speak to his teachers.

Try not to panic. (easy to say, I know) - even if he did hope to live with his gf it doesn't sound like his gf's parents would be happy to have him live with them.

Why does he want to leave?

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