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My 15yo dd is struggling and therefore, so am I.

(5 Posts)
weegiemum Mon 19-Jan-15 12:13:07

My dd1 is 15 in 2 weeks.

There are several things our family struggles with, and other things that affect only her.

I'm disabled, 3 years ago I developed a neurological disability that affects my energy, sensation, balance, power in my limbs. I get a regular treatment that helps this but I can only work 3xmornings a week and find housework hard (we have a cleaner 2 hours x 2 a week) and though I can cook most nights, I occasionally need help. Dh works away approx 2 nights a week.

I also have long term mh problems but I'm getting help there too.

We have dd1, ds who is 13 in 2 weeks and dd2 who is 11.

Dd1 is really struggling. She's fallen out with almost all her friends at school. She has a (really lovely, we like him) boyfriend but her entire social life seems to revolve around him. We found out 4 months ago that she's been self harming and she is currently being seen by a CAMHS psychologist.

Over the last week she's had 2 monumental meltdowns after her rude and argumentative attitude (usually on waking, before breakfast - she's blown up when hungry since about age 3) has ended up in a full-scale panic-attack type meltdown. Our "nuclear option" is loss of mobile phone. This makes her hyperventilate, shriek and yesterday (after she had sworn at and insulted everyone in the car) had her trying to open the door without her seatbelt on while we were moving.

Dh has put child locks back on all doors!

CAMHS I think are doing good but we're not being invited to add our opinion to the sessions - the psych tells us what they've talked about but they don't seem interested in our opinion. They don't hear about the meltdowns or the dangerous behaviour because they don't ask, and when we volunteered (before Christmas) we were "shut down". But her trying to get out of a moving vehicle is frightening! All that had happened was that we'd said if she wouldn't stop swearing at the family she would be banned from seeing her boyfriend for 2 hours in the afternoon.

Every full scale meltdown is about the boyfriend.

I feel like I'm letting her down. I've tried my best, I only talk to her in a calm way, I listen for hours to her problems, but none of it seems good enough.

Are dh and I allowed to make an appointment ourselves with her CAMHS psychologist? I'm not sure, from what the psych says, that dd1 is being honest with her, and therefore she's not getting the help she needs?

I thought toddlers were hard, but this is a whole new ball game!

Madamecastafiore Mon 19-Jan-15 12:27:22

Can you request family therapy?

weegiemum Mon 19-Jan-15 12:30:44

We've asked, still waiting for reply (they sounded not that keen!).

I reckon we're awkward - dd1 and her issues, me and mine! (I have a psychiatrist) and the fact that dh is a GP with a special interest in psychiatry. We really don't tick the boxes.

I'd go to any session at all if it would help her!

constantlyconfused Mon 19-Jan-15 22:10:09

I call my DDs CAMHS worker can you not call about your biggest concerns?Then at least they will be aware

weegiemum Tue 20-Jan-15 20:16:35

CAMHS psychologist is very clear she's DD psychologist! not ours! My own psychiatrist has offered to intervene.

I spoke to a friend who works in CAMHS in a different area - she's suggested writing a note to express our concerns, especially about dd1s risky behaviour in refusing a seatbelt and trying to leave a moving vehicle. Her next appt is Thursday, and dh has agreed to go into work late and hand in our letter tomorrow.

I now have to write it. For the lovely girl currently watching Studio Ghibli anime!

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