DS (16) caught with cannabis by police...can anyone advise please?(11 Posts)
Had a text from DS1 last night while I was out with friends to say that he and some friends had been pulled over by the police and DS had been found in possession of cannabis. He tells me it was the first time he'd tried it (yeah right), and that I have to take him to the police station tonight at 8 "for a lecture".
I'm so disappointed - he is generally a really lovely-natured boy, very cuddly and happy to sit and chat with me and DH, but in recent months he has just constantly got into trouble - he's not doing any work at school and I get daily phone calls, emails etc from teachers. He got fired from his after school job for a bad attitude. He started smoking. He's broken up with his girlfriend who he spent a lot of time with and is now going round with newish friends, one of whom has a car so he's never in. He's stopped going round with his old friends and says they're immature, but I don't think the new friends are good for him - he obviously can't see this!
He's asleep at the moment, I told him I didn't want to talk to him last night as I wanted time to think, but I honestly have no idea what to say to him - I will be grounding him but don't know how long for. I really don't know what punishment to give. Anyone got any experience of this? What can I expect at the police station? I'm worried that he's got it muddled and they're going to charge him with possession.
how about rewriting this post as a chronology and using it in the conversation with him see if he likes the change in himself when he sees it in black and white...
He probably will just get a warning. Make sure to ask if it's no his record and whether he has to declare it on job apps and whether it will show in a crb check-you never know what he might want to do in the next give years. Can you get him interested in something like rock climbing or venture scouts or duke of Edinburgh? Anything where he's doing something productive and feeling better about himself and has better role models. Point out yo him if you get a drugs charge at any age, you can't get a visa to America-ever!!
In all honesty i don't think grounding a 16 yr old is really going to do any good. I would do your research on cannabis and show him the dangers and long term physiological effects etc but you can't actually stop him just arm him with all the knowledge and try guide his decision. I honestly don't think going off on one with him will help or have the outcome you want
My bil got caught at a similar age. "won't do it again, blah blah blah..." He just got a conviction and a fine for second offence. He has to declare it for a fixed number of years on jo applications etc.
How about biding your time eg 'let's see what happens tonight'
he will have the day to stew about it, rather than get defensive with you. After this evening, you may find the police have done part of the job for you, by stating what the consequences could be.
I like Mrs Wooster's idea above too.
Can't help on how you can stop him in the future, but I would strongly suggest finding out as much as possible about what is likely to happen at the police station, possible penalties etc before going down there.
My teenage rebellion ran to marches and protests, not drugs, so I know nothing about drug laws, but in my experience it really, really pays to be prepared and well informed if you are likely to have any interaction with the police. (Obviously, activism is a bit different as you expect to get nicked! But still . . . as my DM said to me back then, if you are going to do something stupid, do make sure you are sensible about it. Which would go equally well for drugs)
Thanks all for the helpful advice. He is down there now with DH, looking at the documentation he was given last night it looks like they're just giving him an official warning. I have told DH to ask if this will be recorded permanently anywhere.
We talked earlier, lots of tears and he said that he was scared of failing at school so his solution has been to ignore it, and the cannabis helped him to stop worrying about it. Not sure HOW much I believe that explanation, but I've told him that he doesn't need to worry now because I am going to be on his case pretty much 24/7 between now and July!
Thanks again everyone.
That does sound a reasonable worry-call school snd get them on board, too, if you haven't already.
Show him the affects but be warned my mother did this as did a MH professional he is still adamant that weed should be on prescription and it solves cancer
Is he getting ratty and arsey some days? as my brother gets like this when he hasn't had any. He is addicted to it and he's constantly angry and paranoid when he doesn't get any it's horrible to be around.
I'd second the PP who said write down how he'd change and hope he realises.
To be brutally honest, & you won't like it:
In my experience, the school work went down the pan because DS was smoking cannabis. not the other way around.
The attitude problem goes with it.
also the crying, I won't do it again bullshit......is just to pacify you & get out of trouble.
In hindsite, I would come down on him like a ton of bricks,
Grounded, extra lessons, not allowed out. Total ban on spending time with the same crowd, because 'immature' just means "straight". He has got in with the wrong crowd, & you must do whatever you can to stop it.
My son started out like this, & it got ALOT worse.
The police hopefully will scare the shit out of him (literally)
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