Battle Zone with a foul mouthed 17yr old(4 Posts)
How can I stop my 17old DS creating a battle zone in the house, he is a,lazy foul mouthed lad who thinks that swearing at us is ok, he says he doesn't like being wound up by my DH and DD and being aggressive and abusive is just the way he is. It's his excuse for everything lately, it's just the way I am!!! I have told him that it's not acceptable and he can't behave this way, I worry he will speak to someone and get a smacking. My DH seems to be more interested in talking of "knocking him out" rather than trying to find ways of changing my DS behaviour. I do tend to stick up and make excuses for my DS, I know I've babyed him as he is my youngest but even I have come to the end of my tether with him now. He doesn't seem to want to do anything, I've told him he needs to find a part time job and an interest but he says he hasn't got any interests only his XBox. Really don't know what to
Even much younger children are aware of bad language but are also aware of when it is appropriate to use it and who they shouldn't use it in front of. So his 'I'm just like this' is not a justifiable argument, more a way of him trying to get away with it on his terms. My teen has had it impressed on her that she won't get away with language like that in school or in the workplace later so she is expected not to use it at home at all. She gets pulled up short if anything slips out. Not in an 'end of the world' way, but in a 'don't use that language here' way. I don't need consequences in place for if she is swearing AT us as that doesn't happen, but if it did then I'd be removing things that hurt, like her laptop.
If you want him to get a job then maybe it's a matter of giving him an age limit for when pocket money is no longer provided so he doesn't have all sorts just paid for him anymore but instead needs to pull his finger out and find a job. 18 is a natural age I suppose as he's then an adult.
Is he aggressive and abusive at college? If not, then it's not just the way he is and he is choosing to treat you poorly.
If he swears at you, the conversation is over and you say "I will not be spoken to like that" and you walk away. You will only talk to him and listen to what he has to say when he is polite and calm.
Do you do things for him? Give him lifts places? That stops if he can't treat you respectfully. I'd also stop any pocket money, he is old enough to earn his own and might push him into finding a job.
His brain is trying to become an adult and independant. The way it does this is by making your son feel hatred, embarrassment and anger towards you. All teens go through this but some get it worse than others. They have no control over these feelings.
Boys hide, grunt , go quiet , explode or swear (as talking is hard) and slam stuff.
It must be horrid for him to have these overwhelming feelings of hatred all the time for no reason.
You can set sanctions and argue. They won't work they will make it worse.
Ignore. Ignore the swearing , grumping and rubbish behaviour. He will come out of it. The boy outside your house is the real boy and the man he will become. Pick your battles. Drink wine and leave him to fester in his room for the next two years. Then one day your boy will come back except he will be an adult. Good luck.
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