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Silent treatment from dd15

(14 Posts)
openthewineplease Tue 06-Jan-15 08:49:47

My DD 15 is giving me the silent treatment after I had to tell her, her behaviour was unacceptable, lots of shrieking and foul language, in front of a distressed DD 7 year old, who needed immediate help, she also misunderstood when I said I had to put other DD first, in that moment, and has twisted round in her head that I mean all the time.

How do people deal with type of situation, I honestly don't know what to do, I think she is expecting ME to go and apologise to her, she thinks she is in the right. Do I explain myself, or is that giving her the power ? or just carry on as normal and pretend that she's not being like this ? It is so horrid, the hate is coming of her in waves.

CatsClaus Tue 06-Jan-15 09:02:20

I'd give it right back to her.

ignore her, do not include her in conversations, plans, if you have a regular routine then carry on regardless, don't call her to meals...she can present herself at mealtimes, let her stew in her misery

Make sure she wants something from you before you need something from her.

When she deigns to join back in then you have the conversation about why you did what you did, how she misjudged the situation, and discuss how she might like to act in the future if she wants to be treated like a grown up instead of a ridiculous tantrumming infant.

MinceSpy Tue 06-Jan-15 09:05:54

I second CatsClaus

Velvetbee Tue 06-Jan-15 09:06:29

Just carry on as normal. I survive by riding the waves the hatred, not being drawn in. My DD (15) will scream and yell and disappear upstairs. She'll emerge chirpy and apologetic eventually and I don't drag up the previous terrible behaviour, we just start with a clean slate. It's sometimes exhausting but it means we don't constantly hate each other for stuff we said earlier/yesterday/last week.

insanityscratching Tue 06-Jan-15 09:23:44

I too would ignore and have in the past done just that. Dd soon packed it in when I didn't wake her for school or shout her for her dinner.When she asked why I hadn't I just told her I thought we weren't speaking wink

RudyMentary Tue 06-Jan-15 09:26:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hakluyt Tue 06-Jan-15 09:31:24

Don't join in. Just carry on as normal. You need to model the sort of behaviour you want, rather than being led by her. Don't fuel the fire.

hesterton Tue 06-Jan-15 09:32:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

openthewineplease Tue 06-Jan-15 09:36:42

Mmm Yes they are my instincts,thank you. I have 3 other teen DD, (1 is SD) who lives with us,and she had them all huddled in with her having a bitch fest, she really does think she is queen B, the SD has mocks this week so tension in the house is last thing needed. I have said to SD to just go to her room and concentrate on revision, and getting decent sleep, and not let her self be dragged into it. She is however being nice now to her other sister 13, who she is usually nasty to, and encouraging her to be in on the ignoring business too. Who I have to say isn't usually to argumentative with me.

Heyho111 Tue 06-Jan-15 23:46:25

I disagree totally with giving it straight back to her. That's just bringing yourself down to her level which is a stroppy teenager.
Ignore and carry on as normal.
Teen brains are trying to become independant. They do this by detaching themselves from their parents by feeling hatred and embarrassment about them. Some get it worse than others. Girls express this feeling vocally boys hide away and go silent and grunt.
If you want a massive battle answer her back. I'd just ignore and see it for the hormonal strop it is. Pick your battles.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Tue 06-Jan-15 23:51:59

I'm going to go against the grain and say you should try and talk to her.
I would be mortified if dd had misinterpreted what I had said in this way. I'd explain that I didn't mean her sibling always comes first.

Try and meet her anger with calmness and positivity. And definitely try to avoid going to bed on an argument.

Saying "I'm sorry you are sad and angry" is not the same as saying "I'm sorry, I was in the wrong".

radiobedhead Wed 07-Jan-15 01:29:39

Ignore her and behave appallingly in return? Christ. My mother did a bit of this and she is as vile as some of you sound!

Talk about it, punish/withdraw privileges if that's what you do, but carry on as normal op. As pp said this just is - brain, hormones, you know.

Please don't freeze her out - I assume you'd like to get on for the following 50 years once she's past this stage. Good luck smile

radiobedhead Wed 07-Jan-15 01:33:40

Sorry, the minority sound!

Most pp totally right of course

DixieNormas Wed 07-Jan-15 01:40:19

I would carry on as normal, the taking what you said the wrong way is more than likely intentional ime of teen strops.

When she comes out of it I'd have a talk to her, her trying to involve the other teens doesn't sit well with me but I've no experience of that ( big age gap) so don't know what to suggest

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