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empty nest syndrome even though she's upstairs!

(13 Posts)
OccamsLadyshave Mon 05-Jan-15 18:05:56

A bit of a whinge!

Dd turned 13 a few weeks ago and almost to the day of her birthday retreated into her bedroom never to be seen again apart from to emerge for food. I am a lone parent and have just one dc. We've always been very close (perhaps a bit too close). She always wanted me with her, even if she was watching tv or playing and if i was busy she'd join me cooking or whatever. Basically i don't know what to do with myself now.

All my hobbies involve going out. I don't really feel ready to leave her at home all evening when it's dark. I've read the books and i know she needs to grow away from me. I just need to find myself some hobbies and activities that i can do at home. At least my house is clean! Just wondering if anyone else feels like this or if I'm just a total saddo!

3catsandcounting Mon 05-Jan-15 18:47:42

No, I feel the same! DD17 and DS15 and they disappeared upstairs around 13. DD is starting to come downstairs a bit more (they don't have TVs in their rooms - don't know how I've managed that for so long!!)
DS is still upstairs most of the time, X-boxing, homework, revising etc.
DD doesn't do revising - but that's another story!
DH is very quiet, as are DCs, so the Christmas hols have been hard-going at times. I'm finding projects like sanding down my old pine furniture and restoring, baking, etc. Looking forward to better weather and getting out in the garden.
It's hard though, I miss the togetherness, but I've been told they come back again smile

chiefbrody Mon 05-Jan-15 18:48:41

Not a saddo.

My ds is 13 and similar although we have a room next to the lounge.

I insist we do some stuff together he picks the film or we take the dog out.

Maybe you could cook together or play a board game, make suggestions and let her make some......... other than that enjoy your time and watch closely if she has internet in her room....

BackforGood Mon 05-Jan-15 19:19:13

Tbh, for the first time in my life, I am rathr enjoying being able to sit down in the evening occasionally and choose what I want to watch on tv.

What about knitting, embroidery, crochet, getting a jigsaw out, reading, dressmaking, looking out some new recipes, etc.?

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Mon 05-Jan-15 19:20:54

I feel the same about my 14 year old, DS2 who is 10 is going the same way, it's so quiet and very lonely

Bowlersarm Mon 05-Jan-15 19:25:54

No you aren't a saddo, I understand.

In a way it might be a good thing though? A long period of gentle adjustment whilst she's still living at home, to get you prepared for when she goes off to uni, or leaves home.

OccamsLadyshave Mon 05-Jan-15 20:49:43

Thanks all. Just having a wobble as it seemed particularly noticeable tonight. She only really started not wanting me around last term but with all the events going on pre - Christmas we were still busy.

I've just baked a cake and researched online pilates videos. And i think it's true that this is necessary to prepare me for when she leaves.

I've just shocked myself that I'm struggling with it so much. I just don't think I was ready for it yet.

pasanda Tue 06-Jan-15 14:17:29

I know how you feel sad

My ds is 13 and a half and I always used to comment that he never used his room to play in - even as a small chilld he would be downstairs, in the lounge or somewhere near.

Now I find myself going into his room to check he is still alive grin

I know why he is doing it. I know he needs to. But I hate it a bit really. (not least because I am worried what he is doing on his phone for hours at a time!)

constantlyconfused Wed 07-Jan-15 15:41:36

Same. DD was around me 24/7 to the point I used to wish she'd spent five mins in her room. Now she is in her room 24/7 its really odd.I don't feel I can just leave her up there still need to be in to cook etc .
I suggest films usually after 5 mins her phone rings and she vanishes saying "back in five" then she doesn't return! Days out "no thanks " unless it involves clothes shopping. I have watched hundreds of crap series on netflix and joined a dating website ;-)

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 07-Jan-15 17:09:53

I found that I rediscovered the tv and radio at that stage. Cooking or baking sometimes enticed them downstairs. Of course the minute you get into something that you wanted to watch and concentrate on they materialise...

It does feel solitary but tbf I found being a taxi and clockwatching throughout the evening as they got older far less relaxing.

Someone I knew started learning Spanish ready for the summer holiday. Her family thought it was hilarious but she had the last laugh when they went away that August.

greeneggsandjam Sat 10-Jan-15 22:52:56

I hear you! I am even starting to wonder if I should think about taking a second job at the weekend to fill some time!

MoreBeta Sat 10-Jan-15 23:08:05

We have exactly the same problem with our DSs. DW and me even went to their room tonight to just be with them.

DS1 walked out after 5 minutes refusing to watch the same thing as us on TV. DS2 is still happy to be with us as he is 12 but will soon be gone no doubt. We are converting our basement into a cool teen den for them and then no doubt they will be like troglodytes never to emerge except for food.

I do a hobby outside the home and DW has just asked me if I would mind if she joined a dating website. sad

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Sat 10-Jan-15 23:22:00

Sorry MoreBeta but that made me grin.
We're now on DC3 who is almost 14 and it feels just as much of a surprise as when his brother and sister withdrew - at least, it did for the first few months; we're resigned to it now. And he still lets me dive in for a forced cuddle from time to time.
Preparing for the university stage is a good way to look at it as it really isn't personal, it's just something they need to do - another stage. It does make me feel sad for the times I wished for a bit of peace though!

As an aside, I did enjoy seeing DS1 squirm this week, when I drove him back to uni (he's a second year), and asked where the Scrabble was as he shifted from one foot to the other, waiting for me to leave!

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