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16 year old and money towards keep

(269 Posts)
Faithope Sat 03-Jan-15 17:39:24

Hi, so DS has a well paid job for his age-he has a salary of £10,244 a year and last month took home £950. We ask for £300 a month, I do everything for him as in washing his clothes, ironing and putting away and cook his food.
Now my issue is, he has an issue with how much we ask of him to pay. I have broken it down and shown him our outgoings each month and his £300 hardly scratches the surface of what we pay out. I have explained to him that when I was 16 (20 years ago) that I had to pay my mum £250 a month and didn't earn near as much as he does. That's the reason he needs to pay towards his keep is because he is now classed as a working adult and if he was out in the real world, he wouldn't have a penny left after paying rent, bills, food, mobile etc.
He has no idea how to handle money-last month he spent his entire wages in 7 days (all I have seen is a pair of trainers, he got his ear pierced and bought a hoodie) and had not even bought his nan a birthday present. He then asked us to pay his bus fares to work 3x!! I did but told him it was a loan and that he needs to manage his money better next month.
He's been working for 4 months now and each month is the same.
How else can I explain to him that money has to last the month?

Tattiebogle Sat 03-Jan-15 17:43:08

I would let him have another few months of spending whilst making it very clear that on a certain date he starts to pay board. Im not sure how much I would take but I wouldnt be skinning him. I think it would be x amount of board and x amount of compulsory savings and if he doesnt save his board goes up.

Coconutty Sat 03-Jan-15 17:43:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

esiotrot2015 Sat 03-Jan-15 17:47:40

£300 sounds a lot to me

Coyoacan Sat 03-Jan-15 17:49:14

I think you are right on, OP. Though I'm not certain I agree with you doing his share of the housework, tbh.

He might actually discover that he has a taste for studying again.

Viviennemary Sat 03-Jan-15 17:52:40

Unless your household is on a really tight budget I'd let him off with paying for another few months. But say he must budget and save an amountof money each month even if it's £50 or £100 to begin with. And he should have brought his Grandma a birthday present.

usualsuspect333 Sat 03-Jan-15 17:53:58

Why should he go back to studying if he's happy working?

I wouldn't take £300 a month unless I really needed it.

LynetteScavo Sat 03-Jan-15 17:54:55

I would just take enough to cover food until he turns 18. Then I'd charge him an awful lot more, but I would have warned him it was going to happen well in advance.

Realistically, with my DSs I wouldnt be doing the laundry or charging.

SoonToBeSix Sat 03-Jan-15 17:55:01

Usual because it's illegal! Op why isn't your ds in education?

SoonToBeSix Sat 03-Jan-15 17:57:02

Op £300 is far too much your ds is a child not an adult! How you can spend a lot more than £300 on his food , toiletries and hot water etc is very odd?

usualsuspect333 Sat 03-Jan-15 17:57:18

It's not illegal if it's an apprenticeship.

ISolemnlySwearImUptoNoGood Sat 03-Jan-15 17:58:53

I understand you support him. But he's only 16. He might be working but he isn't an adult. He's still a child, with a child's attitude. It's your responsibility to teach him how to manage his finances better, you can't expect it from him unless you take the time to show him.

Haffdonga Sat 03-Jan-15 18:02:00

Soontobesix so an apprenticeship is illegal for a sixteen year old now? really? well that's buggered the whole skills agenda of the government for the last five years.

SoonToBeSix Sat 03-Jan-15 18:02:53

No usual I assumed it wast an apprenticeship as the op called it a job.

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Jan-15 18:03:24

Could he transfer his wages to your account and you give him his money weekly? That might make it easier for him to manage it. I think life was a lot easier for young people when they were paid in cash, weekly.

mygrandchildrenrock Sat 03-Jan-15 18:04:00

When one of my dds started work and I asked her for board (£25.00 per week about 19 yrs ago) she thought we were mean and spiteful.
My dh asked her if she wanted family rates (£25.00) or hotel rates. Hotel rates would have been the true cost of running a house with all expenses divided by the 3 working adults (she was 18), she quickly agreed to £25.00.
I also asked her to go and ask her friends what they were paying, she duly did and just handed over the £25.00 with a smile, so I guess she knew we weren't being unreasonable.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sat 03-Jan-15 18:05:08

Also it's only in England that you have to stay on/ do an Apprenticeship until 18. In Wales you can leave at 16 and I think similar in Scotland. not sure about NI.

We know the Op is in Great Britain as she is using the £ but she may not be In England.

Gen35 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:07:07

Tricky because legally they have financial responsibility so saying they're a child at 16 isnt quite right in the eyes of the law. I'd be taking the money and saving it for them if they couldn't be trusted, there's also a risk that they don't see the benefit of working if they're continually up against it and being nagged. you want him to have a bit of fun with his first few pay checks, surely? The nan's present is just typical 16 yo stuff, I'd let that go.

HarrietSchulenberg Sat 03-Jan-15 18:12:07

A 16 year old can work full time if they can find a job. They have to be in education or training if they don't have work.
I thonk Op is quite reasonable in her expectations and £300 is about right.

Haffdonga Sat 03-Jan-15 18:13:11

Faithope I believe that there's a real value in asking dcs to contribute to the household pot whether that be financially or by doing tasks. It is very important that they learn the value of money and of unpaid 'help' .

My own rule of thumb for my dcs has been to tell them from a young age that when they are in full time education, that counts as their 'contribution' to the household pot. If they want pocket money or allowances, that is in return for additional 'jobs' around the house (each dc has an additional weekly chore). I've also told them that when they leave full time education they should contribute a third of their salary or Job Seekers allowance to the pot.

So, by my personal rules, your �300 is a fair contribution for your ds if you count his apprenticeship as a full time job. However , he will be also taking qualifications and learning as part of the apprenticeship so you should count it as part education. So, IMO you should take into account that he's still 'in education' and halve your request to �150 a month.


SoonToBeSix Sat 03-Jan-15 18:14:47

No Harriet that isn't true in England.

stupidgreatgrinonmyface Sat 03-Jan-15 18:16:52

We expect our dcs yo pay their share of the food bill and a contribution towards bills that are affected by them living here, so heating, hot water etc. I don't expect them to pay towards mortgage, council tax, water bills as those costs would remain the same whether dcs live here or not. They pay their own mobile bills, fares/travel expenses to work / uni buy their toiletries and clothing etc. Dh and I tend to do most household chores,mainly because one DC works odd shifts and other is working hard on pgce. They do help out with cooking and will do household chores when they can. But we don't take £300 off them. They save so that eventually they will be able to move into their own places.

kilmuir Sat 03-Jan-15 18:17:26

Too much

ssd Sat 03-Jan-15 18:19:15

what does he do, op?

Bowlersarm Sat 03-Jan-15 18:21:23

I think its too much.

He is only 16, and good for him for getting a job but presumably you wouldn't expect anything if he was in education still. You need to encourage him to save, and I'd take less off him so he can do that.

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