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Rooms, mess, ocd, attitude

(8 Posts)
Nerf Fri 02-Jan-15 14:23:14

Hi all.
Dd is 16 and a fairly great teenager in terms of how it could be - no drinking, starting out etx and only minor attitude recently (possibly a change coming?) around going to family things. But, I know we all have different views on rooms but in my house, the kids do not own the rooms full stop. They can stick things on walls, choose colours and wallpapers and bedlinen etc and expect privacy. I am not interested in nosing around their stuff. I do expect hygiene and tidiness though to a degree and I suspect dd is becoming a hoarder. She has recently been added to the list for CAMHS for ocd (hollow laugh re: any chance of being seen soon) and her room is disgusting. She refuses to allow me to clean it, refuses to put things away and can't be bothered to bring cups and glasses down. Dirty cotton wool everywhere, make up and lotion stains, piles of clothes mixed up.
I don't know where to go, I've tried nice I've tried sanctions etc.
I think she needs to get rid of stuff like old books (not treasured objects by any stretch) and clothes but this is meant by refusal. She laughs at any attempt at concern but I know she is unhappy about the ocd.

3nationsfamily Fri 02-Jan-15 15:09:17

I'm not sure about the OCD issue as I have no experience but my DD is similar- great student, county sports level, lovely friends, but bedroom is a tip! I have decided to take a "pick your battles " approach and refuse to do laundry unless it is put in the basket on the landing, no food allowed in the room and I don't iron anything of hers as she stuffs it into overflowing drawers or drops it on the floor anyway.
We have a cleaner once a week who just piles the clothes up on her bed to get to hoover the floor but if it gets too bad I just shut the door and tell her not to bother going in. When she runs out of pants she picks up the dirty laundry for processing, and when friends are coming round for a sleepover she cleans up. Other than that I leave her to it.
In all to short a time she will be away at Uni and will be living in a much smaller space than her current bedroom so will have to manage that.

Nerf Fri 02-Jan-15 15:59:00

Thank you for replying. Maybe I need to do what you are doing and stop food/drink going upstairs and the ironing being ruined.

constantlyconfused Fri 02-Jan-15 20:47:41

What is she OCD about?
My DD is under CAMHS you might get first appointment fairly quickly but we are two years down the line and STILL waiting to see consultant . I think they are very busy and if your DD like mine isn't self harming they aren't a priority which is fair enough.

DDs room is also a pigsty fake tan in carpet make up on curtains its disgusting and makes me really cross that she has no respect for the house or her nice things but I have no amazing advice as if she tidies its back to gross in a day or two.If her friends come over she cleans for them then they trash it together!

Nerf Fri 02-Jan-15 20:56:26

Contamination and intrusive thoughts. Camhs here took over a year to offer ds an appointment (and there's a story) so I'm not hopeful.
Glad it's not just me wanting to enforce things. I'm really concerned she will end up as a hoarder. The room is tiny bit we've spent a lot of time and effort on nice built in shelving and inset shelves above the bed head, tv on the wall etc to help but no good.

Claybury Fri 02-Jan-15 21:18:06

I have same policy as 3nations. Never iron !

DD's room can reach pig style levels. When I'm feeling brave I go in and fill bags for the bin/ charity shop, books and clothes etc. She doesn't seem to mind and often she doesn't really notice. If I'm not sure I don't get rid of it immediately - if she hasn't noticed within a few weeks then I figure she never will.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Fri 02-Jan-15 21:25:20

Two DDs here, similar age to OPs. Both bedrooms an absolute tip. I lose it occasionally and we have a big bust up. Other times I wade in and clear up when they're away overnight/we have run out of forks, glasses etc. but most of the time I leave them to wallow in their own filth. God forbid I ever need to ask for a GP home visit

Nerf Fri 02-Jan-15 22:50:07

Clay bury I can do that with the little ones, and I think in theory it would work but the ocd means that if I put something she thinks is dirty on something clean for example, it will cause huge stress. If I've been in her room she gets really stressed. I'm so tempted to just do it but I think I need to get rid of stuff as if I just clean and tidy it's back to pig sty within 48 hours!

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