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Flashes of the dc they were and the adults they will be (a positive teen thread)

(17 Posts)
Haffdonga Thu 01-Jan-15 19:18:48

Amid the stress of looming exams (in which they are courting with disaster), negotiating the appeals and pitfalls of sex, drugs and alcohol and at the same time trying to get a handle on who they actually are, just occasionally my teen boys show us a glimpse of the people they are inside.

Today, while finally sorting out his bedroom ds2 unearthed his old toys. He and ds1 spent a happy hour jousting with light sabres and laughing their heads off like the little boys they used to be. Half an hour later ds2 overheard me and dh discussing attempting (and failing) to pay off our credit card bill. He quietly told us he'd like to put his Christmas money towards the bill. (Of course we're not accepting his money, but I'm so proud of him).

After a pretty stressful holiday in terms of various teen issues, I just wanted to give a bit of a positive new year reminder to myself and any other stressed teen parents out there that underneath it all, they're actually pretty fantastic.

Happy New Year and any positve teen stories welcome smile

Theas18 Thu 01-Jan-15 23:57:24

What a lovely post haffdonga.

My 18/21 yr olds have been really supportive ( in the small amount of time they've been home from uni) as my parents are both quite ill. both are totally loving their studies and eldest is doing what she should ( all be it fairly last minute ) re PhD applications etc (which is quite funny as I asked for advice as I had no idea how these things worked , on the Higher ed forum and was roundly told off for interfering lol - but she did have it in hand anyway!). She's also been awarded a period of study abroad in the spring !

The 15yr old is doing ok with exams and we only get a sort of half hearted " I'm a teen so I'll flounce /slam doors" performance every so often, interspersed with strangely grown up stuff ( she's always been very mature) such as " x has invited me to othello at Stratford and I really want to go ... Is that ok with you ?"

And actually I come into contact with a lot of teens via work and most of them are clearly rather lovely people too .

DH ( teaches primary ) had a proud moment in aldi when we found one of the first pupils he ever taught is on their management training program - aww!

myotherusernameisbetter Fri 02-Jan-15 16:50:14

Aww that brought a tear to my eye OP.

Apart from the odd Grrr moment when DS2 (13) lets his mouth get the better of him, I'm actually enjoying my teenage boys a lot.

Yes, they can be a bit messy and unthinking from time to time but they are really funny mostly and whilst DS1 (14) is pretty quiet, he comes out every so often with total stonkers that have us laughing for ages. DS2 is very quick witted and sarcastic and it amazes me the things they know and their views on the world. I like the way that they are generous with their time though not always with their cash smile DS1 is amazing at helping with little ones at Beavers. DS2 is a good friend though that is not always reciprocated but he'll learn or maybe just decide that just because others are not as generous as he is it doesn't mean he should change who he is.

They both make me so proud every day and I am looking forward to seeing them become men. I would also add that in the main their friends are similar and are good kids.

azA99 Sat 03-Jan-15 17:35:15

My nearly 18 yo daughter didn't keep in contact on NYE, of course I found it hard to sleep, she came in at 3am and cheerfully asked if her boyfriend could stay over, the bf who had a big falling out with me last summer when I asked him if he respected her and he threw a strop, phoned his parents and said he was scared! And has refused to speak to me since, and has broken her heart and cheated on her...and worse, I suspect. So, of course, I calmly said No, and she turned round and disappeared again til 5am. Argh.

The next day, when we got through a firm chat in which I reminded her I was her parent and not a cool adult or a friend, and she got angry, she suddenly burst into tears and said all her friends were so rich and she was just so jealous. It was such a brave and tender moment, she used to be as open and vulnerable as this all the time but has felt the need to act tough for the past year or so. It's amazing when you get these moments of real vulnerability; we have to remind them that this doesn't make them weak, it's the strongest thing a person can do to reflect on their feelings. it's nice to read this positive thread. Thankyou!

Heyho111 Sun 04-Jan-15 22:20:39

I have an 18yr and 16 yr olds. They strop, hide in their rooms, are v messy, get drunk, occasionally high and sometimes tell me to F off.
But they are also affectionate, study to their best ability, have a joke and sometimes really good conversations with us. They also say how much they love and appreciate us on the v odd occasion. Those bits outweigh the bad bits by a mile.

summer68 Sun 04-Jan-15 22:43:08

Yes there are "those" moments even with the hardest of teens - thank you for this tread, nice to reflect on a good moment, mine don't happen very often but this evening my ds ( 17) and I played 3 games of mankala ( a game we used to play before adolescence kicked in.) I'm very grateful for this moment of truce.

smileyforest Sun 04-Jan-15 22:56:10

Yes ..despite everything I can add to this...a late Xmas present from my 16.5 ds...wrapped in a kitchen towel..a little ornament hedgehog which of course I will treasure (he looked just like the toddler I remember all those years ago when he gave it to me) and a text from my older ds 18y just before Xmas telling me how much he admired and loved me ! (he always wrote me notes when he was little) Definite moments...and things to remember when it can be so, so tough!

flashyballs Mon 05-Jan-15 07:19:49

My 18 year old Ds1 is not that bad either, he still has moments but now he's in full time work and earning decent money he's calmed down alot, and is turning into a lovely lad, still drinks nearly all of the milk though angry

PingPongBat Tue 06-Jan-15 17:26:10

Very pleased to see this thread smile. And I’m happy to say our teens are mostly lovely.

Got home late from work today and DD (13) gave me a big hug & a kiss and we exchanged tales of our day and giggled at various things that have happened. We have lovely shopping trips and days out together. DS (15) is generally funny, loving & thoughtful, but absent minded at the same time, IYSWIM. Both work hard at school and like to do their best.

Like Heyho we have stroppy moments but these are far outweighed by lovely conversations, happy days out & helpfulness whenever someone in the family is feeling down or tired. They also show amazing compassion for each other – when one is hurt or upset, the other one is equally, if not more, hurt or upset, and worried for the other.

MoreCrackThanHarlem Tue 06-Jan-15 17:32:46

I like this thread.
Dd is 14 and so far managing to completely avoid the term pitfalls of boyfriends, drink and drugs, lies and deceit and slacking.

She is bright, kind, conscientious and sensitive. Great at school, can be trusted implicitly and gives us no cause for concern.

I am enjoying being a parent of a teen immensely. I don't know what I ever did to deserve a daughter as thoughtful and lovely as she is.

farmlass Fri 16-Jan-15 21:19:45

What a lovely 16yo ds told me yesterday that when he holds a door open at school and no one says thanks he just says you're welcome,

And they usuallySay thanks.(he IS 6 foot 3 ).he then proceeded to tell me good manners cost nothing you know!!
Could not look at him as had huge grin on my face.must have heard that one from me at some point but would never admit it!

chocoluvva Tue 20-Jan-15 12:35:11

What a nice thread.

My 18 and 15YO say please and thank you, don't swear at home and don't stamp around slamming doors. They are both generous, especially DD who gave me a huge amount of Christmas presents. And they're both kind. We laugh quite a lot.

They won't take advice though and don't work hard at school/uni. Which is a worry. Low level irritations are their speciality too - extreme untidiness.

DD has matured a lot since turning 18 and moving into a student place.

mummyofglitter Thu 22-Jan-15 22:03:26

DS1 (19) came home from uni over Christmas and actually sat with DD (11) to watch Miracle on 34th Street. I know he wouldn't have chosen to watch it, but DD looked so happy when he came into the living room and cuddled up with her under a blanket with hot chocolate.

DS2 has done his mock AS exams and got As in all four of his subjects (maths and three sciences)

Just hoping DC will stay lovely forever and not just because they are hoping it will snow.

HSMMaCM Sun 25-Jan-15 13:12:10

DD has been having a totally rubbish time recently, but still found the energy and drive to do well in her mocks and lend me her tea cup. I'm happy with that.

3boys1cat Thu 29-Jan-15 15:53:02

Got a text from my 19 year old DS1 (away at a uni) earlier in the week to say that a package would be arriving addressed to him. It's a birthday present for his dad. No reminder from me at all. So proud!

TheFairyCaravan Thu 29-Jan-15 16:02:28

DS2(18) and I were having a chat about the state of the country and social injustice the other day. He said to me "I shall be quite happy to pay my taxes to look after those who can't."

He is such a caring, compassionate boy. It made my heart swell, I must admit.

DS1(20) lives away most of the time. He phoned the other night to tell me he had had his first experience of driving a tank, he's in the Army, he was so, so excited. It transported me back 15 years! I said to him that snow was forecast for this weekend so he might not be able to come home. He said "oh, I like coming home. I miss you." I miss him too.

HSMMaCM Thu 29-Jan-15 16:40:52

DD gave a teacher who helped her some of her ferero rocher chocolates. She never shares them, so it's a massive effort on her part grin

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