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Am I being unreasonable? 14 y.o girl and NYE...

(117 Posts)
buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 11:49:05

My 14 y.o daughter wishes to spend NYE at a friend's (boy's) house. In total, it will be 4 girls and 2 boys (including her). All these children have been friends since reception at primary school, and I know all their parents - however, I am just not happy with her staying the night. The boy's parents will be out for NYE but will be home later in the evening; I am within walking distance but I am not happy as I know what 14 y.o girls and boys can get up to. DD promises me they are all 'friends' and nothing 'dodgy' will happen. She has taken huge offense to me not letting her go and does not understand why I am not happy, and I am starting to rethink. Am I being unreasonable by not letting her go? I have spoken to all her friend's parents and they are fine with it. Any advice welcome! smile

Mouldypineapple Wed 31-Dec-14 11:51:36

What is it you are particularly worried about?

SacredHeart Wed 31-Dec-14 11:51:52

Probably not what your dd wants to hear but as a 30 year old who went to lots of parties at 14 and knowing what happens, I wouldn't let my daughter do what I did.

I know, I'm a hypocrite.

IHaveBrilloHair Wed 31-Dec-14 11:52:57

I have a 13yr old dd and would be fine with it, I really can't see a problem at all.

DixieNormas Wed 31-Dec-14 11:54:28

Well at that age id have drank but I never slept with any of my friends.

What are you worried about?

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 11:55:16

Mouldypineapple, I am not so concerned about what will most likely happen (such as maybe a bit of alcohol), but what could happen (stomach pumping and sex, the likes). I suppose my daughter has always been very sensible and her friends have been also, I'm just worried. If that makes sense?

ElizabethHoover Wed 31-Dec-14 11:55:20

say that is the compromise then - that she can go but cant stay the night

CalicoBlue Wed 31-Dec-14 11:56:12

If the parents are going to be there overnight too, I would not have a problem with it.

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 11:56:43

DixieNormas I guess it is the fact that maybe one of her friends will think it's cool to bring out a bottle of vodka, and they all end up in hospital. Very extreme I know, but I've heard stories...

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 11:58:00

ElizabethHoover, I suggested this to her and she went into meltdown mode. "But all my friends are staying, it's so uncool to be picked up!" You know, the usual...

HoggleHoggle Wed 31-Dec-14 11:59:16

My mum wouldn't have let me go either. That meant that by the time I was 16, I was sneaking out the house and getting up to absolute horrors.

I want to remember this when my dc are teenagers so that I give them a bit - not much!- slack to try and avoid them going too far the other way.

Maybe she can go but not stay the night, as you say? Or what time will the resident parents be back? If around midnight then I think sleepover is ok, but if they will be out all night then personally I wouldn't let a 14 yr old stay over when I know boys are there too.

derektheladyhamster Wed 31-Dec-14 11:59:32

If the parents will be back - what about 12.30? I'd let them go. Strict instructions about not drinking. Are the parents responsible? I'd make sure that there was no alcohol in the house for example. And I'd embarass her and have lots of talking about sex and unwanted pregnacies, sti etc.

I have a 14 yr old boy and would be quite happy under these circumstances.

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 11:59:35

SacredHeart, that's exactly what I said to her! However it's not so much a party, it is exclusively 6 friends staying the night. Having seen the things I saw at 14... shock

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 12:00:57

HoggleHoggle and derektheladyhamster, I imagine about 1. The parents are going to a local house within walking distance. I'm beginning to reconsider...

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 31-Dec-14 12:00:58

My dd had two friends round last NYE. One of them drank the contents of my drinks cupboard. We were in the house!

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 31-Dec-14 12:02:00

You can have lots of sex before midnight.

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 12:02:43

Oh and derektheladyhamster, already spoken to her about the sex! "But I can't even get pregnant, what's your problem?"

MissMillament Wed 31-Dec-14 12:03:57

I have to admit I would have no hesitation about allowing my 14 year old to do this in the circumstances you describe. If all her other close friends are going to be there, parents will be returning, they are normally sensible etc then you refusing to let her go will be giving her the message that you don't trust her. I think you are being very unreasonable and the end result is likely to be that she will be less open with you in the future about what she is doing as she will perceive you to be unfair.

HoggleHoggle Wed 31-Dec-14 12:04:14

I'd be inclined to let her go. And yy to the mortifying, icky sex/pregnancy talk! Make it clear it's a one off perhaps, owing to special occasion, so she doesn't want dual gender sleepovers more often?!

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 12:04:35

ExitPursuedByABear fortunately her friends are not like that (or at least I hope they're not...) when I asked DD about this she said "not with them! We've been friends since primary school, that would be disgusting" etc etc.

bonniegold Wed 31-Dec-14 12:05:09

i wouldnt but thats just me

buzzingbees Wed 31-Dec-14 12:05:33

HoggleHoggle, that's a fab idea. Thank you!

Viviennemary Wed 31-Dec-14 12:08:09

I usually err on the side of caution. But I think this sounds fine. I don't think they're planning a mass orgy. I would let her go.

ICanTotallyDance Wed 31-Dec-14 12:08:57


You say she's very sensible but she finds being picked up from a party embarrassing and doesn't think that she can get pregnant (is this a legitimate thought because she is on b/c or not yet menstruating or some bizarre rumour?) so I am not sure how sensible that sounds!

However, if she is going to get up to something crazy, she is just as likely to do it before midnight as she is after midnight.

It's your call though. Personally, I would say no to the sleepover but I come form a very old fashioned group of friends! It depends how much you trust your daughter, her friends and their parents really.

RedButtonhole Wed 31-Dec-14 12:09:42

I would let her go, you're not far away and the parents will be back for the overnight bit.

I had lots of friends who were boys at that age and I had to lie through my teeth to my mother to be able to go to anything unsupervised with them, it made things worse than if she had just trusted me.

Let her go, warn her what the consequences will be if she breaks your trust by going too far with the drink and lay down what you expect.

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