Grrr Dd and NYE

[Groovee]

We don't really do New Year. Dd asked if she could go to her 17 year old friends party on NYE. I said I would think about it but Dh and I feel at 14 she is too young.

She gets a lot of pressure from this friend and she is my friend's dd, and she does tend to get pandered to in a way I don't with my dd. This is her choice but dd gets peeved with me.

Last night we went to a friend's son's 18th and I allowed dd one alcoholic drink. Dh and I felt she may have sneaked more. What she doesn't know, is her best mate hurt herself and as I was cleaning her up, she admitted they may have drink 5 drinks.

Bit annoyed with her but it's been hilarious watching her with an obvious sore head but not able to complain.

Anyway the friend keeps hassling her to tell me she is coming, she left her phone unattended and the message slagging me off came up.

She's been offered to go to her best mates where I feel this would be a better option as her mum and dad will be there but how to tell my friend to get her daughter to back off as it ain't happening.

Just needed to rant!!!

[mamapain]

Do not say anything to your friend about her daughter. Your DD needs to learn to manage the relationship. You should just tell your DD you decision and leave it at that.

Also she's entitled to slag you off to her mate and vice versa, so I'd definitely leave that alone.

[specialsubject]

no, she is NOT entitled to be abusive about her mother to her friend, nor is vice versa allowable.

ground until less bitchy. Or at least able to hide it better.

[WineWineWine]

I'd let her decide what she wants to do - and stop reading her texts! Kids always have and always will, bitch about the things their parents do to restrict them. It doesn't mean anything more than expressing frustration.

Talk to her about alcohol and ask her how much she is planning on drinking and how she will respond if people encourage her to drink more. Get more details about who will be at the party - will there be any adults? How will she get there and back? That will help her come to the best decision for herself without you telling her what to do and her rebelling against it.

[Groovee]

I didn't unlock the phone and read her text, it flashed on the screen and I thought it was ds's phone.

The upshot is my friend called me and I said no she wasn't going as her best friend's parents had offered for her to go there. Friend realised we wouldn't change her mind and dd has realised that it's not happening.

I still think a 14 year old with 7 17 year olds is too young. I wouldn't expect my niece of the same age to want to spend NYE with a 14 year old either.

[chocoluvva]

No way would I allow a 14YO to go to an unattended party with older teens drinking! Last year DD went to a small, unsupervised party with other 17YOs and that was bad enough. I would have been even less happy had she not been to an unsupervised party a few day before and come out of it apparently unscathed - (she didn't tell me the parents would be away).

14 is far too young to be going to that sort of thing. My 15YO (nearly 16YO) will be allowed a maximum of three beers spread over the whole evening in our home, with his dad and me there.

At 14 the effects of alcohol are much more damaging than after the age of15+. You can talk to them about having only one or two but 14YOs aren't known for having good judgement at the best of times let alone with a drink or two in them. And she might not know what she's drinking. A + E will be busy enough without your DD potentially adding to it.

This year my DD - now 18 is holding a NYE party at her student flat in town. Most of the invitees are 18, two are 17, one is 16 and a couple are 20; one of the 17YOs wasn't allowed to go because of the drinking.