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Worried about a teenager

(11 Posts)
IloveOreossx Fri 19-Dec-14 23:55:57

I am closely related to a 15yr old girl. She has been through alot, Raped by a family member (who was convicted but not imprisoned), involved in drugs, alcohol, arrested twice for fighting, left school at 14 (although she is extremely bright and puts me to shame when it comes to intelligence) She no longer drinks, No longer takes drugs (Involved with cannabis and "speed" whatever that is, Sorry im old) But still smokes and refuses to give up and doesn't seem to have any ambition in life. I took her to cahms 6months ago, After faffing her around for 3months cancelling appointments and telling her this and that had been lost, we sat in a room with a male psychiatrist who told her "you don't want to die. you don't want to harm yourself. you are fine. you have coping strategies, you don't need to be here you're wasting time" her reply was "F**k yeah let me just write a bloody self help book. Thanks for the help, Asswipe" and she refused to go back to see someone else (As I offered to make a complaint and get her in to see someone different, Understandably she didnt want to). Her mother is completely disinterested. Doesn't want to know. S (We'll call the girl S from now on) is now out for weeks at a time, I suspect with a partner, but she won't tell me as she thinks I will call the police (As I did once call the police for her when she was younger as she was out all hours taking drugs...) and S's mother does not seem to care. S came home to her mum last week, I was there. S started telling her mum about getting a college application for sept enrollment to do something with CAD or ICT, S's mum started telling her about a game on her iphone and what was for dinner. A College application is massive when it comes to S, if you asked her 6 weeks ago what she wanted from life she would have shrugged, and her mum just ignored her. I saw S fight back tears and walk off upstairs, Muttering something to the effect of "yeah you wonder why i'm never here... Makes sense" this happens alot. S will try to talk to her mum, her mum will be laughing at her phone or smiling at it, then will mention something completely irrelevant so S is ignored, by evening S is staring at her laptop going "mmm. yeah.. hmm. Alright mam. Yeah ok. Mhhhmmmmmm. i'm trying to do something here" while her mum babbles on about something irrelevant to her daughter. 3 weeks ago S came home in her PJs at midnight, S was extremely ill. throwing up, coughing, fever. She knew she could not get to appropriate medical attention with whoever she was with, As it'd look a bit weird a 15yr old turning up at midnight without her mum. her mum ignored her, Went to bed and didn't even check on her. S walked back out and did not get medical attention, although she was so dizzy she could barely stand (so im guessing had someone waiting on the corner with a car or something). This is just what ive observed from being there every so often, About once a week (that should give a clue to how closely related we are...) I feel this girl is being let down horribly let down by all in her life. Every adult has just ignored her and thats extremely sad to see. I want to know how to help sad She is 16 in feb and i honestly believe once she turns 16 i'll never see her again. I want to help her i really do but i dont know how

wickedlazy Sat 20-Dec-14 00:13:23

Could she come live with you?

wickedlazy Sat 20-Dec-14 00:14:04

And I'm guessing you're her aunt?

IloveOreossx Sat 20-Dec-14 00:41:31

No, She really cant. I could be up shit creek without a paddle soon as I'm going through a tough breakup with zero income so i really really cant take anyone on sad

Selks Sat 20-Dec-14 00:51:13

I think there is enough there to warrant a call to social services - if she is away from home weeks on end at age 15 and her Mum has little sense of where she is and doesn't care. It makes the girl very vulnerable to being exploited.
Social care might be able to arrange family support or other interventions that might help. I'd give them a call if I were you.

The other thing to look into is other avenues of support that she or you both together could refer to such as youth services (sometimes called targetted youth support), or other support and outreach services that might be available in your area. Googling or ringing your council offices might produce some results.

Maybe you could support her with her college application.

It's very sad; I feel for the girl.

nequidnimis Sat 20-Dec-14 09:48:31

Have you told her all of this? How concerned you are, and how much you want to help, and how afraid you are that she'll turn 16 and disappear?

I realise you are having a bad time yourself and couldn't take this on full time, but I would make sure she knows she can call you if she's in trouble or ill, and talk to you about her college application.

I would also be giving her mum a hard talking to, about the impact she's having on her DD and how she may live to regret all of this, but I'm sure you have already tried that.

IloveOreossx Sat 20-Dec-14 10:40:38

how fast would social services act??? I'm not too sure and its coming up to christmas so I assume there'd be some form of backlog. She is 16 on the 12th of feb, So not long until shes 16. I've tried talking to her and she seems to take in everything I say however it doesn't change her behavior. She wants her mum and quality time with her mum but her mum just ignores her. S has an older sister who is 21, S's older sister has a 1yr old DS and lives away with her ds and ds's dad. However S's mum will chase S's older sister all the time, text and calls every day, Asking how GC is and always inviting them over. When S's sister needs money S's mum will jump right in and offer hundreds of pounds, But when s's phone and laptop broke (so she had nothing to use for anything) S's mum would not even buy a £5 tesco brick phone. Its grossly unfair how she is treated and I don't understand why, I've tried talking to S's mum but just get told to butt out. S was with whoever she is with (She won't tell me) and called her mum asking if she could come home and borrow £20 as she had no gas, no electric and no food so she wanted to get 5 on each meter then have money for some food. S's mum said no. Its cruel how she is treated. Financially and emotionally sad Very unfair.

nequidnimis Sat 20-Dec-14 12:14:34

Honestly, I don't know what you can do if you have tried talking to her mum and are unable to do any more for her yourself.

Are there any other family members who could help? Her sister?

IloveOreossx Sat 20-Dec-14 12:26:49

Her sister and her are not close at all and probably speak once a month (if that) They always clash and theres always some kind of rivalry going on, So i doubt her sister would help her

notquiteruralbliss Wed 24-Dec-14 09:50:42

What you can do is help her with college applications etc. These days, at 16, she will be expected to be in education or training. So act as a mentor, rather than having her living with you. Maybe take her to see her local 16 to 18 careers service.

At 16 she will also be able to get an apprenticeship paying 95 plus a week with access to training etc, which would give her a bit of financial independence and the chance to get some qualifications. I am sure that it is possible yo do ICT related apprenticeships.

Theselittlelightsofmine Wed 24-Dec-14 09:58:32

I would take her and figure out building a new life for me and her together.

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