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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Smartphone addiction

15 replies

Claybury · 11/12/2014 18:40

Anyone have a teen who they feel is 'addicted ' to the internet / social media / smartphone? Our router is off overnight but she has data on her phone.

DD is 16 and I have started removing it from her for periods of the day ( at night and when something needs doing like oboe practice ) but she reacts really badly. So badly in fact that I know I am probably doing the right thing. If things do not improve we will cancel her phone altogether.

It's hard not think teens are wasting so much time on the Internet although I do appreciate they live in a different world from the one I grew up in.

OP posts:

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InfinitySeven · 11/12/2014 18:42

Erm... I use my phone literally all the time. I use it for work, too, so I guess I'm a bit unusual there. But I wouldn't take kindly to anyone taking it off me and I make sure it doesn't die because I need it. I think it's the way of the world these days, rather than an addiction.

Heyho111 · 11/12/2014 19:39

Times have changed. It's the way of the world. Rather than take it off her for oboe practice I would turn it upside down sound off on the otherside of the room. This means she can see it but not have it.
Please don't cancel it as that will cut her off from her social network and at her age it is vital to be involved.
Get her also to put it to the side at meals and homework. Putting it away at night is good but you can't really enforce that for long as she is becoming an adult.
It's frustrating I know but times have changed.

Heyho111 · 11/12/2014 19:40

Also The massive strop is normal girl teen reaction.

TeenAndTween · 12/12/2014 19:39

Is she y11 or y12?

If y11 I would definitely enforce phone removal during homework/revision times, and at night.

Our school recommends coinciding breaks in revision with your friends so you can all social network together in breaks and then get back to work knowing nothing is going on behind you!

Claybury · 13/12/2014 08:14

Year 11. She works hard & just did brilliantly in her mocks. My concern is stress & lack of sleep. Sometimes they are messaging at 10.30pm, and it's often some stressful teenage drama , then she gets to sleep around 11.15. So that's little more than 7 hours sleep.
When I removed it overnight Thursday however she made a point of pottering until 11 so my strategy to get her to sleep would fail.

OP posts:

MyballsareSandy · 13/12/2014 08:25

Mine aren't allowed iPads or phones in bedrooms at night, but they are only 13. Not sure I'll still be able to insist on this at 16!

OfficerKaren · 13/12/2014 08:38

I think there is something of a screen addiction going on with my teen and I recognise that I am momentarily tetchy if I think my access to the internet is about to be limited!

My teen had the lifeline of fb cut off this week after a ridiculous boundary pushing over the X box. Result was much more interaction as a
family and of a better quality. A book was read at night so no earlier bedtime!

MyballsareSandy · 13/12/2014 08:45

Interesting what you say about family interaction. One of my DDs had her phone and iPad taken away for a day due to school detentions, and she was so much more involved with us. Chatting in the kitchen, helping to cook, telling me about her day, instead of grunting at me without even looking up from her iPad.

beachyhead · 13/12/2014 08:54

You can manage each device individually through the BT router if you have one. My 13 ds has wifi cut off at 10pm on his devices.

SecretSquirrels · 13/12/2014 10:40

Only on MN does the router get turned off for a sixteen year old as well.
Who will do that for you when she gets to uni? Or will she have to start learning for herself only after she has left home?

OfficerKaren · 13/12/2014 10:50

I learned a lot of my own boundaries from the limits set at home. So I'm not really buying into your pov Secret!

chocoluvva · 13/12/2014 15:47

My DD is the same. Now she's 18 she uses it slightly less I think.

The difficulty in trying to help in this situation is the fact that it seems to be almost normal to be 'on' your smartphone about five hundred times a day for 'today's' teenagers, so your DD probably thinks you're old and out of touch with what it's like to be a teenager today and won't take any notice.

Apparently the anticipated, but not certain, 'reward' of seeing a like/comment/message delivers a hit of dopamine, which I don't need to tell you is addictive. And as you probably know, the more 'rewards' obtained like this the less sensitive your DD will become to other, healthier stimuli that would normally afford pleasure and feelings of well-being. So it's a real problem IMO. Not just because it wastes so much time.

I'm sorry I can't link to specific research. Your DD might think you're kicking up a fuss over nothing, given that she is doing very well at school but showing her info on addiction might help. (You know her better than we do ) (My DD admitted that she probably was addicted, but wasn't willing to address the issue.)

I think teenagers who have their smartphone-use restricted probably feel very 'controlled' - could you do a deal perhaps? You won't comment on something else/will offer more freedom in a different part of her life if she agrees to using her phone less? How about discussing her having a phone that isn't smart, so that at least she doesn't have the constant temptation of snapchat/instagram/fb etc on her phone?

FWIW, this is one area of parenting I feel I've done badly. No problems with drinking/smoking/unhealthy eating/etc (so far anyway) but I wonder if DD would have achieved more and have a better attitude to some things if she hadn't spent so much time on her phone.

Then again, perhaps she'd have done something else instead.

DH and I tried to get her to cut down her use for Lent as she usually does something for Lent, but she wouldn't even consider it.

Claybury · 13/12/2014 18:21

Thanks chocco - it's a very hard thing to parent. Things have changed so quickly. When I was young my parents were always on a mission to switch off the TV. Now I long to watch a film with the DC's uninterrupted by devices !
We do switch of the router overnight however the older teens have data on their phones ....

OP posts:

fartmeistergeneral · 15/12/2014 15:28

My ds aged 16 is also addicted (for want of a better word). The thing is I see other comments here saying - take it off him, encourage him to put it to one side,reason with him, come to a deal - and I can honestly say nothing has worked and I have tried each and every one of these suggestions.

He's 16, I've spoken to him about it, clearly and plainly a ton of times. I've now stopped (a couple of months ago) because it was really affecting our relationship and over and above everything, I want to maintain our currently good relationship.

I wish he was on it less. I wish he would do more with his life. I wish the phone didn't dominate everything. But, other than physically wrestle if off him, there's nothing I can do until he matures enough to see all this for himself.

dodo3 · 15/12/2014 15:38

Praise the lord. Thank god Im not alone in this.

DD is on her phone ALL THE TIME. I can see from wasap that shes on it every minute.

I cant take the phone as WW3 would happen, shes 17.

I just keep reminding her that her work is more important etc and hope it sinks in.

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