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15 year old son in trouble at school

(5 Posts)
Clarita12345 Thu 11-Dec-14 06:19:16

Please helphmm
My son is taking his GCSE this year. I had a phone all yesrerday from his form tutor who said that my son said that he was homophobic. When spoken to by his form tutor & another teacher a week later, he denied and said he couldn't remember having said it and that who ever snitched he can sort them out... Meaning that he will get his friends to do sohmmhmmhmm
I was gutted & full of anger when I heard this.
Knowing my son, he wouldn't be homophobic or else but he doesn't think sometimes before he says things that could upset others. He also has this idea of being a macho & tough gives you a title of a hard strong boy...
When I spoke to him, he somehow realised his mistake and said he will apologise and that he never meant to say nor he is a homophobic.
I am not sure what's going on with him.!! I have criticised the type of music he listens to and asked him not to try to copy what these Rap style songs are about as they don't reflect the reality!
Please help me understand what's going on with him so I can help him. Is there a film he could watch it a book he could read to get him to see & feel the other side of the coin... Where he could feel for the person who gets harassed, bullied or beaten up to change his mind set that to "Avoid being Bullied yourself doesn't mean you Inflict the same on others...." There must be another way of fitting into a group without being a tough boy as I know this is what he is trying to do!!!!
Thank you sad

antimatter Thu 11-Dec-14 06:28:02

I think there's a story you haven't told us behind his behaviour.

I can see that boys get a lot from feeling they belong.
He may be playing up to his mates at school. Do you know his friends? Have you met them and saw how they interact with each other?

Heyho111 Thu 11-Dec-14 06:39:23

Boys do something they call banter at this age. This chat happens amongst friends and to an outsider sounds really awful. I can't listen to it. I think it's a way of hardening themselves up to what life is going to throw at them.
The only problem with banter is when another lad can't cope with it or it goes too far.
There is also a lot of bravado involved. Saying you'll sort them out and actually doing it are far apart.
Your son is full of hormones, confusion and trying to become an adult.
I suggest you read a book called. Get out my life but first take me and Alex to town. It will help you understand what is happening in his brain and how to deal with it.

FiveExclamations Thu 11-Dec-14 07:52:18

I'm on the other side of a similar sort of thing at the moment, a lad my DD has been friends with since she started Primary turned on her almost the moment they reached high school. His mum told him to get in with the bullies to avoid being a target (she told me this, quite proudly) he swears at her, pushes and stamps on her feet and takes the piss out of what she says.

At least your son is getting the right messages from home, don't underestimate that. My DD is more irritated than upset at the moment and has made it clear she's not putting up with any of it, so I haven't gone in to the school or tackled his parents about it yet, but even though we are on friendly terms I'm pretty sure I will be wasting my breath with his mum.

Clarita12345 Fri 12-Dec-14 18:40:59

So sorry for not getting back sooner... Been very busysad and thank you for your replies. If any of you have more advice please do post it. Thank you x

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