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Dd refusing to do DofE- angry!!!

(28 Posts)
chickensaresafehere Wed 26-Nov-14 16:35:52

Daughter is 14,really keen,in the beginning,to enrol on bronze DofE,I was pleased as I thought she would enjoy it & it would build her self confidence.
So paid the 20 pounds enrolment fee & went to a parents evening about it.She then declares she doesn't want to do it anymore,because she cannot be bothered & it's too much work as well as school hmm
We had a massive falling out over it the other night,but she's sticking to her guns even though I've said I'll be very disappointed in her.
So I've told her she has to pay me the money back confused
Bloody teenagers !!!!!!

usualsuspect333 Wed 26-Nov-14 16:39:57

It's her choice though, No point falling out over it.

SunnyBaudelaire Wed 26-Nov-14 16:42:39

I totally understand ur rage - my dd did more or less the same and I was furious because it had been HER idea and the week I paid the sub things were really tight.
No point in being too angry though I suppose...grrrrr

chickensaresafehere Wed 26-Nov-14 16:43:41

Too late,we have fallen out over it!!I should have known really,she moans about having to bring home her cooking projects from school,so maybe the DofE was a stretch too far grin

usualsuspect333 Wed 26-Nov-14 16:47:12

Have a grrr and then move on grin

She will be quite busy with her GCSEs over the next couple of years though.

SunnyBaudelaire Wed 26-Nov-14 16:50:09

same here chickens.... I really should have known - have some cake cake

chickensaresafehere Wed 26-Nov-14 16:51:31

Oh yes she will!
And she's really turned it round from last year,when the teachers weren't happy with her attitude in class,but this year they were praising her & saying how well she was doing.
You can't have everything I suppose !!

chickensaresafehere Wed 26-Nov-14 16:52:33

Sounds like your dd is similar to mine Sunny wink

Leeds2 Wed 26-Nov-14 16:52:47

And you are right to get her to pay back the £20. Just be grateful you hadn't invested in a shed load of kit for the expedition!

chickensaresafehere Wed 26-Nov-14 16:54:38

Thanks Leeds,she WILL pay it back!!

MrsMcRuff Wed 26-Nov-14 16:57:36

I so understand your frustration.

Similar situation with ds1 (some years ago). Loved the hikes and overnight camp organised by school. When it came to having to arrange volunteer work, learn new skill etc., couldn't be arsed. Actually said "I can do it later, it says here you've got till you're 25 to complete it", to mollify me!

Ds2, with a certain amount of 'help' from me (I organised for him to assist at ds3's Cubs for the 'volunteer' bit, behind his back) actually completed everything! Three years ago! Never bothered to get it all signed off.........No Bronze Award........yet. sad but hopeful.

Am not holding my breath for ds3, although maybe he'll buck the trend and go for Gold!! hmm

Definitely try and get the £20 back. It'll make you feel slightly better!

Heyho111 Wed 26-Nov-14 17:22:24

I understand how you feel but she is right. It took over my daughters life and added massively to the stress of the first year of gcse's.

TantrumsAndBalloons Wed 26-Nov-14 17:29:36

The DofE is a huge commitment. Better that she drops out now, rather than halfway through.

My DD is doing her silver and ds1 his bronze and they spend a lot of time volunteering at the youth centre, playing sports, it's not just about the hiking, there's hours and hours of other stuff.
I think you have to be really committed from the start. A lot of kids think they want to do it, think it sounds like fun, then go to the meeting and find out what they have to do and decide it's not what they thought it was. That's what the meetings are for- so you can decide if you have enough time to commit to it.

I wouldn't be angry with her for dropping out at this point- otoh I would be fuming if they dropped out halfway through.

MrsQueen Wed 26-Nov-14 17:33:25

It's a huge time commitment and expensive - she was interested, but then has learnt more about it, thought about it, and decided she doesn't want to.

I agree she should pay you back the £20, but tbh I don't understand why this makes you angry? It's her decision as to whether or not it's a good idea. Much better she pulls out now than half way through.

chickensaresafehere Wed 26-Nov-14 17:39:30

Ok point taken,you're right it's her decision & better she decides not to do it now rather than later.

bigTillyMint Wed 26-Nov-14 19:51:35

I agree - it is a huge commitment and it is good that she has realised now that it is too much for her to manage before you fork out for anything else. She probably didn't realise when she initially signed up.

chocoluvva Wed 26-Nov-14 20:03:18

If it makes you feel better, my DD dropped out of doing the silver expedition, thereby making one of her teammates feel he had to do it to have enough people to make up the group despite having a very sore foot. DD reckoned she was too busy. Then she spent the whole of the expedition weekend shopping and loafing around at her friend's house. hmm

But she continued with her volunteering at a charity shop for two years. Perhaps when she's a little bit older your DD could do some volunteering. It was definitely the most useful bit of DD's DofE.

FWIW - the two uni admissions officers who spoke to her at open days both said they don't mind what you put in the personal statement for your uni application. (I suspect that bronze D of E's are ten a penny)

bigTillyMint Wed 26-Nov-14 20:17:17

And my DD didn't sign up at all in the first placegrin

I am really glad as she struggles to keep up with everything she has on and school work and is always tired and moaning! Plus I cannot see her tramping across muddy fields with a massive pack on her backgrin

Luckily she is still heavily involved in her sport in a coaching capacity and that will be something meaty to put on her uni application. God knows what I put on mine - I didn't do anything!

chocoluvva Wed 26-Nov-14 20:33:19

The expedition preparation was pretty tedious at the centre DD went to. They'd probably get more out of camping with the scouts or guides. And the kit list for DofE.........

I'm sure it is a good thing to do. But I honestly think it's overrated.

Back in my day grin....DofE hadn't been invented. But seriously, nobody was expected to fill every spare minute doing 'constructive' activities. As long as she has a hobby she'll be fine.

Caravanoflove Wed 26-Nov-14 20:37:05

I don't think the D of E really carries as much weight on uni applications as people hope. I sat on a med school interview panel and everyone had it, I didn't even register it.
It's an awful lot of time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere in my opinion.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 26-Nov-14 20:45:19

You are disappointed in your child because she doesn't want to do something shock
Maybe if you weren't disappointed in her she may not need a confidence boost.
Can you not praise for something.
The confidence to think she could do it in the first instance, the ability to communicate that after all it wasn't for her rather than going ahead for the sake of it.

TheFirstOfHerName Wed 26-Nov-14 20:58:08

DS1 wanted to sign up for D of E, but missed the deadlines because of medical appointments.

DH & I both did it, but I wasn't overwhelmed by the idea of DS1 doing it.
The expedition part wouldn't have been a problem; DS1 has done his Gold Scout award so has the kit.
It was the time commitment that concerned me: he is studying for 11 GCSEs and is involved in various youth things at church. He also runs. He has been chronically unwell for much of the last year and I want the rest of his free time to be just for relaxation.

chickensaresafehere Thu 27-Nov-14 10:11:59

Have calmed down now smile & agree with the replies.Shes going to pay the money back & we have left it there!
And I do praise her,as I said she's turned her schoolwork & attitude to it around since last year & Im very,very proud of her for that.

chocoluvva Thu 27-Nov-14 13:24:11

My DCs used to specialise in deciding to quit groups just after we'd bought kit/paid for a term/put our names down on the rota....

kleinzeit Thu 27-Nov-14 18:26:05

My DS’s DofE group leader was wise to that MrsMcRuff – they couldn’t do the camping until they’d finished everything else. My DS did the volunteering etc just to “earn” the trips.

I was very happy for him to do DofE because it encouraged him to do some things he wouldn’t have done otherwise, like volunteering and getting some regular exercise(!) and it got him off the sofa and out of the house now and again. But I don’t think it’s important in itself, not if your kid is already doing other activities. DS has signed up for Gold but he’s busy with a tough exam year ahead and some part-time work too, so I’m not too bothered if he doesn’t continue.

I think it’s fair to ask for the money back. I wouldn’t make her complete it but she has to at least have a go or else return the money.

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