Persistent lying(5 Posts)
My 14 yr old DS does not seem to be able to stop lying to me. Mainly to get out of doing things he doesn't want to do. His lies are so transparent, it's not difficult to catch him out. He's just made up an elaborate story about yes, he's taken the dog for a walk when he obviously hasn't. Stupid, little stuff. Why? It's so pointless! He lies about almost everything until I just don't know what to believe any more. I know it doesn't seem like much but there appears to be no trust at all between me and him. Is it my fault?
My DS told lies from a young age. He did it mainly to cover up the fact that he struggled with learning how to read, had nocturnal eneuresis and had very poor self esteem. He had to pretend to people that he could read and bedwetting was so embarrassing he had to lie about not going to sleepovers.
I was absolutely frank with him and gently told him that I knew he was lying and that there was no need for him to lie. I told him that no matter what it was I wasn't going to go crazy if I he told the truth. The lies could either be big or small. I said things like 'I know you are lying and I just want you to know that you can tell me the truth and there will be no problem whatever the issue is'.
It was tricky because sometimes he would swear it was the truth and I would never know if it was or not. When I knew for a fact that he was lying I told him how I knew and assured him that he could tell me. He would eventually admit it and I would stay calm no matter what the issues was and praise him for having the courage to tell me the truth.
As a really weird consequence of this my DS is now almost 16 and tells me the truth all the time even to a point where I do not want to know the truth. His sister and I sometimes mystified about how much he tells us.
My DD (17) has a friend who lies all the time. She was reared in a very dysfunctional situation and I think it is just a habit as there were times when she had to tell lies because she was ashamed of what was going on. She is lovely girl and I really feel for her.
I don't think he's covering anything up, he says it's because 'if I tell you the truth you will go mad'. It's normally when I've asked him to do something and he hasn't because he couldn't be arsed.
Lying Unfortunetly is part of adolescence. They all lie, some more than others. Anyone who says their teen doesn't lie has a teen who is really good at it.
There is a reason their brain tells them to lie. I think it's about moving away from parents, learning to problem solve but I can't remember properly.
I would take the mickey a bit with a serious undertone. "I think our dogs taken acid. I've never seen him so energetic after a walk" said with sarcastic look.
Part of their development is to not do what's asked of them. I still ask but expect no response and do it myself. Eventually one day they start to do some of what's asked. There was no rows and it resolved. But expect them not to do most stuff for years. They all come out the otherside at the same time ish.
Thanks both. I think you're right Heyho, and I know there's a lot worse I could be having to put up with. Some of his contemporaries at school are smoking, smoking dope, not coming home at night etc. It's just that his lies are so elaborate, yet so pathetic and transparent at the same time!
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