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Teenage Trouble

(12 Posts)
JL456 Tue 11-Nov-14 16:42:18

Advice please! My once loveable teen has morphed into a teenage nightmare. He has GCSE's next summer and has no drive to get on with studying and I'm getting reports from school about poor behaviour and general goofing off in class. Common denominator is him as various tutors are reporting the same issues. If I try to talk to him about it I hit a brick wall and gets lots of huffing and grunting, which leads me to frustration and nagging which no doubt is making it worse. He's quite bright, but wasting an opportunity and just wants to texts his GF 24/7 and every homework/revision request etc is just a battle and becoming so tough.
I know its a rant of every (well alot) parent ever and all those still to come, but I'm getting it wrong and need to connect with him so we can move forward and he's supported. Would love to hear, 1) I'm not the only one and 2) what worked/helped for you.

cleo14 Tue 11-Nov-14 17:52:09

Unfortunately your teenager sounds like all other teenagers and you'll find many other similar stories on this site. I feel your pain however I'm now on teenager number 2 and beginning to realise that we can only advise, guide and support them as well as monitor as best we can, their behaviour outside home. It's a hard job that I don't think most of us are prepared for, however it will pass- eventually! Good luck x

JL456 Tue 11-Nov-14 18:45:11

Thank you for the feedback/support! when did your teen #1 come out the other side? (I'm hoping that they all do at some point) you're right, we walk into this blind and just have to do our best!! X

BrowersBlues Tue 11-Nov-14 23:08:08

You are definitely not the only one. I can't yet say that we have come out the other side so I can't really reassure you. I recommend reading these posts and reading books about teenagers. I benefitted hugely from reading The Amazing Teenage Brain, it a wonderful thing and Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town.

We do walk into the teenage years blind but thankfully there is a lot of advice online on how to communicate with teenagers so that we can minimise the risk of escalating the situation.

I am about a million miles away from nailing it but have managed to get the odd bit of peace. I take it one day at a time. If at all possible try to
keep a sense of humour and when things are calm don't hold a grudge.

The best parents in the whole world can rear children who go off the rails spectacularly so don't beat yourself up.

If I had read some books about teenage development sooner I think I might have made things a bit easier for myself and I wouldn't have walked straight into World War III so often.

cleo14 Wed 12-Nov-14 08:00:50

Jl456, my first teenage was a dd who did all the normal teenage stuff but no where near to the extent that my ds does!hmm they're all different with no set timescale, but it will end at sometime. I'm finding more and more that it's about choosing your battles and trying hard to keep the relationship in tact (which is VERY hard at times!) x

JL456 Wed 12-Nov-14 19:42:46

Thank you cleo14 I appreciate the support. New to this forum and wishing I'd found it sooner as its a godsend. Feeling positive reading all posts that it's a common thing and I'm not going to beat myself up too much. What a fab community x

Idiotdh Wed 12-Nov-14 23:02:11

Don't agree it's all teenagers..they are all different. Maybe ask him what he wants to do after GCSEs?

Heyho111 Wed 12-Nov-14 23:15:57

My son didn't work for his gcse's or take notice of lessons until the last term. He just couldn't get his head round that he needed to work and listen in class. Suddenly a few weeks before the exams a light switched on and he started to work.
There was nothing we could do or say he had to work it out himself.
I read 'get out my life but first take me and Alex to town' it helped me hugely. Please read one of the books recommended above.
Choose your battles and ignore stuff that doesn't matter really - sometimes this is easier said than done !

JL456 Thu 13-Nov-14 12:02:14

Heyho111 - Thankyou! I've just bought the book as I've seen on so many posts that its helped people. Did your son do ok in his GCSE's as he sounds so similar to mine.

Heyho111 Thu 13-Nov-14 22:04:35

Hi. I bought him revision books because his notes weren't up to much which he used along with the school text books. To his, mine and his teachers relief and shock he got them. The stress he felt waiting for the results not knowing if he had passed made him grow up a bit. Reality hit. He is now doing AS levels at college and getting on with it. Don't get me wrong he hasn't turned into a swat but he's holding his own. Which is such a relief.
I'm glad you've ordered the book it made such a difference to how I dealt and felt about the situation. Give me a toddler any day. X

poppymoon Tue 18-Nov-14 22:48:32

i feel your pain!! my very bright son has disappeared gradually over the last couple of years and is even putting up a fight about looking at the college prospectus(es). his recent report was atrocious and i've tried to explain how important his effort and decisions are but he's not interested in the slightest. i know the feeling though as being asked to decide your future at such an angsty time in life is bad timing. so very frustrating.

bubby64 Tue 18-Nov-14 23:00:31

I will join you in your misery, and I have teen ds twins!
dts1 seems to be ok, but his brother, who has always been more easily led, is causing us concerns. DH doesn't seem to be able to talk with him at all nowadays without one or both of them yelling, and I am trying to keep the peace which drives DH mad, as he thinks I am ignoring everything. I am not, I am just trying to pick my battles. This means that at least dts2 is still communicating with me, even if it is in fits and starts, and in grunts a lot of the time.

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