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15 year old DD lying in bed refusing to get up go to school or even speak to me

(101 Posts)
felttippens Mon 10-Nov-14 08:37:47

Arghhhhh I'm ready to pop
What the Hell are you supposed to do???

Mrwillywonkasbitch Mon 10-Nov-14 08:39:47

Throw a cold bucket of water over them or threaten to. That would get me out of bed smile

honeysucklejasmine Mon 10-Nov-14 08:39:48

Make laying in bed uncomfortable? Remove duvet, break out the cold water?

Monathevampire1 Mon 10-Nov-14 08:40:45

Have you any idea why she is doing this?

felttippens Mon 10-Nov-14 08:51:47

Last Monday she threw a sicky this week just refusing to get up

She started to be very difficult recently , defying me.

I'm at a loss

Fairylea Mon 10-Nov-14 08:55:12

First thought is bullying at school (I went through awful bullying when one of my friends turned the rest against me, I ended up changing schools and missing a year). Is it boy trouble? If you are confident it's neither of those things I'd go for cold water over the head and put her phone on the other side of the bedroom and ring it every few minutes until she gets up.

felttippens Mon 10-Nov-14 09:02:17

This is the new school after bullying she's settled in well has nice friends, been there since July

She has a boyfriend in the year above who radt attends

ToniWol Mon 10-Nov-14 09:44:37

What's on her timetable for a Monday? Could it be something to do with a lesson she doesn't want to do or incomplete homework? Teenagers do funny things like faking a fall on the school stairs to get out of a whole class detention blush

felttippens Mon 10-Nov-14 09:59:36

Wouldn't suprise me if it was incomplete homework she has been out most of the weekend
Come to think of it she pulled a sickie last Monday

ToniWol Mon 10-Nov-14 10:23:31

You mentioned last Monday earlier in the thread hence the question.

BertieBotts Mon 10-Nov-14 10:27:18

Is she depressed?

iPaddy Mon 10-Nov-14 10:33:13

First do check that she isn't being bullied or has any other worries about going to school.

Then if not...

Call the school and tell them. Don't cover up for her

If they call back had the phone directly to her.

Removal of privileges - i.e. going out at the weekend.

Removal of pocket money / phone credit.

Turn off the wifi.

Make a lot of noise - vacuuming, laundry, classical music at full blast...

Inselaffe Mon 10-Nov-14 11:30:28

Second those who say it might be a specific lesson. I pulled sickies for three weeks in a row once before my Mum worked it out (my Dad did the school run and he didn't have a clue, bless him and kept letting me stay at home!) so that I could miss double science.

Fairylea Mon 10-Nov-14 14:23:00

Are you sure she's settled in as well as you think? If she's changed schools due to bullying perhaps she is finding it hard to fit in or is still struggling with low self esteem. Did she have counselling for the previous bullying?

felttippens Mon 10-Nov-14 16:46:06

This is not going well
Spoke to the school and have set up a meeting in the morning

I took DDs charger away she hasn't Durga ed all day

I went up to say she needed to sort room ro out in order to get charger back

Mouthful of abuse telling me to fuck off at top of her voice and said she isn't doing anything or going anywhere until I give it back

Chandon Mon 10-Nov-14 16:50:46

how awful for you.

No idea...goodness, what can you do?!

I would be firm about removal of wifi/charger but not go into lengthy discussions.

Hope you can have a sensible talk with her at some point.

Bonsoir Mon 10-Nov-14 16:57:43

If she is refusing to cooperate at all you should probably withdraw all services (including use of bathroom, food) to force her.

BOFster Mon 10-Nov-14 17:01:44

Refusing her access to the toilet or food, Bonsoir? shock. What is this, challenging family life or Guantanamo Bay?

BrowersBlues Mon 10-Nov-14 17:08:23

Treading, I have been in the exact same situation on more than one occasion. The only thing that worked was sitting on the bed beside her and telling her how much I loved her, how precious she is to me and that I would be there for her no matter what. Tell her you need her to help you. Don't be afraid to show how upset you are. Bring her up a cup of tea and if possible something sweet to eat. Tell her you will work together to sort things out.

Please do not throw water over her or block her access to the bathroom or withhold food. She is being completely unreasonable but teenagers can be very unreasonable. If you keep going down the route you are going down you will have confiscated all her things and she will just get more and more abusive.

I tried all the threats I could think of and it only made things worse. Don't back yourself into a hole. Play a different game. It might unsettle her enough to get her out of the mood she is in. Something is bothering her. Maybe it is just teenage angst or maybe she hates a subject or someone at school

If it doesn't work well at least you will have tried.

TheFairyCaravan Mon 10-Nov-14 17:09:47

You can't withdraw access to the toilet and food, FFS! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen written on here!

Thumbwitch Mon 10-Nov-14 17:10:34

That's a ridiculous suggestion, bonsoir. Of course you can't stop her using the bathroom!
I wouldn't facilitate feeding her, as in wouldn't bring food to her, but I certainly wouldn't prevent her feeding herself.

OP - nothing really helpful to suggest other than go through her bag, see what homework she should have done, go through her timetable and see what lessons she's missing, to see if you can see a problem; try once more to talk to her about any possible problems she's having and if she refuses to talk nicely then ignore her completely and certainly don't give in re. the charger!

CheeseEqualsHappiness Mon 10-Nov-14 17:11:45

I did this when I was that age. A few of the various reasons which spring to mind were...

Overwhelmingly complicated (but not necessarily understood by parents) social relations I couldn't face
I once had a week off as I couldn't do an essay and had issues with failure
Self esteem issues
General disrespect for school and not realising I was harming my school career

It's a tricky time.

CheeseEqualsHappiness Mon 10-Nov-14 17:12:53

Oh and I did this if I had PE, particularly swimming
Or if I had a spot I couldn't cover up

Bonsoir Mon 10-Nov-14 17:13:55

Not to the lavatory. But no shower/bath and no food normally works very fast!

Thumbwitch Mon 10-Nov-14 17:15:42

So Cheese - what would get you out of it?

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