I can't believe I'm talking to the world through my iPad but that is my only small voice waiting to be heard. My sister just text me that I should try and concentrate on the positive. She's on a train to London for the weekend and I'm sat watching the dog to see that he does not lick his stitches, so he can take a break from his buster collar. Funny how he really knows the word 'No' now; as he takes a stealthy nose-dive towards the ex region of his manhood. I'm such a careful person. I have waited for him to fully grown before his snippet. Which I agonised over; snatching away his hormones seems a punishable offence as I'm sure someone has snatched away my small cabinets of oestrogen and spun them around on some evolutionary roulette table. I'm the only one besides him in our house without the bonus of hormones and it's not by choice. It's that faulty middle-aged component, centuries old. He's not my dog. He's my child's dog. My child has suffered from anxiety and depression for two years and my mother does not know. I invent a life of illusion because I thought we were on a short day trip not a season ticket. I thought all this would blow through. It hangs around me and I've fought it for two years. NHS rug pulled out at 17 now - cut off point for child services and my sudden 'grown-up' child is without an NHS psychiatrist but not without the same diagnosis. I'm a good, kind person who wants their life flipped back upright again. If you're out there, reading this, with longterm sick children, you'll know why it is purposeful for me to sit here feeling useful, stopping the dog from licking his wounds whilst I sit here licking mine. Two professionals asked me if I needed a bit of help recently ? What I need is some help for my daughter at 17 on the NHS. That would help me.
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My world is a dinner plate that someone has tipped upside down
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mumsay · 07/11/2014 15:12
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