New to this forum and have been reading through some of the threads about dealing with teenagers. Really struggling with mine and would appreciate some advice from similar sufferers. Don't have a lot of support from extended family and not lived long enough in one place to have built up a strong friends base.
I feel my 17 year old son is destroying me. Honestly, he has always been somewhat of a challenge and has had pretty fixed boundaries over the years with related consequences when things have gone belly up, but in the last couple of years he has changed beyond recognition. He is unbelievably lazy, rude and chronically selfish, but when it comes to his friends ........ oh yes, he has plenty of time for them. He won't do anything to help at home or for anyone else in the home and he is expected to take responsibility for his room, getting up for college and making sure he has everything he needs etc.
I get nothing but positive reports from friends and friends parents, but at home, the only time I really see him is at the meal table, if I'm lucky. The rest of the time, where he's home, is spent in his room, only emerging to discuss the latest party, a lift to somewhere (and no, I do not take him everywhere, he is expected to go by bus, bike or walk). It seems everything else in his life is a priority, except his family - myself, my husband and younger brother (14). But when it's time for a treat ie meal out, theatre trip, day out, he'll tag along and get what he can from it.
I have explained to him that his behaviour is unacceptable on many occasions, but it's just not working and in the last few months, things have gone from bad to worse. He seems to have no loyalty towards us, as a family, and it really hurts. I accept he is growing up and he has his freedom, but all this feels like a real kick in the teeth towards those that have loved and supported him over the years.
He has also become extremely friendly with another family (they wouldn't be my choice to spend time with, but I have not influenced him by demanding he doesn't spend time with them as I know where that would lead ....), but they are encouraging him to spend more time with them and less time with his family, picking him up to go somewhere, lots of hugs, playful chats via Facebook from the mother (yes, strange). My husband is a 'friend' on my son's FB so sees these things - we say nothing to our son. They are almost at the point of 'interfering' and my husband and I have had a chat with them - keeping it friendly, informal, but stressing how we felt .......... It's just carrying on though.
I'd be interested to know if any other parents had any coping strategies with the rude and selfish behaviour. I am particularly interested in things I could say when he just gets too much and how I could behave in myself (and my husband) to calm situations down and deal with it better. Also, if anyone has any advice to cope with other 'interferences' , then I'd be grateful.
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Teenagers
Teenage nightmares
5 replies
lonelyandtired · 07/11/2014 09:40
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