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He's 17. Surely he's allowed out later than 10.45?

(22 Posts)
ChillySundays Wed 05-Nov-14 17:29:58

This is taken from a post on the football match post. I understand that they need to be allowed out and have a reasonable curfew. My question is how do you all deal with the waiting for them to get home?
I like my sleep but I can't sleep until they are home. I am lucky that DD19 and DS16 (Y12) aren't party animals so not like they are out until all hours but even so when they do I struggle.
I need to just suck it up and be thankful it's not every night, don't I?

LastingLight Thu 06-Nov-14 08:41:29

Yep, it's all about letting go.

secretsquirrels Thu 06-Nov-14 14:37:39

Well when they are babies they keep you awake in a different way. It goes on until they leave....
Mine are not party animals but I like to go to bed really early. If DS is out I lay awake until I hear him come in.

ChillySundays Thu 06-Nov-14 17:08:10

Exactly Squirrel! I tend to doze off but then wake up again and again.
When I see that the hall light is off I can go to sleep properly.
Don't know what I would do if they were out every weekend

ggirl Thu 06-Nov-14 17:51:48

You get used to it in my experience .

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Thu 06-Nov-14 17:58:48

It is hard - but you do have to let them be! DS is 19, and comes in at all hours of the early morning at weekends. DD did the same (she's older). I was always very twitchy, and kept waking to check if they were in (or not). Now I've got used to it (a bit). The one thing I do insist on, is if they intend staying out all night they should let us know. This doesn't always happen, so I then keep ringing and texting (mainly to disturb and annoy, to teach them the lesson, especially as we were/are paying for the contract).

It gets easier, truly it does smile

LineRunner Thu 06-Nov-14 18:03:49

Yes, I agree that they need to text and say if they are staying out all night.

My DD also texts me when she gets in (!) So if I wake up and wonder whether she is in or not I can just look at my phone on the bedside cabinet, not go bursting into her room to find out!

AnyFucker Thu 06-Nov-14 18:04:48

I find wine helps

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed Thu 06-Nov-14 18:16:38

Yes, wine helps a great deal grin

I used to lie awake until everyone was home too. Now they've reached that awful age were they have all left home, and apparently it isn't okay to phone at 11.30 to make sure they are tucked up in bed.

Onlyonamonday Thu 06-Nov-14 18:17:22

It's really hard .. I have 2 dds 19 and 17
19 yr old has just started at uni so it's easier ( not waiting for her to come home etc)
But the 17 yr old likes to go out to clubs parties etc .. Sometimes not even in our city .. No matter how hard I try I can't sleep until I know she's either home or has told me she's staying overnight at friends.
She knows how I feel and does send me the odd txt just to let me know she's ok .. People have said "just let her go and get some sleep what ever happens will happen wether your asleep or not"
I get this but I still can't sleep and never will I don't think. wine does help

Claybury Thu 06-Nov-14 18:31:16

I am weird as I often have no problem sleeping when DS 16 is out. But often when he returns in the early hours I wake up and can't get back to sleep, as I may have had a couple of hours sleep already.
I could lie in bed worrying as we have no idea where he goes but I think I can somehow block it out, knowing if I didn't I would go crazy. Also he started going out to all night raves ( without telling us) very young, at 14, so things can only get better with age !
Really glad DD isn't a party animal though.
I really resent sleep deprivation caused by teens and I love my sleep.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke Thu 06-Nov-14 18:47:07

My DD were always given times to be in by. As they got older the times became later.

Because I need my sleep I would go to bed at the normal time and set an alarm for 30 mins AFTER they were due in.

The arrangement was when DDs arrived home they would come into my room and turn the alarm off. If the alarm ever went off it clearly meant that they were late in and I could start worrying/texting/ringing round.

Works for us.

BathshebaDarkstone Thu 06-Nov-14 19:01:19

I had a front door key from about the age of 17 and my DPs were usually sound asleep by the time I got in. DM would leave dinner on a plate wrapped in foil over a simmering pot of water for me, it was usually breakfast the next morning! grin

ChillySundays Thu 06-Nov-14 20:15:01

My dd is 19 so I can't insist she is in by 9 so I can go to bed but how I need that sleep!
She does (as does DS16) have to let me know what time she will be back and text if she is going to be later. For my peace of mind
To be honest I prefer them to sleep over at friend's houses

Eastwickwitch Thu 06-Nov-14 20:17:25

DS has a black box on his car, he can't drive it after 11pm so if he's driving he has to be in by 10.45pm. Could it be that?

BrowersBlues Thu 06-Nov-14 20:36:57

Yep, it's called letting go! It's scary as bejaysus but that's just the way it is. Try to go to sleep because you are only damaging yourself by worrying. Teenagers don't give a hoot! I give myself a hard time because I have got to the stage where I can fall sleep when they haven't come in. In my waking hours I worry that if something happens to them late at night I will be arrested for falling asleep. Mothers can't win.

DixieNormas Thu 06-Nov-14 20:42:34

In the beginning we had a tell us if you are staying out rule, now that seems to have gone out the window (he's 19)

He didn't really stay out late until he was 18, the occasional weekend party but he would usually stay out then. Ds4 was born a week before he turned 18 so I was shattered and up and down all night.

You get used to it, you have to start letting go at some point

Dragonfly71 Thu 06-Nov-14 22:51:59

Dd is 17 and ds 20. Ds pretty much independent now but still let's us know if he will be out all night and will respond to a text if we are unsure about when he's back which is really reassuring, and something I've always thanked him for. We know his friends well and they all look after each other so hasn't been too hard to let go.
Dd doesn't really party and either at home or at boyfriends most nights. But when she does go out she tells us what time she'll be back and how she's getting home. She doesn't have a curfew, we make decisions based on safety. I don't want her to walk home alone to make a curfew when it would be safer to leave later and share a taxi. Unfortunately she is careful because of an incident when she was 16 so her caution is kind of sad for us. I try not to be over protective but she knows I would worry if she was out alone.
And I can sleep when they're out with help winesmile

ChillySundays Thu 06-Nov-14 22:59:43

Maybe I will get more relaxed as times goes on.

Mrsjayy Fri 07-Nov-14 10:41:16

Dd is in and out at all hours someimes its work she works in theatres and other venues late other times its the pub but thats quite rare she will tell me when she is due in. I go to bed it takes a while to get used to I usually wake up briefly when I hear her locking the door but just go to bed , fwiw dd2 is nearly 17 she still has a curfew

CoolStoryBro Fri 14-Nov-14 00:18:46

We have mid week curfews of 11 and weekend curfews of 2am. However, that's negotiable as long as they call me waaaaaay before 2am so that I can just go to bed. I kind of figure bad news travels fast, so if there was a problem, I would know really quickly. And all our kids know, regardless of where they are and what time it is, if they really need us, we'll come and get them. None of them have abused that, as yet, so long may it continue!

Calico1706 Sun 16-Nov-14 22:40:46

My DS 16 is allowed out as long as he tells me when is going to be home.

One night he wanted to go out at 11, I said that it was too late, he argued and said that if he had gone out an hour ago then he would still be out so what was the difference, not prepared to stand down I said he could not go out and went to bed. Thinking that if that had been me I would have waited till my mother had gone to bed then left the house, as I heard the front door close.

One night I told him that he had to be back by 2. Usually can not sleep till he was back. Fell asleep, woke at 1.45 waited to hear him come in. At 2.15 sent text asking why he was not home and where was he. His response told me that he was in his room and had been for over an hour. I thanked him for being so quiet. Trust him now.

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